Falling,
Falling into the black.
I am encompassed by this darkeness.
It has dimmed the depths of my soul.
I have run,
and the further and further I go
I realize how I am achingly alone.
Fading away
Into the haze of bleakness.
Someone catch me!
I’m falling too fast.
I’m so afraid
That I’m not going to last.

As if the sun had rose for the first time
I witnessed the beauty of a day beckoning and bursting with light
Awakening and coaxing my feet
Urging me on
Dismissing the darkeness that once consumed and committed me
With open eyes the questions are endless and I realised how much of a child's mind
posesses my growing wit
I try to expell the corruption and injustice to breath freely if only for a moment
Craving the euphoria nature aptly offers free and full of grace
I ponder her deep waters and ceaseless wind
Trees like towers wave off and hypnotizes
Simplicity is now becoming a great friend
Taming my wild mind
I am clawing at temptation and I must force my will to break this
Who am I without this twisted warping sickeness
I try so hard to decipher this
but only time can reveal the true stasis

We all hurt
we have all tasted the dirt
We have all felt pain
No matter how little its all the same
Its not a competition
Its no ones ambition
Don't be upset because I have a sadder story
I don't do it for the glory
Did I forget to mention
its not about the attention
We need others to care
Not to compare
people need to feel
Before anyone will heal
Your pain is just the same as mine
You will understand in time
the darkeness will clear
until then I will always be here
To hold your hand in the dark
To show you how to find your spark
believe in your heart
Then begin a new start

I can see cleary the scene where we first met
I feel the warmth of your smile
I hear the glee in your voice
I am entangled in the thought of you
And when I saw you walk towards me
I felt as if the heavens blessed me with an angel
And When I saw you walk past me, I knew I was only in your path.
I am entangled in the thought of you, and why I am unwanted.
I hear the silence in your void, your words are never for me.
I feel the darkeness settle over me again, where it always is.
I can see clearly the scene where we last met.
Discarded. Forgotten. Unwelcome. Me.

Running
Fast considering the darkeness
What am I running from?
Not sure
And yet here I am
Up hill now...
I can see better
Moonlight creeps in through some breaks in the surrounding trees
A Demon Dog of the night jumps
out at me, moonlight reflecting off it's teeth
Gimlet colored eyes make my stomach drop
No.....No......No.......!
I wake up a minute before my alarm

the art i feel
is part of our daily
smart
to do it heart
we must start
realising
light
is part
bright
and part
might
darkeness
to it
guises
and starks
empty comes
out white
the two do not right
speechless is swiped.

What a strange feeling
it is to want to die
The joyous surround
always wondering why
someone would refuse
to just choose
happiness
As if this feeling
can be simply
harnessed
Like a mutt on a leash
Easily controlled
Always obeying the
commands it is told
Instead I feel despair
While others say
if I'm just grateful
for each and every day
then somehow I'll be cured
Which is like saying
if a man who's been laying
paralysed in bed
would thank God he has legs
then he'd be walking instead
People look at the
smile on my face
but they'll never know
how much practice it takes
to feel yourself break
drowning
in your own tears
that you hide in fear
from those who would ask
"What's wrong with you?"
while keeping that
super-glued
lie smothered across your face
Because if you tell them
the truth
That you just don't know what
to do
about the emptiness
and the darkeness
How getting through
every day
feels like you haven't slept
and you're starved to death
but you have to run
a race
And what's funny is that
you really are tired
and you never want to eat
Or maybe you can't stop
But if someone asked you
to run a race
you'd stare at them and laugh
in their face
Because you can't even
get out of bed.
So when a best friend's boyfriend
got down on one knee
As much as I wanted to feel it
I couldn't feel happy
So I put on my mask
and played the part
of the ecstatic friend
while holding my heart
to keep it from bleeding
Because blood would show
and no one could know
They wouldn't understand
why
I was feeling so low
that I wanted to
die.

here is a darkeness i cannot hide
a fear about to colide
a worry thats eatin me
my darkness its so in me

Can feel it in my bones
its drooling of holding home
I can taste it when I breath
taste the darkness thats feeding me

I look and see it there awaiting and not a care
It wants me ..wants me now
The darkness about in devour
my soul repels yet darkness holds
down and down I fall

Seeping through the open door,
Crawling along the ground until it reaches the wall,
A black figure sneaks,
It tilts its head,
Watching,
The figure creeps closer,
Reaching the edge of your bed,
Grabbing you,
It pulls you into the darkness.

Four years ago I chanced upon Colorado.
Only then, did I realize how my life could change,
Realize how to truly love, loving everyone and loving right.

