4/20/2019

Dear Lord, hear me out!
I feel the need to step back-
No, should I go the opposite route?

I don’t know how we got here,
Promise us retreat won’t be a setback.
Your voice is becoming hard to hear.

“Turn around, do the math…
Run… Forget your false perceptions…
You are lost on this path…”

I thought it was safe,
And maybe it is for me.
But what about the others? Forget myself.

I don’t want to escape unscathed,
At the expense of all the
Ones who followed and believed.

“Turn around, do the math.
Run. Forget your false impressions.
You can’t stay on this path.”

Is is too late for them?
Will they continue to follow,
If I abandon what I said was true?

I told myself I knew,
Now my words sound hollow.
Leadership? Old fears it renews.

“Turn around, do the math!
RUN! Forget false apprehension.
You’ve learned from this path.”

And so I left the others and the road,
It was difficult and humbling-
My failure, explicitly showed.

Now I’m ready to follow You.
And I’ll do so without grumbling.
Thank God, for He came to my rescue!

“Turn around, do the math!
Run my race! Forget dejection!
My plan was accomplished on this path.”

1/27/2021

Feet dragging, has it been a long day?
Eyes smiling, what do you look forward to?
Friends laughing, what’s their inside joke?
Legs sprinting, are you late for class?
Voice yelling, why are you so passionate?
Face beaming, do you love the snow?
Coat lacking, are you unprepared or just used to it?
Arms waving, who are you excited to see?

Mouth silent, what thoughts are behind those eyes?
Stride confident, what trials have you overcome?
Back bent, how many books do you carry?
Dress exercent, what opportunities await?
Mission apparent, will your task succeed?
Trips frequent, how many rounds are left?
Work efficient, what job will be next?
Air independent, what’s holding you back?

4/13/2021

I just wanna sleep,
But the caffeine in my veins,
Tells me it’s gonna happen otherwise.
I wanna run and leap,
But the veins in my calves,
Tell me I haven’t exercised.

I just want some quiet,
But the ringing in my ears,
Tells me to forget it.
I wanna seem like-minded,
But the grinding of the gears,
Tells me they won’t get it.

4/4/2019

When I question,
Where do I go?
Who can give a suggestion,
What is there to show?
I am overtaken by exhaustion,
My head bowed low.
Greed no longer my intention,
I am ready to know.

I am fed up with always taking,
It is time for me to give.
I’m done with all this faking,
I must truly forgive.
Help me start the rebuilding,
It’s time I truly live.
It’s not just me who’s crying,
Others are more secretive.

I cannot take others’ problems,
I could never care enough.
It’s easier for he who condemns,
To empathize is truly tough.
Uncomfortable the situation becomes,
When stories are devoid of fluff.
Flirting with the doldrums,
Is not my favorite stuff.

God, if I am to have aid,
Then let it be only you.
I know you have already paid,
Even if sin appears to continue.
I need you to pursuade,
Only you can change a view.
You’ve already made the trade,
Now there’s nothing for me to skew.

I’ve made the decision,
To step down from my pride.
Now guide my vision,
Show me who is outside.
I am only an illusion,
You are all that is inside.
Without you, all is confusion,
All is clear, with you beside.

God, how can you see beauty,
In the vilest thing and enemy?
I fear for my own security,
But it’s not only about me.
To accociate would make me *****,
I can’t stand all their blasphemy.
Oh, my rotten mentality,
Erase my faulty dichotomy.

If I am to reach the world,
With your gospel message,
Let your plan be unfurled,
Show me partners on this voyage.
It’s not just me who’s called,
And the others are not in shortage.
I am no longer troubled,
God is our advantage!

His army is not just of one,
He is Lord of thousands,
If you stand still and listen,
Your heart heavily pounds.
His power matched by none,
His enemies He dumbfounds.
The victory He already won,
All by His commands.

6/3/19
What gets you outta bed in the morning?
What is your motivation to live?

Buzzing alarm, groggy eyes, aching back,
Yelling mother, honking bus, ringing phone,
Bright sun, freezing air, thin mattress;
Surely there’s more than this?

Yes, surely there has to be a reason,
There must be a passion!
There must be desire!
There must be something!

Maybe you live for another life,
Maybe you pursue wisdom or knowledge,
Maybe you aspire personal glory or attention,
Your goals will drive your motivation.

