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Alex Heckman Sep 2018
You say you want to be happy
that you only need a chance
only need a hand to help you out of this hole
but I have been where you are now
I know your lies well
as they were once mine
I know the pleasure you find in your sadness
the joy in the pain
So when you tell these lies to yourself, to me, to the world
I know you need more than you say
but you will never tell anyone that you do
because you do not want to be happy
you want to stay just outside of reach
of all those that would try to save you
because you are content in your grief
comfortable with your pain
alone in you hole
dug for you
by you
but for me to fill
with the shovel of those that jumped in to save me
when they knew I was out of reach
who saw through your lies, my lies.
Alex Heckman Sep 2018
When I stay silent
here in your arms
eyes shut, holding you closely
needing only your touch
The world around me seems to disappear
here, with you, I am complete
even as you turn to leave
Words will never escape my lips
over and over I tell myself “next time”
regretting that I did not tell you
doubt fills my mind
succumbing to the weight of the idea
Escape is my only relief
surely it shouldn't be this hard
captivated by thoughts of rejection
another chance is lost
please just this once
entrance her with those words

next time
next time I will say
just how much

I love you
Alex Heckman Sep 2018
I want to be your cliche
your now and your later
I want to wake in your arms
with my heart pressed against yours
I want to share your blanket
as we gaze at the stars
I want to protect you from all your fears
the way you protect me from mine
I want so desperately to see you happy
so when you say you love him
I can only hope he will make you smile
the way you make me
Alex Heckman Sep 2018
I can see cleary the scene where we first met
I feel the warmth of your smile
I hear the glee in your voice
I am entangled in the thought of you
And when I saw you walk towards me
I felt as if the heavens blessed me with an angel
And When I saw you walk past me, I knew I was only in your path.
I am entangled in the thought of you, and why I am unwanted.
I hear the silence in your void, your words are never for me.
I feel the darkeness settle over me again, where it always is.
I can see clearly the scene where we last met.
Discarded. Forgotten. Unwelcome. Me.

— The End —