Shook off the cold monotone and dreamed of something more
Recalled bright memories standing firm on fragile pages torn.  

In my mind I hear songs that take me back to that place
The words are important yet they’ve been all but erased.

Remembering days draped in clothing that happiness wore
And the praises whispered softly…and the promises we adored.

Gazed through a golden goblet and watched the bubbles rise
Looked up and thought of you as I searched the night skies.

Do you know that I still think of you nearly every day?
Can’t help but lean on you when I think there’s no way.

Tonight I’ll raise my glass to the sky and look up to the moon
Shed the skin of the past because there’s simply no room.

You’ll wink at me from that distant star, as you always do
And remind me to live with gratitude for all that is new.

I love you.

I spent new years in my favorite place you know the one

Waiting for you, hoping you'd come .

Cold and alone I sat on the beach

Listening  to the waves as they break on the sand

I can almost feel the warm touch of your hand

This year will be different I know that to be true

If you can't come to me, then I'll come to you

Slowly I walk to the cold waters edge, not one more year I'll spend with this dread.

The water seems warm on the cold winters night. I feel at peace, it seems so right.

On this new year eve I bid you good night.

Tall buildings, black sky,
Across the asphalt river
parties roar.
Crisp winds blister through the
city block.
I inhale; smoke burns.
My nerves ease…

New Years Eve…

Let snow fall upon a weary heart.
Years come and go.
Ages pass with many breaths,
but what of these smoked filled
lungs?
I fear, no joy for me…

Year of Jubilee…

Come, oh, blessed city, come.
When will ages cease to pass,
like the smoke upon my lips?
Then I will rejoice in a
New Year.

If we had
   1,000 years
to live together,
   it still
      wouldn't
           be
              enough.

It's been six long years . . .
So I know . . . I think I know most of you . . . generally.
Do I know what I'm doing? . . . Should I know?
Was I too vulnerable? . . . Am I still?
Did I break some walls? . . . Were those yours or mine?
Probably mine . . .
Do you remember this conversation?
- " Wait. Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
- " Ye-es . . . I wish I hadn't spoken."
- " I'm going to pretend you never did."
Because that is the cousin of what we had . . .
Or . . . do you even remember that?

Now Lucifer wants me to keep holding on when
Michael is telling me to let go . . .
And currently, it's hard to listen to the archangel
. . . because I still have the memories . . .
. . . because I'm still dreaming of that one little flamboyant dream I once had . . .
. . . because it wasn't six long weeks.
Because it was six years.

it’s our anniversary babe
how long has it been now?
let me count
well i think after this week it’ll be three years
three years ago
you went inside my body coursed through the blood inside me and ripped me apart
three years ago you took a thoughtful moment to pick through my organs with your greedy hands
squeezing
caressing
you wrapped one hand around my throat and the other you stuffed down it
i could feel the ice from your fingertips in my stomach
you did it so good babe
killed me so good
i cant get the feeling out of my head
even after three years
i guess your just special
kiss my lips babe feel how cold they are just like yours
your kiss hasn’t faded away yet its there
lingering on my skin
burning it off with its freezing ripping cold
i’d let you finish the job you left too early three years ago
touched me all over and then left in the morning
finish ripping apart my seams
the threads are still whole
not broken
they’ve been barely keeping me together these past three years
i haven’t flicked a knife against them for so long
but the damage is done
the threads have become thinner
all you have to do is touch me again
you’d hear them snap
one by one
your job will be done
three year anniversary and i have so much to say to you
i think of what you’ve done to me
how you’ve never left my side since that night
that night in particular though
was just special
i’ll never forget it
the scars of what you’ve done still mar my mind
the scars of what i’ve done to myself
although inspired by you
mar my skin
this year i want so badly to let you take me again
**** me again except do it better this time
take it all the way like you didn’t last time
i have no reason to live anyway
let me follow your cold burning kiss into darkness please

deep down i know you wont do it though
your grip on me has slipped you’ve lost interest
just like everyone else
you took my will to live and then cruelly gave it back
and now i’m just stuck trying to make it better
never forgetting the taste you left in my mouth
on my skin
like chocolate but bitter and poisonous

happy three year anniversary you ruined my life



i’ll never forgive you babe
you wont even kiss me again babe

goodbye until next year



love, me