Yet, maybe there is no passion,
Maybe you have no reason to go.
Or your reason is not bigger than you,
Your passion is not well-founded.

Maybe you keep going only for
Others’ expectations or demands.
There is only desire to please,
No passion for actual progress.

Don’t you want to just fly out of bed?
Don’t you wish to just love life?
You cannot hide your life away,
Because there is passion, reason, and desire!

7/5/19

If time is a racetrack,
This lap is far from over.
If time is a river,
I’m swimming against it like a maniac.

One day I’ll be out of time.
Which is sad, but by that time,
I’ll have to say, “bye,” to that time,
It’s lost; I can’t buy that time.

If time is a classroom,
I’ll always be tardy.
If time is a party,
I’m hiding in the bathroom.

I’m powerless to overhaul,
I can’t fix it – certainly!
Life goes by so slowly,
But I can’t remember me at all.

If time is my master,
My contract will always remain.
If time is a drop of rain,
I’m dry ground circled by water.

Plot twist- I’ll live forever,
Yet time affects me and my effects,
I continue, while it’s rule infects.
Oh, Lord how much longer?

If time is an elevator,
I’m opposite the top.
If time is a mop,
I’m the unfortunate floor.

Comparatively, I’m very young,
But I’ve always felt for “this generation,”
Treated like fools in corroboration.
You with experience, hold your tongue.

If time is a book,
I read the first and last page.
If time is a cage,
I’m in it, like a crook.

8/16/19

God, you put me through a refining fire,
Where I stood, you desired to enquire.
After burning away the junk and ****,
One ***** drop was all I could brag.

Oh God, it’s easier to trust you when
You pour out blessings again and again!
But what about the times I wish to forget?
How can I trust you when I’d rather reset?

When everything is out of my hands,
When I’m caving under the demands,
That’s when I need you most, Lord.
I guess I call out only when I’m floored…

Yet even when I don’t trust like I should,
Oh God, You are still forever good!
I’ve felt your Spirit now more than ever,
Prying my thoughts apart like a lever.

2/15/20

You’re everything that I need,
But are you all that I need?
I question if I even trust you anymore…
Oh Lord! I’ve been here before.

So I’m back where nothing’s new,
Reflecting on how much I believe You.
Last time I argued – put up resistance.
Yet You don’t punish my insolence.

I can be confused and frustrated with You,
So You have to be real and true.
You are not able to be defined,
So you must not be my own design.

God, You engineered my systems,
To pump life through me like pistons.
And I stand before You shaking my fists,
When You control whether my body exists.

But You love me! You tolerate my witlessness.
And I respond – as if taking my first steps –
With downhearted repentance. Lord, I’m sorry,
Without Your blessings, I’d be left in sorrow.

5/8/2020

Off the ground, I’m in another world,
With only the wind to bother me.
What am I always so busy with?
I’ve forgotten what to worry about,
What a difference two feet can make!

2/17/2021

You covered the world with a blanket of lies
But now your blood flows the streets like a river
You turned everything white as if it were pure
But now the end has come to your coat of death
Your shy retreat was slower than your coming
And now the world returns like soldiers from war

5/7/2019

God, stop me at once!
I've been telling you what to do,
And there's no telling what that will do.
I lack so much in experience.

I'm so demanding,
And yet so indigent,
I order things like I'm a sergeant.
But I'm the opposite of outstanding.

I want you to work for this "god of self,"
But you're more than I could ever think.
I live and die in one blink,
I can't escape - overtaken by time's engulf.

So why do I try to be,
The boss of all of you?
I master nothing of value,
I'm just riding along in this derby.

Oh God, humble my prayers.
I've always known what I wanted,
Boldly I asked of you - undaunted.
But here is one of the answers.

I ask, and ask, and ask!
But I never listen.
Now the light bulb is on like Edison.
My pride exposed - is grotesque.

You speak in a quiet voice,
Not because you're weak,
But because we must seek.
I've gotta come to you by choice.

3/25/2020

Too much. It hurts.
There’s too much to think about.
I could write a thousand words
Without even breathing, but

Would my words be make-believe plots?
Would they agree or would they argue?
Would they be my feelings or my thoughts?
Would they be authoritative and true?

The wall in front of my sight,
Four clocks I can see.
None agree, but one’s bound to be right.
How do I know which to believe?

