sometimes i let go.
not in the way you probably think,
and definitley not all at once.
i’m not crazy,
even though the chemical inbalance
in my head says different.
i let go a little bit at a time.
first, i let go of the healthy relationships
i once had
down the garbage disposal just like the ones before.
next i’ll let go of my job
and every opportunity
i have worked so hard to accomplish.
i’ll throw away my belongings
and my photographs
and my memories.
i’ll purge my life of every good thing
that reminds me of how good i used to feel and how bad i feel in the moment.
i’ll make mistakes
that seem more like a decision that
needed       to       be         made...

a week will pass,
or maybe just a day or two...
and then i will realize that i just tossed
my entire existence into the trash.
i’ll make everything to be
as close as it was before,
and ill feel **** good doing it.
and then when **** hits the fan,
i’ll
      let
             go.
it’s what i’m good at.