the woman in white will tell you
"you shouldn't be doing that" and
she'll give you a slap on your other
wrist as not to stain her gown and
you'll look at her and then at the
man in grey and he'll wink and tell
you it's okay and that she's not upset
and he'll encourage you to do it again
so you will because you don't know
why but you want to impress him and
defy her so you keep going and ignore
the woman and slowly pull away from
the man because you want to be on your
own now and then you're alone and you're
playing that risky game again but the blood's
coming out too fast this time and you can't
stop it on your own and you can't find
those old friends anywhere and you're
completely alone now and you know
it's your fault but you're still looking
for someone else to blame or help or
hold on to but this is it this is the ending
you thought for so long you wanted and
it's beautiful and it's ugly and you hate it
and you miss the slaps on the wrist because
she cared and you hate the wink and smile
because he made you this way but he didn't
because you did this and you're dizzy now
and everything's getting fuzzy and you
can't get up and she comes back not to
slap your wrist but to tell you to go home
with her and you do and it's peaceful
you're finally happy and that was all it took

recently i've been falling apart
more often than not and i've
been saying i'm fine when i
feel like i'm slowly but surely
deteriorating and i've been
telling people i'm better even
though i know that's a lie but
maybe if i say it enough i'll
start to believe it
god i hope so