I saw mountains, rivers, and people who changed the course of my life. Only now am I headed down a different path.

A new person I became until I met him, from Colorado as well.
Maybe he was different and right, truly right, truly lovely.

Colored winds and beating trails is
How I lived for one week
And never again could I return to my old self;
Never again would I accept loneliness as a friend,
Grasp tightly to the darkeness, or
Engage in affairs that I need not be tangled in.
Daring to change, daring to love, daring to greet the new me with open arms.

Ive packed my soul
and all thats left
Ill walk this path
Alone this time.
so long my love.
Heres to my life.
Ill close my eyes
This time.
Goodbye my love.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
No regret and no regard
my leaden legs
no trace or sound
of Life.
Only for now my heart,
Youve gone
Where i cannot.
farewell,
So long,
Goodbye my heart.
Ill leave this time,
Only after goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Darkeness again,
My dear old friend,
The rythm
Of love
Of life and blood.
Last breaths and rights,
In long goodnights,
Far stares and sighs,
Never enough to mean goodbye
My love
But for now
Goodbye
Goodbye.

"Everyday there's less light soon the darkness will overcome me and then what will i have the light in me is going off little by little and no longer can i hide that their is no hope no feelings no happiness all that was lost a long time ago but soon i will fade in the world of darkness known as reality"

As I sit on my porch on the first mornings light,
the darkenss still creeping in.

As I watch the first mornings life, I can not help but wonder...
the birds sing their mornings hello and all I hear is your silence

Silence so loud
Slence so quiet

Darkeness surrounds the silence
but yet I must move on
hoping to one day hear the first mornings life
feel the first mornings sun say hello....

Flesh of a lonely man
Needs make up
Wreaths on this list coming

Crossing out and ticking the boxes
We’re still holding the dust of souls
And ashen glances look like desultory glances

****** on the nursed streets
The streetlit howling winds can fly out of educated lives
We are only left educated minds changing their ways and stealing cigarettes

Feigining for the father figure
I hope we have had a good time
The night’s brighter with the vivid growth of the undernelly

Knell bells tolling, killing the bleeding
Sojourn the dress, and adjourn th court
Red crimson tresses sense the mallet of sentences marking forever

Those worst worshipping travelers of trafficking
Altruist, my forefathers are looking at us like it’s now or never
The darkeness is inevitable, but, the tunnel runs out with indomitable spirit stealing glances from the Gods of religions so decrepit
I had my luck in my pocket from these corrupt politicians, and reiterated that I’d run and reign and then run
Like the apoplectic season of the monsoons, teaming up either way

Your sun on my breast

2 glasses of tequila,
After we put him to bed...

Herbal wrapped in tobacco then tucked in paper.
Hits smoother than you in your prime.
I'm high in no time.

Tryna school the NWA on chakras, intimacy, & community.

I can tell you're fantasizing what you want to do to me.

I want to want you like you want me

I'm aware that it's unhealthy.

So I locked my womb & swallowed the key.

Blessed the bottle with my touch, glasses clank, & our fingers touch.

Grape seed Oil & Mango scent

Massaging you with great intent.

You love me now & I am content

Your phone rings & now I'm on *******.

Call me jealous, I call me hurt.

You massage my back & I can tell you feel lucky

I can tell you still love me

& I love me too

So ******* , like I once loved you.

Both wondering how we got back here, as we lay in each other's arms.

My intuition alarmed but I'm in control. I am forgiving , I am alive, sacredly living.

It's you who be haunted. It's you who try flaunting.

I see right through you like crystal waterfalls

I stand in the water , as you reach a hand through from the hidden cave

Around you, vast darkeness that can't be explained

You try to pull me in with your rage
But nevermore will I tolerate child's play
Naked
I walked away

These last shots we took,
Made me bulletproof.

It’s getting kinda late
The sun is gone for the day
The tides grow fonder of the darkeness
Waiting for their Queen to rise

Send me to the moon
At least I’ll be happy there
I try to forget this growing worry
That the Earth will end soon
Should I panic or should I ride this storm  
No one ever told me
The world could be so cold

I wish I could turn time
And live the good days
Sunsets, Moonlights
Sunrise, it’s all fine
At least it was a good life

Can you return to me
Because I need your warmth
Please return to me
Because I miss your energy
You’re my beam of light
In this rather dull life
You’re what keeps me going
You’re what makes me feel right

Fill my heart with joy
Even if it’s just for a second
Stare into my eyes
And wipe away my tears
Look into my soul
And you’ll find me,
In the deepest part of space

I never felt like I belonged
I was always felt out of place
I entered the plane one day
But it feels like I never left
I never saw the change
But as time passes
So will I and so will you
It’s getting kinda late
But the Sun will return soon

Its not always what we planned or thought it would be, but its what we got and sometimes when the darkeness fades, it's golden and it's greater than we expected.

