My mind wanders
In these still hours of the night
To the dark corners of fear
Past memories of pain, past love
Wishing for rain to fall and break the silence
It’s loud inside my head
I know at times I’m difficult
My anxiety will fill me with delusions
I know you care for me in ways
Ways you don’t dare speak of
Because then it would be real
And when it’s real then it will end
You say things like it is good until it’s not
But I wonder if I am good to you
I know our lives have different paths
Now they are similar but they can change
It will be different and you may be gone
I try to remind myself that now is what matters
And then the tears come
Because I don’t know if it does matter
Nothing matters
We all end up as dust in the end
Somehow I can’t help but wish for us
To last till we are dust of the past
And that maybe our memories can dance
In the rain
When we are gone and all we are is dust
And feel no pain

If love is for fools
And hate is for monsters
Where does that leave me?

Somewhere in between
Lost in this shuffle
Wandering between forest and sea

Not quite belonging to either
But needing to be with the trees
Someday I’ll grow my roots

i've crossed the widest oceans
made of violent waters of the deepest blue
watched the glittering fish swim beneath me
and listened to them sing their soothing tunes
their songs, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be true

i've climbed the highest peaks
made of weathered ground as cold as ice
watched sunrises flicker against sheets of white
and memorized their steepness in price
their colors, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be paradise

i've walked the endless prairies
made of yards and yards of dry weeds
watched flocks of silken butterflies take flight
and witnessed a million tiny ant legs stampede
their freedom, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be freed

i've explored the darkest caverns
made of massive black granite tombstones
watched the leftover light be snuffed out
and felt the fearful chill in my bones
their emptiness, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be alone

I've walked down this road for so many years
Sitting on a bench wiping away my tears
No one was there, I was all alone
Tearing at the seams of the relationships I'd sewn
And like an ocean I rage destroying everything in my way
A never-ending storm that may or may not end one day
I know I'm broken, that I might not recover
What's the point anyways just replace me with another
I'm just a little lost, only a little bit broken
Taking back every single word I've ever spoken
Seeking shelter from myself, I just want it all to end
Mixed signals, lost connection, seems like my message won't send
Don't tell me I'm crazy because I already know
My feet are blistered, I see blood staining the snow
Now I'm bathed in the colour that once drove me insane
Losing pieces of myself, My sanity getting harder to maintain
I'm wandering looking for something to hold at least for a bit
Tired from the trek I just need a place to sit
All I see is broken windows and shattered glass
Stepping on the shards as I pass
There's an old woman calling me to her
Our conversation short as my vision begin to blur
She told me I'm doomed that soon I will be dead
She talks as though it's sad but does know the thoughts in my head
I see the light growing nearer my journey may just end
I'm seeing things, things I can't comprehend
I see the world around me dim as darkness consumes me
I guess this is the end I can not hide nor flee
Now I'm free I can move on
I'm shedding all the masks I've tried on

I feel
The wandering lights
Dancing through
My mind
All in the sky
Leaving the world behind
I can go
Feel it for myself
The autumnal wind
The shadow of the trees
The salty sea
The brilliant lights of the sun
A thought
Goes through my mind
What if
I could see the wandering lights
That I see in my mind?
The wonder in the sky?
What if
It was all true?
I chase those
In my head
Almost catching them
Just a bit more
Those wandering lights
I see them
I close my eyes
I see those
Those wandering lights
The wonder in the sky
Don't you too?
Just a touch
The sparkle
In your eyes
When you see
Lights
Close your eyes
And follow the light
And with me we sing
In the mountain
Guide me
Oh the wandering lights
The first ones that
Dance through the sky
Tell me how to find my path
Through the Misty mountains
How to find home
We climbed this together
And made a pact for life
Keep climbing up the mountains
Follow the wandering lights
Through the dark
And stay
With
Me

~Fin.

I get lost in my thoughts
I look for a way out
they say it gets better
but I can only doubt
I keep it inside not wanting to mention
the bad thoughts and feelings
they say it's all for attention
The late nights and long days
the endless pain
An emotionless face
silently watching the rain
My words screaming as they yearn to be free
wanting to speak and tell the world my story
And yet the only thing stopping them is me
I took the only thing they yearn for and built a wall around it
I know I'm the problem it's all because of me
I run and I hide hoping for it to end
but I've learned a life lesson
nothing changes until you learn to bend...

I have been a lone wanderer for many a year
When the land was thirsty and the well was dry
Long have I roamed through solitude and tears
But the sun dried those tears as time went by

For even the lillies in their fair embroidered wear
Are as blessed as the certainty that the sun will rise each day
Should I then, the wanderer in despair
Not be blessed with an embroidered coat along my way