When you feel like you're screaming but your throat has stalled like a decrepit engine
Even as the fear rises akin to bile in your lungs and your senses are drowning in confusion
You keep screaming because your heart wants to still its own pulse
You know that feeling where you wake up heart racing breath huffing cold sweat on your brow
They say its because your heart rate dropped so low your brain defibrillated your heart to keep you alive
Its worse when you've just been dreaming
It takes your dreams whatever kin they be and Ends them
Ends you.
You wake up
    You wake up
        You were falling
            You were about to die.
And then you look at the calendar and go 'I have to do things today.'
And you wish your heart was still falling.
Singing a song you never heard before but which you loved because it was so Alien to the idea of you
You think, don't give up, don't give up, and you make it a mantra.
Your heart beats to that rhythm like your brain sending you memos of its continued survival.

You are still screaming on the inside. You put some music on to drown yourself out. And you are at 'peace'.

My day died an abrupt death. Ignominious.

At the hands (and lips) of my own mother.

Yet another broken thread, burning bridge,

lost key to a door shut in your face without a parting kiss.

Ce la ma vie.

I hear them
The tolling, wailing bells
So we've come to the end
The last page of an epic
The silent fadeout of the silver screen
The dimming embers of a massive bonfire.
We've unmoored our boats from the flotilla we once knew as 'home' and 'family'.
         
                   The end of  us

We stand in the ruins
Of a great building
It once held the relation
Of a father and daughter
Of a husband and wife
You set it on fire
But we will not put out your flames
With our tears and blood
Anymore.

Let the fire take away your poison
And let the rain scour away every last toxic residue
Of the bond we once held.
This is my requiem. Perhaps one day this too shall seem like a dream.