The pain aches.
The tears drip.
The heart breaks.
The seams rip.

In its place
A darkeness blooms
Of my longing for
More memories with you.

And yet I find
As my heart breaks,
You should leave
For my health's sake.

I never thought I'd see the day
That you and I would part.
Now it's the only way
To save my barely beating heart.

Looking out the window
All I see are sad heavens
Tears falling as rain
Heaviness forms the clouds
Screeching thunder fills the air
Fiery lightning..
Cutting across
The only lights that brighten up
The gloomy skies

I reach out and I'm embraced by
The long unyielding cold fingers of the winds
Creeping into my already empty n dark soul
Filling up the void with more darkeness

I close my eyes and let my self go
Falling off the window ledge
Loving the rush of air on my face as i decend
Loving it ..yet anticipating the end..

I keep falling into the cold dark void
At least all emotions wld be devoid
And i would be left with my weightlessness
Floating around ..no more hopelessness

As I become one with u my dark and gloomy skies

Searching for the Dark
Looking for it
It is the curiosity that leads us

Drowning in the Dark
Mirror reflections
Endlessly
And all I see
is
Me
As far as I can see in the rear
So much less forward do I feel
Within that Deep Darkness
You find your Comfortablity

You know it won't go on Forever
It is Leading You
Somewhere..

It's at the End
Where you find out ~ What you came to See..

Let me See x3

Please

Once Faced with True Reality
All you see & Have
Is YOU!!

Thought you'll find the answers
Deep within the darkness
But it left you stranded - feeling all
Alone..

But you FEEL
BALANCE / FORCE
And you Realize
YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO WALK ALONE!!

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
The shake hands with the other You
Once Accepted
Both you're Good & Bad

It provokes
The sense of Fear

Fear
Darkness will resurface

If you do not Forgive
The past
Conflict will remain within You
You give Darkness the Upper Hand

The Fight has to be Together
Without Both
There is No Greater Force
Letting Darkeness into Your Light
And visa versa

It is Time
Time is All there is
You Choose
To Live
Or to live in the Past
Where Time then just Passes by..

Stop looking for horizons
It's right under your nose

Quit being weak
Quit being unwise
Pass on what you have learned
Strength
Wisary
The Greatest Teacher
Failure is

Reparh what they grow beyond
That is the True version of Mastery

Why is there this sickening tunnel of darkeness? It causes me to spill my darkest secrets. It wants to blurt my pain out into the night but sympathy and pity cause unbearable strife.

I don't need help and I don't want your pity. I don't want to talk. I don't want empathy. I just want someone to take my bad jokes and laugh at me.

The expression of joy in my thoughts that are 'sins ' makes the pain somewhat bearable and I can get through the day. Not as tedious as the serious talks and explanations.

"ELEPHANT BISCUITS" can summon a chuckle and a question of "what?" Instead of "why are you crying? " because it's not good enough to try and only get ninety three.

ELEPHANT BISCUITS is less likely to worry my class mates than You ******* Half Arsed ******. You're So ****** At Life. You're So Stupid. You Should Go Die.

Which is what I was thinking at the time...

"GOODMOURNING"

There's so many things weighing so heavy,
In my chest full of regrets,
Full of sadness and the darkeness,
And things I never said,

Like how much I really loved you,
And how it hurt to walk away,
When you became a danger,
To your wife and your kid,

The survivor's guilt it's so heavy,
Weighing down like an iron anchor,
With a heart full of anger, pain and emptiness,

All the things I never said,
What our baby said to you on your last day,
It rings echoing in my head,
It's like salt rubbed in a wound after your pour lemon onto it,

It just stings and burns,
You can't shake it,
It don't go away,
They say time heals all wounds....
But I haven't witnessed this yet,

It's been 3 yrs. Now,
You say time can heal but how?
*** my soul is oh so weary,
And my heart quickly defeated,

All the things I never said,
Dues I should have paid,
Tell you how much we loved you,
Thank you for the times you made us smile,
Thank you for the time we shared,
And even though we had our problems,
You were always a great father,

But I'm permanently stuck in mourning,
And words that I wish I could have said and never did,
There was so much left say...
But I never got the chance,
And I just wanna say:
GOOD BYE would have been nice