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I'm easy to love.
Yet I am hard to be with.
My heart is so big and so full,
But my soul so empty and dark.
When I am happy my smile lights up the sky
When I am sad, I am devastated, my tears crash around me as the unstoppable thunderstorms in my eyes rage on.
I give myself wholly to you, everything I have and all that I am, completely.
The problem is when I do that there is nothing left to give myself, and I am left hollow and dim.
I will tell you how much I love you every day and show you I care with little acts of kindness.
An hour later I will find myself lashing out violently with angry hands and shouted words.
I promise I will never leave you,
I can't promise you will never want me to.
I am easy to fall for,
But I am hard to stay with.
I don't usually write freeverse but here is what I am feeling right now.
  Jan 2018 Deranged doll
Brayden Allen
I must run from my thoughts to uphold my happiness.
  Jan 2018 Deranged doll
Srijani Sarkar
The first time I made love to my mind

When love escaped from the gaps
Between our silences and overthinkings
I saw the naked mind.
We sailed from thousand cuddles of imprudence
To a long warm kiss of sanity.
While I dwindled in her arms of fool's paradise
No sleep just one long weary night,
Her ****** reeked of loneliness
I licked it. Hoping to taste ingenuity,
it was the aftertaste of forsaken feelings
that made me ***** her
till she stopped moaning neon dreams.

Somewhere in my walkabouts in her
I created deep craters of memories
Which she took for love bites
were, in fact, scars for life.
We were virgins on our quests
Thirsting our way through wanting and longing......
She made me swallow lust
Slowly. Heavily downtown.
And fingered it, the ***** of thoughts
And she bled musings.
And Phantasmagoria exuding from her holes
And Spurting into mine like a cascade of brooding melancholy.....
And.... And....

The night my mind lost its virginity,
I sat down to write.
Make love to your mind, poets.....
  Jan 2018 Deranged doll
sometimes i let go.
not in the way you probably think,
and definitley not all at once.
i’m not crazy,
even though the chemical inbalance
in my head says different.
i let go a little bit at a time.
first, i let go of the healthy relationships
i once had
down the garbage disposal just like the ones before.
next i’ll let go of my job
and every opportunity
i have worked so hard to accomplish.
i’ll throw away my belongings
and my photographs
and my memories.
i’ll purge my life of every good thing
that reminds me of how good i used to feel and how bad i feel in the moment.
i’ll make mistakes
that seem more like a decision that
needed       to       be         made...

a week will pass,
or maybe just a day or two...
and then i will realize that i just tossed
my entire existence into the trash.
i’ll make everything to be
as close as it was before,
and ill feel **** good doing it.
and then when **** hits the fan,
it’s what i’m good at.
  Jan 2018 Deranged doll
Can I sleep
  Jan 2018 Deranged doll
i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you


  Jan 2018 Deranged doll
Dazed Dreaming
When I was a little girl..
I always believed that monsters slept underneath my bed.
As I've grown, I realized they were never sleeping under my bed.
They were actually sleeping in my head.
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