Of all the things
I should have avoided
Her lips were the first
But the way my name
Rolled off her tongue
How could I resist?

There are times I often dream about her blue eyes and blonde hair, in the kitchen with her dad as she looks at me with such a pretty smile.

Faded are these memories I hold close. I hope there are days she dreams the same. On the other hand, if it hurts her to think about these things as much as it hurts me..

Id rather spare her pain.

There's a boy I know.
He is sweet and kind,
passive yet assertive.
He is beautiful.

This boy and I are friends.
We speak from time to time.
His smile melts my insides &
his eyes make my bones turn inside out.

This isn't a perfect boy.
He is chubby and short.
He loves video games and movies with a passion.
A real nerd.

He's a sun.
Not the sun,
A sun.
He keeps me warm and safe.
He scares me but I know he's helping.

This boy is so beautiful.

I am not beautiful.

I am twisted and selfish and ugly and rotten.
I am too cold to be around the sun.
I will dim his glow & cast shadows on his light.

My solution:
Let the boy be the sun,
Let me the moon,
And maybe one day,
We will cross paths again.

look at my pain and my scars
look at the holes that he cut
deep, deep into me
marvel at the openness of my chest now
the light which is allowed in
now that i am hollow
he shallowed my existence
but deepened my humanity
for that, I thank him
for that, I want you to look at me
for what I am now
different

Last night you came to me
Just a dream at three thirty-three
And then you kissed me
I almost felt your body
And when you held me
I couldn’t wake, I couldn’t flee

Falling in half love
With everyone I meet,
Scared to go in past my feet.
Afraid to open up
Hesitate to divulge the feelings
That hang as painful cliches
But hurt just the same
as if they were open wounds
I still wonder what healing is like for you.

Or if you even had to.