So here’s just a scrape off the top,
Just a taste of the seasoning,
Just a crack in the rock,
Just an ear to the tone of my reasoning.

Present me with a choice,
I’d favor myself every time, why?
When I’m safe, I forget anyone else,
But I can’t live life alone, can I?

Empathizing with them who have none,
Is like letting everyone pass you in a line.
To understand the ones in square one,
Lay down in a puddle for them, a bridge out of your spine.

A picture can store a moment up like a ****.
A memory can last a lifetime unchanged,
But eyes can speak better than a tongue,
And emotion can disappear before it’s explored.

Just like paint drying on a wall when it’s sunny,
Life is a great change to a new form.
Life is better spent in warm company,
Just like a blaze is fed by a firestorm.

False hope is always an illusion.
Parting ways is a detriment.
Misinformed opinions are confusion.
Saying goodbye is too permanent.

I have so many problems, but no troubles.
A ****** war doesn’t mean I lost, get it?
Notice what’s new and what’s rubble,
And which old things are due for an edit.

I’m a fly on the wall,
Guts splat flat with a quick swat.
I’m a mighty roaring lion, ready to ****,
Tranquilized by a tiny dart.

Walking for a week to nowhere,
Is like airing up a blown-out tire.
Crawling in the dirt in open air,
Is like watering a dead flower.

Reading truth without knowing it clearer,
Is like forgetting what you look like,
After you just looked in a mirror.
There’s hardly anything that weak.

People are like houses,
Calm on the outside.
Yes, people are houses,
Busy on the inside.

They came to the New World looking for a City of Gold,
Cibola! But, “How ironic is that?” I ask.
‘Cause our Lord’s word He will uphold;
He’s preparing His streets with gold pure as glass.

What if what’s come to be expected of us,
Is no longer what’s accepted by us?
When every day has it’s own excuse,
Every day is a special occasion to misuse.

I’m not perfect, I hope you realize that.
See me like God sees you, capisce?
But I’m thick-headed like a hard-hat,
Why can’t I practice what I preach?

6/1/2020

I do laundry, four-thirty in the am,
Then hit my knees, worship the I AM.
They say a wise man has many counselors,
But a wide man hasn’t been outdoors.

All these pressures, they’re hanging over my head,
It feels like my head was hanged instead.
Can’t wait ’til you’re lost to ask for direction,
Before you’re attacked, seek protection.

Are the poor exempt from being generous?
Waiting, will riches make us rigorous?
When I’m ready for Him, I say, “Lord come soon!”
But when I’m not, He could come then too!

All the white-out in the world’s inventory,
Couldn’t ever erase your story.
If you were in the room, I’d be filled with fear,
Nonetheless, right now I want you near.

When I speak, I use the low beams, not the high,
I’m trying to break it to you light.
But all that nonsense talk, that’s bologna sauce,
Quit lying, you ain’t nobody’s boss.

Is he doing this because he truly loves?
Or because it’s what a leader does?
Being scarred for life leaves one dreading the past.
Being healed for life leaves one relaxed.

I write as quickly as I can with my hand,
I still can’t write thoughts I understand.
I waited for seven years to toss the weight,
But I was still seven years too late.

What more could I want? I have ev’rything I need!
I’m so dissatisfied, I’m so bored.
I have all the world’s knowledge, and that’s a fact,
I don’t care at all, I’m ignorant.

If you desire to be calloused to the truth,
You’ll live in a palace with a skew.
If you really want to maintain your balances,
You’ll live to entertain alliances.

Only ride the fence if you’re ripping lumber,
Jump the fence if you’re feeling limber.
If you wanna get going, grab an atlas,
And do smile when you arrive at last.

9/5/2020

How many times will this happen,
Why do I repeat these actions?
How long will I fail at the same task,
Before I realize I’ve never asked?
You’re waiting to bless my socks off,
But You are not a controlling God.

Some people’s wisdom is really humor,
Cuz they said my brain had a bright future,
So bright, it’s like I’m light-headed,
But how do they know where I’m headed?
That’s easy for them to say,
When they’re them; but I’m me, okay?

They’ve made exceptions for me and all,
But that don’t make me exceptional.
It makes me feel entitled,
Like I deserve better treatment.
And when I’m treated like I deserve,
It really gets on my nerves.

