Waiting for her message to come through
Waiting for the day to be over and through
Because when the days end
And her message was never sent
I know one thing for sure
I'll see her while sleeping in my bed

I'll see her in my dreams

I'll hear her voice again
I'll hear her laugh again
I'll see her smile again
I'll be with her again

Until the morning comes
And I repeat the same hellish day again

Reading her poems to try and look back
Crying these tears while trying to turn back
Wondering why I had to hurt her so bad
Wondering how I could've been so horrible
Horrible enough to awaken the beast
The beast known as "Depression"
The beast known as "Suicide"

How could I have done this to her
Why... did I do this to her

I should've saved her
I should've shown her the truth
But I didn't
And now...
Now it's too late

Now she's dead
And she died thinking I hated her
Thinking I would be fine without her

But in the end...
She was wrong
She was so wrong...

Someday I'll see her again
But this time... it'll be because I met my end
And I look forward to that day

I don't look forward to it because I'll be dead
But instead
Because I'll be with her again

Heaven or hell
For better or worse
I no longer care
As long as being away from her is no longer a curse

Broken promises
Dying hearts
Breaking hearts
And disappearing dreams

All of it seems...
To be because of me

It was about a month since she passed
I didn't know what to do
I was such a mess

I was screaming
I was crying
I was giving in

All the fights
All the late nights
I should've known something wasn't right

But I was too oblivious
Too selfish
Too caught up in what I wanted

And now it's over
She's gone
As am I

Now there's nothing left
Nobody left
Only an empty, wilted garden

The first time we spoke
You seemed to be a lot like me
And right off the bat
I loved you
Only as a friend
But I've always loved you in some way
And now
Those feelings have progressed
Apparently these feelings aren't only felt by me
However
I can't help but question everything that's said
It makes me feel horrible
Thinking my love is going to be leaving soon
Thinking I'm making things bad
Thinking people are hiding things

I know they aren't hiding anything
And that I'm not making things bad
And that my love will never leave me
But I still question it
I still feel horrible for it
And still wish I could delete this hell
For those I love
And myself
Maybe I'll be healed someday
Perhaps it'll only heal when I'm laid down to rest
Only time will tell

Why did you do this to me
I thought you loved me
I thought you cared about me
I thought you cherished me

You never loved me
You never cared about me
You never cherished me
If you did
You never would’ve held your secrets
You never would’ve led me on
You never would’ve hurt me this way

But now you did
You showed me who you truly are
You showed me that you’ll hurt me
That you’ll manipulate me
You’ll lie to me
And you’ll never love me
But I don’t want to be loved by who you are
I wanted to be loved by who I thought you were

You thought holding secrets again would be okay
You thought that hurting someone else in place of me would be okay
You thought that I’d not see the horrible truth
You thought I’d never find out everything else
But I did
I learned everything you never wanted me to see
You manipulated me
You lied to me
You hurt me

Why would you hurt me so bad
Why would you think it would be okay
Why would you think I’d just be a doormat
Why did you keep lying to me even after I had accepted you again
And if you think you didn’t
You still held a secret
And maybe a million more

I told you everything
I opened up to you
I loved you
I cherished you
I cared about you
You were my everything
But my everything
Was a lie

I missed you every time I had to leave
I missed you every time you weren’t around
I missed you so much
And for everything that I missed to be a lie
For you to be a lie
Hurts to no end
You’ve broken my heart
And you knew you would

Perhaps someday we’ll see each other again
Maybe by that point in time you won’t be so hurtful
Perhaps this isn’t who you’ll always be
But
Maybe it is
Maybe this is just the way you’ll always be
Perhaps you’re just going to hurt me again if I come back
Maybe you will
Maybe you won’t
I believe that you will
I believe that you always will
And that is one of many hurts

I could write for hours about you
I could write for hours about how you hurt me
I could write for hours about everything I thought was real
But won’t that be spending even more of my time on you
Won’t that be wasting my time
Trying to show you how ******* up what you’ve done is
Trying to show you how things truly are
Because if you think I believe you actually see how bad this is
Think again
You were doing it again
Only this time
It was with him instead of me
You lied to me even after I forgave you
You lied to me again
And you don’t even realize it
You don’t even see it

I thought I’d never leave
But that was before I truly knew you
I had to leave
I had to save myself
I had to make you see
I had to
Didn’t want to
But I had to

Now I must say goodbye
As the tears run down my face
And the hurt is still inside of me

Goodbye Rózsa

I thought everything was okay
You told me there was nothing wrong
Tonight was the night
You showed me the truth
The horrible truth

I forgive you though
I hope you’re okay
I hope your life is phenomenal
It’s what you deserve
It’s what you need

You’re here
But I still miss you
Even when you’re near
I miss you
I wish you knew
Just how much I need and want you

The pain seems to have no end
I just need to know where you went to my friend
Without you here
It's starting to feel like the end

I get scared when you leave me
I get scared when you take hours to respond
I get scared when you’re gone
I’m happy when you are here
Where I can see you
And know you’re okay

But you can’t always be here
And neither can I
But when we are
I seem to fall into the sky
Although my worries don’t go away
You make things seem okay
I just want to be with you all day everyday
Until the day
That we both fade away

It's funny how words can do such damage
It's hurtful how I don't know how to use them
For when I slip up, I hurt those I love
And when I hurt those I love, I hurt badly
Perhaps amends can be made
Perhaps hearts can be healed

I don't know which direction things will go
All I know is that I want to be the healer
And though I can't right now
I must try to not cause pain again
And break hearts once again

I wish that someday
I can figure out how to show them how I feel
I need them to know
They deserve to know

As the raindrops hit his window, he tries to bring her back from the ledge
She's been there many times before, however, this time felt different.
Message after message, she wouldn't open up, he was worried for her life.
She said she had to leave, he could not let her go, for he knew what would happen,
It was his biggest fear. He couldn't have another person leave him forever.
He hoped he made her feel better, brought her back from the ledge once more.

After she was brought back from the ledge, he was grateful.
He wasn't left alone once again, and once more she hadn't left him alone.
Yet another painful experience, yet another breakdown.
And through everything, he was still there. For her to vent to. For her to go to.
And everything felt okay once again.

City street lights illuminate the depressed streets, filled with the homeless, fiends, and the city folk. Whilst the city folk go along with their life, not thinking a single thought of their “lessers” not considering how their actions affect them.
City streets illuminate yet another person taking their last breath, they thought they didn’t matter, they thought they were a waste of space.
Yet another fiend sticks a needle in their arm, little did they know there was poison in the needle.

Will the city folk ever wake up and see the death around them? Of course they won’t. Because the death of the “lessers” doesn’t affect them. Until it’s one of their relatives, or even them.
The mayor doesn’t pay enough attention to notice, the governor doesn’t care if they live or die.
The President doesn’t care either. We mustn’t look down on the “lessers”, but instead, lift them up. Stop the death, stop the harm, stop the depression.

But of course, that will never happen. They will forever be stuck in a never-ending loop of self-harm, drug abuse, homelessness, and so many other horrible things that nobody should ever have to deal with.

The gunshot still haunts the parents, the gory sight will forever be with them.
They couldn’t have known he would leave so soon, through all of his rants they never listened.

Now they know, his voice spoke the color of human veins and blood, now all that’s left is the hue of a brain.
Perhaps next time they’ll listen before the next life is taken, and red is forever splattered on their memories.