recently I've been wanting to be left alone,
away from everyone,
away from everyone's stares,
their questioning looks,
their fake smiles and
fake conversations.

I just want to be left alone,
with no worries or anxiety,
with the sound of soft music playing through my phone
and the sound of rain beating against my window,
while I try to feel content with myself.

feeling lonely is dangerous.
it causes the human mind to think irrationally,
to think that an individual is alone,
when in reality there not.

there's always a constant heartache to feeling lonely,
like there's a void in your chest
and there's pain when you think of your lackluster life.

I've learned to become accustomed to this new lifestyle,
while I stay alone,
feeling as though my chest will burst open,
thinking about my lonely life.

16 Years Old, yet I feel as though I've done nothing with my life.
16 Years Old, yet I've never been invited to a house party.
16 Years Old, yet I've never had my first kiss or first drink.

16 Years Old and I feel like I'm not living life,
that I'm not truly being a teenager
and making life long memories.

I feel as though I'm floating through life.
That I have no purpose,
No sense of direction or belonging.
That I don't do anything with my life.
That I'm simply just floating through the wave of life,
and will be swept away into sea.

Death,
has made me realise,
that one of the worst feelings
in the world
is seeing someone you love
pass away
and in that moment realising
how much little time you spent
with them.

I've forgotten your face.
I've forgotten your face.

How have I forgotten the face of someone I loved dearly?

I have these memories of you but cannot picture what you look like,
or what you sound
or smell like.

Grief is a funny thing and has made me forget the person you were.

God, why can I not remember your face?

I am simply misunderstood.  
People assume I'm weird because I'm quiet,
That I'm a freak because I prefer to keep to myself than beg for attention.

What they don't understand is that I don't trust others easily, which means I avoid every human possible.

What they don't understand is that I have anxiety and it is so difficult to talk to new people.

But like every new person that enters my life, they assume and I am once again left misunderstood.