I’m scared to ask, I guess,
‘Cause I know you’ll say, “Yes!”
If I say it’s my best now,
I’m definitely holding out.
But if you see through and call my bluff,
I’ll probably walk off with a huff.

Before you slip into deadly habits,
Be sure to count your hatchets.
If you ever think you can’t wait for something,
You’ve got another thing coming.
Sometimes you just need a week in the dark,
To see that in Life it’s worth aiming far.

Change takes a wash with a rinse cycle,
Then a dryer for the tears by the eyeful.
Trying to burn it down? Fire works.
When it’s over celebrate with fireworks!
Can’t have a shadow without light,
But one day wrong will be made right.

I grew tired of correcting people for so long,
So now I just leave them in the wrong.
Instead of dumb, they feel clever,
But they’re duller than ever.
But what’s the difference, really,
Between thinking and speaking – it’s silly!

I’ve got physical pains from my mental problems,
I really hate em, and I’ll never solve ’em.
But I don’t have to when I have them covered,
By the One on that cross who suffered.
Yet I still feel the convulsions,
Every time I turn from Your instructions.

I don’t get easily excited,
My face, like my tongue, is quiet.
When you try to surprise me,
Acting all sneaky like spies be,
I shrug it off like I already knew it,
And you’re thinking, “Man I really blew it!”

Growing up, I truly learned a lot,
But how much was really taught?
It was all learned my own way,
Growing from my mistakes.
I only knew to act in responsibility,
After I failed and left myself in fragility.

Swords and arrows really break my soul,
But with words, I stop and think until I know.
Suffocation by my own breath isn’t comical,
With circular reasoning and faulty logicals.
Please update your bulletin boards,
Don’t send hate and bullets through boards.

I know how to shut down a conversation,
When I put my tongue in operation.
I’m a most interesting person, I promise;
But I’m bad at first impressions.
When you give up, saying “***** it,”
I shrug, thinking, “I really blew it…”

3/21/2021

Wouldn’t you love a piggyback,
Off of what I stuff a piggy bank?
Just leave the pieces on that table,
Where it used to sit with that jingle.
Shattered dreams with broken swine,
Scattered screams – my stolen dimes.

You don’t care about the bystanders,
You aren’t fair by your standards.
Confusion – your warning smile,
Conclusion – your warming style.
Words that feel hot under my collar,
Alerts where I wheel a rudder of honor.
You should be hanging framed pictures,
Instead you’re aiming pulled triggers.

Somewhere is the cheer,
I sit at a full table,
But my mind is the more crowded.
Anywhere but here,
From the inside surrounded.
Where to? About time I mounted.

A shiver shoots down my spine,
My heart accelerates,
I hear footsteps behind me,
But I don’t dare look,
I know they’re not even there,
I sleep soundly at night,
Knowing it’s all in my head.

I can’t get outdoors,
If I have to throw
Out doors for windows,
In order to grow.
So I’ll stay indoors
And keep ’em all closed.

You’re on the top floor? Sorry
But it’s a single-story,
Everybody’s got the same story,
Chasing the same glory.

If you think you fancy my time,
Better have deep pockets.
If you wanna see my insides,
You better have sleek sockets.
But if you wish to know my mind,
Be ready to weep by buckets.

11/18/2020

I don’t want to be a person that everybody wants to be,
Why should they look at me and think I have it all together?
Do I put on a show so good they believe it?
My careless apathy is bliss,
But if I showed them that I actually did care,
Would that give them too much power over me?
How many times have I scrolled my contacts?
Deleting numbers, cutting contact.
I’m intimidating sometimes, but what if I have fears of my own?
But really, I have nothing to fear-
Does that mean I fear everything equally?
Could showing fear give me control, if ever so little?
Why is it so empowering to be weak?
What is to be gained by complaining?
Why does it feel good to put yourself down?
But sadness is never as good as joy,
In an instant, comes the surrender to cheerlessness.
But how many words can turn joy into heartache?
How long does it take for broken to be mended?
Are the hours in a day too many?
Why is another sunrise the only thing I’m waiting for?
Will the vagueness of night give way to clarity?
I could ask a million questions, but what do I do with them?
Will the answer I’m seeking satisfy my thirst?
Does a question end only with its answer?
Is a destination the death of a journey?
Or are there paths worth abandoning in the spirit of trust?
How long until there is peace in this tempest?
How many steps are left up this staircase?
I was never lost, but I don’t know where I am.
There has always been One who knows my situation,
Even though I chose to take many steps alone.
Do I possess the strength to do the hard things?
Or will I remain icebound in this paralysis,
As I watch opportunities follow their course without me?
Do I possess the strength to motivate a good cause?
Or will someone else fill the empty shoes I should’ve?
My ears were cold, so I put on earmuffs,
Oh my soul! Grab a megaphone and wake me up!
Pierce the dampened holes of my sleeping heart.

