I have drawn the unlucky card within life of having friends,
I always befriend people who use me,
break me,
manipulate me,
use my kindness against me
and walk all over me.

This card has served me great moments of loneliness, depression and suicidal thoughts and along with this card, it has made me feel worthless, ugly and alienated.

Friends, have never been by my side in life.
Friends, always end up leaving me in my life.
Friends, constantly abuse me emotionally and made me question myself.

Although the question is, who are you without your friends?

All I have are the footprints that show where I have been.
Passing natures beauty and all the faces that I have seen.

The empty road ahead seems darker than it ever has before.
My mind whispers to me that it cant do this life much more.

I have seen the things aplenty and I am tired of the view.
My days are filled with replay and there is never any new.

I'm not afraid to end it and it certainly holds little fright.
Yet I see others fighting to survive so to end it cant be right.

A sense of being trapped like a mouse treading upon a wheel.
Just knowing that until the last I breathe that this how I will feel.

Do you know these feelings and the empty lonely days?
To wake upon to the morning to curse the suns new shinning rays?

Like you I know not when or if this today will be my last.
But I wont mourn a life of no future and of only never ending past.

Tired of the expectations of what life compels each and all to do...
And loneliest of all my empty days no one dear to say "I love you".

My life is but a long memory of someone no longer there.
I who have no purpose, destined to vanish as if smoke upon the air.

As the crowd gathers
for their final goodbyes
Wondering what they could have changed
Wondering what they should have done differently
thinking to themselves
Why did he think there was no one to turn to?
Why did he think he had no one?
Why did he think he had to go through it all alone?
but
Ask yourself where were you?
Where were you on those lonely nights?
How I cried at night waiting for someone to ask me if I'm okay,
To ask me if I needed to talk,
Just a shoulder to cry on.
Lay me to bed with a promise that you will never let go
But you never came, did you...
You never asked those questions
And left me to deal with it

So as the rain starts to drop
And the sky turns grey
Shed a single tear in my Honour,
And no more!
because you only deserve the one,
So close the casket, put me in the ground
let me sink into the blackness
Crying into eternity
For forevermore

These nights are filled with fear.
Tormenting grins, sick displeasurable sins.
Oh, look another silent tear.
Pure dominance against frail figures,
fingers roam like they are at home.
Demanding hands gripping hips, thighs, anything in sight.
Always right there, never alone.
A future that is seemingly unclear
Tugging at every curve, silencing cries, punishing pleads.
Useless to fight...
Cruel shadows perpetually lurk near.
Planting a seed, making them scream until they bleed.
Skin so thin... it's rather sheer.
Pages flipped through like a book that wasn't meant to be read, at least not like this.
Being alive yet feeling as though they are dead.
Playing games, stealing worth, damaging minds.
It doesn't matter; For it's all the same through thy predators' eyes.

Eventually, no one is worth it;
Rely on yourself and do not
Await a cold cordiality from anyone;
Despite this, always be the first on
Planting happiness in people’s hearts;
Undoubtedly, someone will plant it
In your heart, life as you offer to it,
It offers you more indubitably.