From Brighton to Victoria Station
The full moon was chasing me
I saw my reflection on the window
It was dark and unclear
September was so near
To show me how fast days can be
The train scratching and the foreign laughs
were all I hear
God knows I'm empty
God knows I Enjoy my emptiness
Farewell the pace of my thoughts
I could never catch you

Hidden in tranquility it plessures my mind. Peacefull and obscure just the echoes of my thougths. No sound no interuption just the spark of the dark , it fills my heart with wondering plots. What to do, what to say on the upcoming day but this little spark distracts me so in plain white my mind stays no thougths no plans just me and the serenity and gaze of the spark. I dont ask for ligth for this is the only need, some peace and quiet shadowed and unseen. The ligth is too brigth and it hurts my eyes not to mention the noisy people at dayligth witch if I havent mentioned I despise. Morning birds are the devils crys I prefer the owls the nigths spys, all I need is the sparks dark shine to make this moment torn twine with I. Just meditation it and I no ligth just this exeption of this spark and its ligth shine.

1am thoughts drive me outside to the stars
the wet grass and night breeze remind me
it's not a bad world
it's not a bad life
it's just a bad night to stargaze
clouds litter the sky,
but somehow stars still peek through
clouds roll on
and somehow they unsteady me too
I could lay here for hours
in the uneasy silence of the night

The grass's turning green,
amidst this splendid dream.
As I relish in this free paradise,
before it turns into a franchise.
I fill my lungs with the air
that's soulfully enriched, before it turns rare.

BLACK “BRAUN” WATCH
BLACK SPACE
BLACK IN THE CROTCH
BLACK IN THE FACE
BLACK COFFEY
BLACK SHABBY BONES
BLACK COLD TEA
BLACK SICK THOUGTHS
BLACK ******* LIFE
BLACK BALL UNDER A HAT
BLACK RUSTED KNIFE
BLACK PERSON IN ITS BED

BLACK … ALL IN BLACK

BLACK SHADE PULLING DOWN
BLACK TOO-LONG DAYS
BLACK WOMAN IN HER NIGHT-GOWN
BLACK OPINIONS ON GAYS
BLACK I
BLACK DEAD PEOPLE
BLACK GIFT-GIVING NIGHT
BLACK WORM IN THE APPLE
BLACK FOGGY FUTURE
BLACK GIRLS THAT I’VE MET
BLACK AWAITING VULTURE
BLACK IDEA IN MY HEAD

BLACK … ALL IN BLACK

BLACK STAINED WINDOW
BLACK FOREST UPON
BLACK COFFIN WHER I GO
BLACK CANCER THAT TURNS ME ON

BLACK … ALL IN BLACK

No I am not weak just because i told you I can't try
No I am not scared just because it seems like I want to ruin it before it even started
No I am not an idealistic just because it seems I wanted the right guy and you're not

Yes I am demanding because I know what I deserve
Yes I expect a lot from you because I gave you a **** chance to prove yourself
Yes I am straight forward when my feelings is involved

I know my worth
I dont want to settle for less
I want to try, but with so many doubts it's a no no

But please

I want you to be the person to erase all these thougths
I want you, your assurance and honesty.
I want you to be the person i deserve
I want you to do better

Millions of specs of dust fly
on the single ray of light that
comes in through the window.
Everything is changing, even them.

Them, who used to be other things,
skin,
and words,
and strangers,
and blindness,
and eyes,
sleep,
tragedy,
love,
and thougths that crack the skull,
all the things together,
hints,
flowers,
and fiction,
and for one brief moment
happiness.

That you are the one I reenact
the love scenes from movies
in my head, is that so terrible?
And that is to become dust too,
without you even knowing,
and will be blown away.

there are  secrets
you'll never know
gifts  that you give me
thougths that melt me
they ‘re only for me
they 're mine
I retain them jealously
they make me feel special
make me the only one ...
there are secrets
you'll never know
because when
- oblivious -
you ‘ll stop
giving me these  precious drops of you
my pain
it will be a secret
you'll never know

If I could only drag you inside my mind to show you what my thougths have done, if you would only see how the seed that you planted in me grew day after day. All the storms it endured and all that it still has to go through. I have never felt so lost as I am now, I would love to keep trying but I see no interest in your eyes neither in your actions. Yet I have to live with this non-stop thinking, scenarios, memories. Normally I would go on but now I rather just hope you have a great life. This is probably my last goodbye to the emotions I have felt for you. If anything else it would be this. The common "prhase you are un-discribeable" this prhase to me is a lie. I can describe you to my hearts content in simple words. Days that ligth my day storms that keepd me lockd at nigth, winters cold that is my fears and hells fire that is my passion torwards you. How would i describe all that i love about you?  I would say... you're name.