4/2/2019

To no one do I owe.
With no one do I unite.
If I begin to feel unfit,
To my image I hold.

Somehow I feel it must go.
But I'm gripping so tight,
My fists closed shut.
What do I hold?

I need to know,
Is this alright?
Please tell me what,
But what do I hold?

I fear that tomorrow
Won't be better than tonight,
Is it even possible to let,
Let go of what I hold?

It's not helping my sorrow,
It's not helping my sight.
I feel so inadequate,
Is it useless, what I hold?

It could be so,
That with which all my might-
Not another minute!
Tell me, is it nothing that I hold?

Don't tell me to throw,
All in which I delight.
It's my life, my habit,
All that I hold!

Please, I can't say no,
And return to the light!
It's wrenching my gut,
Still, I must hold!

If this is all to blow,
Away into the night,
Must I forget,
All that I now hold?

God, if you say so,
You know my petty plight,
You see that I am delicate,
Take what I hold!

God, I fear what will follow,
But you overtake my fright,
Please don't quit,
Go! You say to what I hold.

God, you are not slow,
You destroy all that is not right.
God, I can't bear it,
Now, what do I hold?!?

God, I need to grow,
Don't leave me falling in midflight!
I am still so desperate,
Without anything to hold.

Yes, my own ladder was worth zero,
And it's reach to heaven finite.
But now that it's been cut,
There's nothing else to hold.

God, make me your shadow,
I will be your satellite.
The entire time, I must admit,
It was you I needed to hold.

I am no longer hollow,
My future is bright.
With you as my magnet,
And when to you I hold.

And when you I borrow,
You take the spotlight.
I struggle, but humbly take the exit,
Oh, what now do I hold!

1/22/2020

A blank page. Is beautiful,
Like an empty cardboard box.
A blank page is pitiful,
Like a bike without shocks.
A blank page is powerful,
Like he who controls the clocks.

Words. Are dangerous,
Like a career in bomb diffusion.
Words are ponderous,
Like time spent in seclusion.
Words are useless,
Like having skills in indecision.

Expressions. Are misguiding,
Like incorrect road signs.
Expressions are inviting,
Like getting off the sidelines.
Expressions are exposing,
Like craters left by mines.

Fears. Will debilitate,
Like brakes locked on an icy road.
Fears will dictate,
Like poor learning of law code.
Fears will fabricate,
Like a hasty corduroy road.

How can the potential of a chart,
The potency of what we hear,
The mystery of an open heart,
Not keep one from outrunning Fear?
You just don’t know where to start.
Oh, when will everything become clear?

Pain. Is difficult,
Like a test of endurance.
Pain is heartfelt,
Like an understanding glance.
Pain is insult,
Like taunts in arrogance.

Doubt. Is dividing,
Like a denominator.
Doubt is saving,
Like a backup generator.
Doubt is disregarding,
Like a prideful visitor.

Acceptance. Is costly,
Like a gambling addiction.
Acceptance is ghostly,
Like it’s writing fiction.
Acceptance is necessary,
Like a correct prediction.

Love. Will change your ways,
Like moving across the planet.
Love will catch your gaze,
Like seeing a leaky faucet.
Love will not cease to amaze,
Like that: nothing but net.

How can feeling sufferance,
The weakness of doubt,
And the need for acceptance,
Continue to keep Love locked out?
Oh, how low will I cling to reluctance?
I just don’t know where to start.

10/25/19

Why would I make an innovation,
If I knew it would fail?
Why would I design a life,
If I knew it would die?

Why would I train someone,
If I knew they would betray me?
Why would I Invest money,
If I knew the market would collapse?

Why would God love the world,
If He knew it would hate Him?
I can’t imagine how much love,
It took to turn His back on His Son.

