In your cold absence,
I have forgotten what
the word warmth meant

Perhaps you were  
the word warmth

But now, you are
the word silence

I talk to you,
but you do not talk back

i'm just a little much for everyone i love,
amongst a bouquet of silver flowers,
i'm a lavender foxglove,
growing sideways and upwards.

{
i tried to grow tall enough to be another star in your sky,
but the azure ripples of your universe became a whirlpool,
pulling me under, under the piercing night,
yet, somehow, my roots held strong to the earth around me.

i tried to grow my roots deeper into the rusty ground below,
but my leaves grew weak and my stem became invisible,
and your sky released a tornado of snow,
and yet, somehow, my flower petals pushed forward.
}

i love myself, i love the people in my life, i love love,
in a field of waving white wheat, i am a violet foxglove,
against the soft blue sky,
you can see me reside
in my own space,
by my own grace.

she is the kind of a girl who is keen,
like a foxglove flower that i've never seen,
beautiful and elegant on its looks,
but seems to be very poisonous.

a bell-shaped highly toxic flower,
a life ruiner and a happiness killer,
a flower that is very dangerous,
that love requires you to be very cautious.

she can cause irregular heart function,
severe pain and hallucination,
that's the reason why it's hard to love,
a girl that's like a foxglove.

Often I feel like people do not realize I am smarter than they think. Perhaps not in the way I handle math problems or in the way I act out.
But in the way I observe and listen when they believe I am not.
The way I take notice of things and keep that in mind for the next time, and the way I see what makes them tick, what makes them uncomfortable and where to hit to hurt.
I tend to know and knowledge is power, but it is also restrain.
I have bit my tongue many times to avoid saying something at the right time to hurt just where the skin is soft and the bone is fragile.
I am a demon with a sword but all they see is a dumb young girl. Sometimes I wish I could show them my ****** teeth as I rip them to shreds right where the wound is red and raw and too often scratched by words. I could rip it open all over again, and you would not see me coming.
You would never expect me.
It is my blessing and my curse;
I wish to hurt to relieve my own pain but I have been wounded so many times I cannot inflict a blow to somebody else
Though I long to bare my claws and rip out the goody-two-shoes so you may see the monster beneath.

You made her a walking heartache by leaving, leaving without a goodbye, leaving her with nothing but your fingerprints smudged n her heart like stained glass doors. You see, if you dusted her heart for fingerprints, you'd only find yours, but I guess you haven't came back around to finish your spring cleaning, now I have weeds growing around my ribcage, blooming thorns instead of roses, I'm all torn and worn, I guess that's what happens when you care for people a little too much, you get so interested in their story, but they only read the title of yours, leaving you to turn into a dust ball of Death's-head Hawkmoths, showing no yellow, orange, and red hue colors, just the color of death. And if you had bothered to come back after destroying me, you would find flies eating away at my rotting heart after leaving me for the dead. My story has been destroyed, and now my heart is rotting like a dead body thats been buried for too long. Every part of me has turned to dust after you walked away leaving me in the debris of the tornado that was you. All you leave is destruction in your path, not leaving anything as it was. You destroyed me and then you left, you didn't bother trying to fix me even after everything you caused. My heart broke and I died again and again, after you I was walking around dead with a stone cold heart. You made her into debris, not by your car, but by your words. She takes walks beneath the stars, and has too many long talks with the streetlights, they talk about you a lot, but mostly how you were a pig, never treating her the way she should've been, the way she could've been. She changed moods with every season, but you never really noticed, and it wasn't changes for the better, you see you made her weak and brittle, and you tossed her around like she was a sack of old bones, so nothing seemed to matter, you didn't care. You're a fool, didn't you see the way her eyes would light up when she's look at you?¿ or was that the ground?¿ she always knew her hazel colored eyes best. You never saw the way she smiled whenever she saw you, nor did you see how quickly it disappeared when no one was around. You never called her beautiful when she didn't have make up on, was it because you were scared that once that thought popped into your mind you knew you were ******* from that very second?¿ or did you just really not believe?¿ Because everyone else who saw her would have told her how beautiful she really was, and anyone she loved would love her just as much, but not you, yet she still loved you with all her heart. Maybe she thought the more love she gave, the less you would be scared of commitment, because thats why you never stay in one place for too long isn't it?¿ why you never finish a book, why you never unpack your bags?¿ You were so scared of commitment you left the one person who was trying to help and you broke her and made her scared to love.

You fade...
Like a bruise.

Like the ones your mouth left on my neck and shoulders with its lustful pressure.
Your teeth, which brought moments of bright pain/pleasure,
Are now bared in an artificial, animal smile.

Your lips, which parted to ******* skin like it was salvation,
Barely part now to speak to me.
You whispered my name like a prayer.
You screamed it like a curse.
You sighed it in contentment,
And now you won't even speak it in passing.

Your hands, which half-playfully pulled my hair...
Now won't pause to brush it from my face.

All these parts of you,
None more telling than your eyes.
Those new windows, which once let me pry...
Now have blinds drawn tight behind them,
Leaving only a pretty, shiny reflection-
A passing, glancing imitation-
Of the passion they once held
When they beheld
Me.

No color left to them but the muddy colors of
Boredom,
And possibly mistrust.

You fade...
Like a bruise.
Like the one you left on my mind with your brilliant conversation
And beautiful, rusty prose.
Like the many you left on my tongue...
Which now can speak nothing but trite and meaningless words,
Which now can barely remember the shapes
Of all the shimmering, liquid phrases it spoke to you
That seemed so important at the time.

You fade...
Like a bruise.
Once lover and friend,
Now barely one
And never the other again.

Its been one day, it still seems unreal, you can't be gone.
Second day without you, please tell me this is just a nightmare
Third day, I told someone about you today, i broke down
Fourth day, I cant get through this
Fifth day, our story was only beginning, why did it end so quickly?
Sixth day, I had a dream about you, it felt too real
One week past, I have run out of tears to cry, I'm just empty
8 days, never mind I’m drowning in my tears tonight
9 days, why do I feel like nobody else cares
10 days, someone asked me how you were doing, I didn’t have the strength to tell them u were gone
11 days, I hate being constantly reminded of you
12 days, I have no purpose in life without you here
13 days, my heart is going to be broken forever
2 weeks past, I thought I heard you, but realised my mind was just playing games
15 days, I saw your favourite food today at the supermarket, I almost bought it, then I remembered
16 days, everyone keeps telling me I should be over you by now, but how
17 days, the house has been too empty and quiet
18 days, I have learnt that faking a smile is easier than being sad and getting fake sympathy
19 days, the memories of you are drowning me
20 days, my anxiety is getting worse and you are not here for me to talk to
21 days, people now think im fine, but they really don’t know me at all
22 days, I want to die. Life without you is just not worth it
23 days, I know you would want me to try to be happy, I’m trying hard, that thought is getting me through this.
24 days, someone mocked you, I completely lost it and shouted at them, they deserved it
25 days, I wanted to talk to you, so I walked up to your usual spot, only to realise you weren’t there
26 days, I sang a song for you today my angel.
27 days, I'm starting to feel that I'm not as alone as I think
28 days later, Its almost been a month how did I make it through, my world is never going to be the same, not without you.
29 days, our song started playing on a long quiet drive, i tried to fight back the tears but one escaped my eye.
One month later, I don't know how to feel anymore, i feel useless and completely empty, and without you by my side i feel so alone, i'm scared of myself. The future, everything. Its crazy how one little thing can change you forever, but you weren't one little thing, you were m everything and I will be forever scarred without you, I hope one day maybe I will see you again.