I feel like I'm five years old again.
Trusting the world like everyone's a ******* saint.
But I can't help it,
If I shut it all out, I would push them away again.
I am no romantic, but they have my heartstrings,
And they're playing them like we've never seen better days.

I wish I knew what to say.
My life's out of control,
I'm a heartfelt mess.
All this gushy *******'s gone to my head.

But I don't see a way out ,
My eyes are closed
I want to be left in the dark,
With only you to hold.

Even as I scrawl this ****,
I don't know what I'm saying.
All I know is that you're to blame,
But it's no one's fault,
This isn't a problem.

I haven't felt this way since the beginning of time,
And I'm finding that I finally give two ***** about life.

I won't give up,
Not on you,
Not on me.
Not on these crazy ******* feelings that I can't believe.

Because I want to feel this,
It feels like hope,
And maybe, JUST maybe,
*My life isn't a joke.

How do I go on?
When you've left me here.
Which way is back to normality?

Tell me now,
How do I go on?
When you've closed your ears,
And shut me out.

I find myself falling,
Through the cracks in my skin.
I fumble forwards,
And fall back on nothing.

Which way do I go?
Swing me to and fro,
Between life and death,

Show me the signs,
Show me the paths,
I have run from God's plans.

And so I fall into the earth,
I walk blindly through the hurt,
And I drown in myself.

I see you standing,
You hopeless soul.
I draw connections,
And I myself are drawn.

And so I fall, fall to my knees,
Just like a dog,
I only wish that I could please.

With your ways,
You baffle me.
If only you could see what I see.

You pull the blade across your skin,
I cry myself to sleep.
Will I ever see you again?
I wish you knew you were my **ever-y-thing.

Doing what I do best, while I ball my eyes out.
I'm seeing blurred lines for real this time.
And as I grabbed a blade, I just couldn't cut.
So I balled a fist, and just couldn't hit.
I found a rope, tied it up like girl scouts,
And you know what they say:
IF THE NOOSE ******* FITS.

A million times I've wondered,
What writing a suicide note feels like.
And maybe this is it,
Because as I scrawl these words,
I feel my still beating heart
DYING IN MY CHEST.

Imagine your greatest love,
Now stand it on a stool,
Give it a piece of paper, a pen, and a piece of rope.
Now tell it you love it, so much it ******* HURTS,
And then watch it write it loves you too,
And jump off the stool FEET FIRST.

But the rope breaks,
Now you're crying, screaming at the sky,
YOU SAID I HAD A PURPOSE,
WAS IT ALL A ******* LIE?!

Is this what you wanted for your grand ******* PLAN?
Now I'm a crazy *******, talkin' to the man upstairs.
While he sits and he watched me crumble inside-out,
If you wanted me broken then you've done it,
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

No.
I'm not done, I lean right back into it, because while you may be happy,
I'M IN ******* RUINS.

I can't settle for no, it isn't my vocabulary, and so I write:
Dear Dear Diary,
I've been beaten and bruised,
Choked and abused,
But what is this sickening, tightening feeling...

I'll take a slit throat over slit dreams anyway,
A stab in the brain before a stab in the heart,
So go ahead, punch me, hurt me, cut me, **** me.
But don't take away what keeps me **BREATHING

She's irritating,
A noise making machine,
She never shuts up,
I see her in my dreams.

I can't fight it,
But when she's gone,
I have a feeling,
It won't be long.

Before I tear her hair out,
I scream and shout,
I let my emotion run free,
I can't help the way I feel baby.

I was cold and alone,
No one to hold,
And she was absent from my head.

I felt the world's weight,
No laughs to share,
My reality came crumbling,
Into Nightmare.

I found her sitting,
Upon the shore,
Of that firery brimstone,
Lair.

Thank imaginary beings,
Thank the stars and the earth,
I had finally found her,
Beneath the hurt.

I can't explain it,
But I hate her so much,
However, without her,
I wouldn't exist.

Suicide,
Last in life,
Cannot find,
My own meaning.

Wish I knew,
What to do,
Cos I'm drowning.

I call her up,
Won't give up,
I know she's listening.

I left her a message,
On her machine.
I said I miss you,
Please save me.

I have these *awful thoughts,
In my head.
I'm the monster under my bed.

My own head is a trap,
And I know,
*She'd kick my *** if I thought about that.