You enter my threshold,
We conversate,
A moment of connection, a moment of the yesterday days,
The moment passes as you pull your gaze away from mine.

We ****,
Not make love, not having ***,
Simply **** !

All I wanted was intimacy,
To be held and loved,

All I got was detachment
Aloof and distance

Disappointment clinging to the straps of my bra as I pull them on
Shame stained on my knicker as they slide back up

Heavy is my heart
Desperate is my soul
Deflated is my spirit

You leave, and take a part of me once more

My heart skips a beat every time I see your face
I wonder if you can hear it, as it jumps in place
My chest gets tight and my blood starts to race

If I saw you walking down the street
As quickly as I could I would pick up my feet
I want to catch up, but know to retreat

There are words I hear and things I say
That remind me of you every single day
You helped my life turn to color from gray

Every message I receive on my phone
I hope and I pray that it is you alone
To feel that joy I had once known

I miss you more with every passing moment
You will always be my friend, never my opponent
But it will never be so again, and I know it

you did nothing wrong
you are amazing
i just don’t want to be
in a relationship right now

i was the common denominator

fool me once - shame on you
fool me twice - shame on me
get broken up with for the same reason
four times - it’s a ******* pattern

how do I explain to someone new
that I am running out of pieces
of myself to give away

that i’ve stopped saving phone numbers in my phone until somebody proves
that they’re going to stay

that I don’t even know how to talk about myself
because the things that
make me - me
were the reasons
why everyone else left

that i haven’t figured out
what I’m doing wrong
and my track record
makes me not want to try

how do you tell someone new...
that you already know
they aren’t going to stay

Start by hitting snooze
Twice for good measure
Leave the house just a few minutes later
Turning right into a jam
A thick, slow traffic jam
Viscous car molasses
But much less sweet
Sit there for a second
Simmering in sweat
Your blood begins to boil
Your hands begin to clench
Grip the steering wheel
Watch the clock tick time away
Curse your screeching alarm
Curse the convertible in front of you
Curse Monday mornings
Curse anything but yourself
Know that screaming at the cars
Won’t make that red turn green
But do it anyway
Honk your horn
Flash an unfavorable finger
To the vehicles doing the same to you
How is it rush hour
When everything is lagging
Your will to move is sagging
Roll your eyes at the radio
Wishing listeners a good morning
Oblivious to your mini meltdown
Once you can peel away
And break through that barrier
Sprint down that street
Swerving aggressively
Whip into the parking lot
Pretend your throat isn’t hoarse
And your knuckles aren’t white
Go about your day
Get excited for tomorrow morning
Tuesdays are better
Right?

My heart is a sea,
Dark azure and green,
Its waves crash and turn,
Goodbye, dear sanity.

My feelings are the tides,
Upon shores it rides,
A sapphire marvel,
Beyond which it hides.

My happiness is an ocean,
always churning in motion,
going back and forth,
An unstable emotion.

My sadness crawls deep down,
in the darkness I drown,
it holds on to me,
and sits with a guilty crown.

My waves are ever-moving,
Its height ever-looming,
I am never the same shade,
I am tea ever-brewing.

But this is the way I am,
the way I move and frolic,
the way I dance and fall,
the way I lie and crawl.

I am an emotional being.
I am okay,
then I am not,
and that is okay.

i am shattering like glass
as everything around me slips away
reality fragmenting, i reach to grab shards
sharp enough to slit my own wrists

i return to tendencies of self destruction
like returning to an abusive ex
because even when things are bad
there is comfort in the familiarity pain.

— dis(comfort)