I climbed up the church
I leapt off the steeple
I went through to Hell
Like other holy people

Life...

I meant to pick you up
Instead I put you down
Now I'm here without much luck
Inside the Lost & Found

I dropped you on the road
Lost you along the way
I really miss you life
Is what I want to say

Life...

I treated you like a game
That I played recklessly
If I could give it a name
It would be "Only Think Of Me"

I threw you in the mix
Into the thick of things
To late now I've found out
How much life is meant for living

Life...

I think of what we could have had
A seamless harmony
Instead it all went bad
All because of me

I shoulder all the blame
The pain I put you through
If I had known it'd go down this way
I would have taken better care of you

"Dance for me my puppet."
And so I danced for her.
"Bind yourself to me my dear"
And so I bound myself to her.
"Listen to me and no one else."
And so I listened to only her.
"Starve yourself for me my precious."
And so killed myself for her.

I.
Witness your family
stop loving
each other.

II.
Understand what people mean
when they say
the world is not fair.

III.
Be struck with
the realization that
you are not special.

IV.
Hurt yourself.
Don't tell
anyone.

V.
Let strangers
see parts of you
your friends never have.

VI.
Decide that being deep
is more important
than being happy.

VII.
Cut all your hair off
without asking
your parents.

VIII.
Let your ex
boyfriend see
all your scars.

IX.
Go to counseling.
Do not cry.
Not here.

X.
Stop
hurting
yourself.

XI.
Feel empty.
Try not
to cry.

XII.
Let yourself
be defined by the
honesty of numbers.

XIII.
Do not
fill your emptiness
with calories.

XIV.
Pour out your
heart, soul,
dinner.

XV.
Restrict yourself.
Minimize.
Shrink.

XVI.**
Finally
have
control.

When I was younger
I was stick thin.
My aunt pulled my mom aside and cautiously whispered
Do you think she's been eating enough?
My third grade teacher
gave me the nickname
Skinny Minnie,
my gym teacher told me to
go eat a cheeseburger.

Now I look in the mirror
and cannot find my younger self.
My aunt did not blink an eye
when I said
I'm not hungry.
My teacher does not question
when I bring only a water bottle to lunch,
someone, please,
tell me to go eat a cheeseburger,
because I have only eaten
two-hundred calories today
but no one is calling me skinny.

"Just until I'm thin enough"*
She will say until the day that she is nothing but a bag of brittle bones.