I surely don’t love the world,
Shoot, I barely love myself somedays.
I guess that’s why;
Why I’m not God.

9/15/2020

I have a woodpecker in my treehouse,
He finishes his pounding and bows.
My tongue bids him a friendly farewell,
But I hope he never returns or fares well.

My treehouse of all places!!!
Why won’t he respect my special spaces?
It’s the only tree in this yard, I know,
But when I need peace, it’s where I go.

He stops and knocks where he pleases,
Who cares what he builds, I like when it ceases.
It’s probably a home for his family,
But how could I stand living more unhappily?

Pounding multiplied, sounding terrified,
If this bird seems polite, picture a parasite.
See it from my perspective,
And you’ll understand it’s not subjective.

‘Cause when my peace is destroyed,
With everyone I’m annoyed.
They’re on my permanent bad side,
Made out to be turbulent bad guys.

I’m struggling to bring this metaphor around,
And I’ve gotta leave my answer left unfound.
The tree is my head, its house my mind,
The bird is an ache, that I really do mind.

6/15/19

You are a most fragile thing,
Yes, and you’re rarely found pure,
Refreshing like a mountain spring,
He who lacks you is honestly poor.

People fear your genuine company,
Your attendance can be lonely.
So they take you into custody,
To destroy you, thinking of self only.

The collective chaos of your absence,
Somehow they thrive on it.
What they carelessly lack is balance,
We don’t get along in the least bit.

You are a most difficult thing to disturb,
You bring such a pensive atmosphere.
Distracted by other things perturbs,
But just like that, you disappear.

4/10/2019

To the one overcome by other people’s struggles…

Are you some sort of therapist,
That so many lean on you?
They line up as if for an interview.
All this weight on your shoulders – unnoticed?

You don’t mind helping others.
But how are you supposed to grow on your own,
If all you ever do is groan on your own?
You’re still alive, but this weight – it smothers.

They say you gotta find a lightning rod,
To relate all your problems to.
Hey, that’s what you thought once, too.
But your immunity to pain – a facade.

The burdens of other become your own.
Issue after issue you assimilate,
And their privacy, never violate.
You know what you’re doing – it’s by design.

Your back has become numb to the weight,
You are growing stronger…
Now people will love you longer.
You exist to take on their pain – but wait.

This sounds all too familiar.
You’ve heard this story before.
This connection, you can’t ignore.
The man who’s already done this – no failure.

Jesus, the man who took on sin,
So much sin that He died.
He paid the penalty, but never cried.
But through death did he – win.

Could you compare yourself to Jesus?
Could you bear as much weight as he?
No, you don’t even have to ask an actuary.
He’s the only one who – frees us!

So what are you doing with all this,
It’s not your burden to bear,
To you it has become your snare.
But all this on your shoulders – dismiss?

It’s not that easy to drop.
It’s been there so long,
It’s part of you now, making you “strong.”
Someone else needs to make change – swap.

But if Jesus really took the world’s sin,
Then you can’t stand in His way.
You’ve gotta let Him win, give in to His sway.
But He also died for you – took your toxin.

“Jesus, please forgive me!
I’ve been playing God.
And all that reaped was fraud.
I am but a nobody…

“A nobody whom you choose to love.
Show your love once more!
I’m begging for that encore!”
Freedom – all you’re dreaming of.

All He asks you for is for you to ask,
And out pours His forgiveness.
He doesn’t respond with vindictiveness.
And He’s already done – an easy task.

Just like that, weight falls off,
It feels so wrong, the price still paid,
Jesus took your entire burden, an unfair trade.
With His life – down the drop-off.

Hell was reserved for your ilks,
You had your name reserved on a seat,
Jesus paid that ticket, gave no receipt.
Let go of regret – which only bilks.

From now on, you’re no therapist,
Now, fewer should lean solely on you,
No more line-ups for that interview,
The weight on your shoulders – also noticed!

You can share your own problems,
Tell others how you’re doing.
Your attitude, start renewing.
It takes time for healing – but it comes!

Don’t slip into self-sufficiency,
On God, you must be reliant,
He’s the therapist, you’re the client.
The trait of dependence – no longer a deficiency.

With your life, lead others to Him,
He is the One who’s strong,
In Him, we all belong,
Jesus – Love is a synonym.