She makes everything sound like theres always a ligth of the end of the tunnel. and clears all the mist thats inside mi own with her smile she scares away my fears and fills miself with wonders that ive never imagine possible of being inside a human being. With words she fills mi head with dark thougths and leaves me frigthen and drowning inside of them but as I drown her voice makes me strong it has the power to make me figth for her every single day. She is in a complicated state one that makes the dark tougths grow and as much as i love her the more that it grows she has the power to crush and restore me but yet I will still be there and I will stand up infront of her i will take as many hits and as many falls as I can take to atleast let her know that she means the world to me.

I'm always so astounded
by my ability to ruin everything
slit my wrists, ****** fists
questioning why I exist
pain persists, evil gifts
******* up my life to ****
I'm worthless, slit my wrists until I bleed out- worthless: eli.

Surprised I didn't go psychotic
But lately the rules I've been braking is huge implications
Cause blood may be thicker than water but it's not thicker than a bottle of Jack- Away: Bmike

I'm not suicidal I don't wanna ******* die / I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright- Suicidal Thoughts- Josh A &
iamjakehill

Once upon a time, I still believed in myself
True love doesn't have a happy ending
'Cause when it's real, it doesn't ever end- Happy Never After: Gnash

My music is dark, sorry my life ain't prettyJust me and my thougths and they always stick with me
If my head's down it's 'cuz i'm overthinking- IDGAF: sik world

I'm unwell, thanks for asking
Swallow hard, kills sadness with science
But the aftermath might make you sick
I worry I won't be the same
But I guess that that's the point- Medicate: Gabbie Hanna

People wanna talk when I'm not around to hear
I'm not worth the trouble it seems
I would say you're wrong, but I've been here before
There's nothing left inside- Monster: Gabbie Hanna

And my heart was pumping, chest was screaming,
Mind was running, air was freezing,
Punch my face, do it ’cause I like the pain- boy in the bubble: Alec Benjamin

I’m such a ******* waste of achievement
I should put this trigger to my brain and just squeeze it
It’s getting to the point where it’s sad as ****
I’ve given it my all but it’s not enough
Ask me one more ******* time how the **** I feel
Imma ******* lose my mind- anxiety: Bmike

"Baby, never cut!"
She even tried to overdose and take her life away.
You may just feel that blade you're holding is your only friend.- Bmike: baby dont cut

A night of sorrow
A tune of death
Rejection burns deep
I find a hole in my heart

Until im worthy of your love
Nothing left to say
I prepare for departure
Thougths begin to cluster
What have i done to you...
What did i do to me?

The dead cloud
Calmly leads the sail
The night cries for you

Now alone
Looking at pictures of us
My cascade of tears fall upon uncaring eyes
Shadows surround me
Crying out my name
Bleeding,
I am fallen.

Call from hell, call to heaven,
Call for warmth for tears,
There, the heaven, far away, a little,
Closer than thougths,
Warmth in heart
For a believer,
It can be hard to breath,
Without living,
Far from the heaven,
Breath-away to hell,
Call for warmth, call to home,
Driving through flames,
Call it home

and rhyming poems
always feel forced
to have to
compromise
to certain words

it’s not their fault.
the words don’t match
the thougths
they want
to express

Can you still feel me? The real me?
Or are you still caught up in the fact that you have to unreel me,
to steal me, away from my own fortitude of lies.
And as you stroke my numbing hand down your soft, perfect  thighs, can you not see that I’m dead behind the eyes?

Why do days blend into each other?
Why does my numb body just stand above her?
Passing opportunity after another, where i could feel love,
Why do I feel that it’s not ok, to feel this way?
And why is it such a struggle to make it through another day?
What is up with my godforsaken ways?

Is this all worth it? A silent poem to fall on deaf ears,
Whilst the ones who love me think I’ve been fine for the past few years?
No blood, no tears?
And whilst the cuts in my arm can be easily covered up,
My feelings and emotions are just locked up and shut,
It’s now that I feel nothing through pretending and lying,
This is a cry for help, I’m slowly dying.

I’m fine when I’m with you, but without I’m a storm of suicidal thougths,
I’m a suicidal gorm and my happiness is shop bought.
I feel ******* stupid and there’s nothing I can do,
Yes I hate myself and my life, but I still love you,
Your my beacon of light and you’ll never read these words,
Is there something wrong with me? Or am I just another product of our broken earth?

We formed forces impatiently,
the sharp hiss and sting of pain,
you asked, "Are you ok?" quietly,
I nodded my head in vain.

The lights were on and we were bare,
Our nakedness something new,
Your skin suprisingly soft and fair,
A whisper of history between me and you.

We lost ourselves unsuccessfully,
Thougths too loud in your head,
Afterwards we lay together quietly,
mumbeld words passed along the bed.

The next morning we had breakfast,
Talking over what we'd done,
Smiling at eachother nervously,
Agreed it was just some fun.

But your thoughts they kept on nagging you,
messages of twenty or more,
your denied conquest like a blade threw,
as your feelings sank into the floor.

I'm here to amend the memory,
the weight of your body against mine,
But I can't make myself touch you anymore,
and this feeling is no longer fine.

I'm sorry you think I used you,
You mean so much more you see,
You're the person in my life who,
Sank into sensation with me.