you arrived unexpectedly
like some sort of calamity
maybe an earthquake or a tsunami
assured i was prepared
for whatever havoc
you would cause
but i never saw it coming
flooding my senses
you were all around me
and as the ground shook below
i fell with no one to catch me
and not much noticed
but with all these walls
i could have built a city
keep it locked and guarded
then you showed up with a key
surprising how you opened it
i could have sworn it was rusty
were you surprised too
when you looked inside
and found everything empty
you see
it was never a question
of casualty or severity
for how could you destroy something
that was too shattered already

you have discovered
you can travel through time
but your favorite place
was always the past
déja vu
you go in loops
reliving what was

remembering is a curse
for feet that desire
to move forward
and eyes that can only
look back
you cannot spit out
the bittersweet taste

this place is barren
but the ghosts you left behind
walk its empty streets
and you keep visiting
to see the love you lost
with flowers on its grave
ones you do not recognize

the present is a place
that seldom interests you
you walk backwards
towards it
you are still welcome
and the gates are open
if you ask for the key

the future cares for you
cannot wait to see your face
you have gone weary
from your travels
going further and further back
you can return any time
but here you will be loved

let the tears i have shed
water the flowers by my feet
i have stepped on my own growth
for far too long
that i have been content
in hiding beneath the ground

let me fall to my knees
and break my bones
i have learned to piece myself together
again and again
after believing i'd remain shattered
for lifetimes on end

let the pain in my body
mark all the ways by which
i have tried to destroy myself
the bruises have left and gone
and yet i am still here
winning against myself

let me feel alive despite it all
because if you told me
when i was younger
that things will get better
i would never have believed
so let me stay a little while

i want to be here for me