and if i say i love you
i mean i love myself.

Misshapen hands, with scars in unusual places, glide and strike with short flurried bursts across the keyboard. The soft ticking of keys and the clock are the only sounds that permeate the silence. He leans back in his chair to observe and critique his work before moving on, only to return hunched over to correct minor mistakes. This pattern, this silence, has become normal to him. Foreign is the concept of others while he gives his thoughts their first breath of air. The world to him a simple hum tugging at the back of his mind, slowly bringing him down from his throne of creation.

Imagine for a moment
our lives are different
imagine for a second
our world is surrounded by peace
imagine for a minute
this is more than just a dream.

Like an old fashion writer.
Typing letters.
To things.
In hope they react.

इंतेहा हो गई पर सहती रही
उम्मीदो की दरिया जैसी बहती रही

कभी अपनों के लिए
कभी अपनों के सपनो के लिए

चाहे आखो में हो अश्क का सागर
होठो में ओरो की मुस्कराहट लिए

पथरीली रहो पर चलती रही
शाम की तरह ढलती रही
उम्मीदो के दरिया जैसी बहती रही

अस्काम के तराशे हम खुद्गरजो के लिए
मतलबी दुनिया के मकबरों के लिए
हर दर्द सहे उसने हँसते हँसते
जो मुड़ कर न आये उन पलों के लिए

औरत है वो देवी जो बुझती रही
मुरझा गई पर जीती रही
जाने कैसे वो इम्तेहा सहती रही
जाने कैसे दरिया बन बहती रही

||पुत्रवती भवः||
वो मासूम अक्सर पूछा करती थी
क्या लड़कियाँ ईश्वर को भी नापसंद है
जो यही कहते है .....पुत्रवती भवः
और मैं हस कर उसे गले से लगा लेती

वक्त गुजरा ओर उड़ने को बेताब थी वो
अंधियारों में नजर आती मेहताब सी वो
कुछ कर गुजरने की चाहत उसकी आखो में बसती थी
की नजारे जुदा होते थे जब वो नन्ही मासूम हँसती थी

पर जिंदगी को उससे कुछ और ही मंजूर था
सोचती हूँ आज भी की उसका क्या कुसूर था
की जी भी कहा पाई थी वो तेरी दी हुई जिंदगी खुदा
इस तरह तो ना करता तू उसे हमसे जुदा

की रात के अंधेरो में इस तरह नोचि गई
दे दुहाई भगवान की हर जख्म पर रोती गई
दया ना आई जालिमो को ना रूह कपकपाई
तड़पी बेतहाशा कितना चीखी चिल्लाई
लड़ी कुछ दिन जिंदगी से , ओर एक दिन थक गई
अलविदा किया और खुदा के मुल्क में बस गई

जाते हुए मेरा हाथ थाम एक ही बात बोली थी
की आज समझ आया कि क्यों कहते है

पुत्रवती भवः....................

It's painful to read lines
That once meant so much
But now mean nothing at all

Hello
We haven't talked in quite some time
I know
I haven't been the best
Of sons, hello, I've been traveling in the desert of my mind
And I
Haven't found a drop
Of life
I haven't found a drop
Of you, I haven't found a drop
I haven't found a drop
Of water
Water
I try desperately to run through the sand
As I hold the water in the palm of my hand
'Cause it's all that I have and it's all that I need and
The waves of the water mean nothing to me
But I try my best and all that I can
To hold tightly onto what's left in my hand
But no matter how, how tightly I will strain
The sand will slow me down and the water will drain
I'm just being dramatic, in fact, I'm only at it again
As an addict with a pen, who's addicted to the wind
As it blows me back and forth, mindless, spineless, and pretend
Of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today
End of my ways as a walking denial
My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case
But you specialize in dying, you hear me screaming "father"
And I'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water
Water
Hello
I haven't talked in quite some time
I know
I haven't been the best
Of sons, hello, I've been traveling in the desert of my mind
And I
I haven't found a drop
Of life
I haven't found a drop
Of you
I haven't found a drop
I haven't found a drop
Of water

Songwriters: Joseph Tyler Harris
Addict with a Pen lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

it was 9 november
when we last met
and it was 9 october
when we promised to
stay together
forever
and it was 9 december
when i realized everything
is faded
all are chats were deleted
few archived
all our pictures were burnt
all our forever(s) were lie
all our memories were faded

we both burnt in love
we both died for each other
having rooms reserved
somewhere in between
i started fading
i started hating
and i decided to die
die to
everything that made me cry
to everything that made me hate
to everything that stops me from moving on

anjali