But you will soon leave back to the place you have been longing for.
And when you get there, another woman will find her way into your veins. She will pull my hairs out from your carpet, wash my fingerprints from your walls, and throw out my skeleton that you kept in the closet. She will try to lay me to rest, but I will always be restless. I will be doomed to haunt a heart that never belonged to me and to linger in the moment when our eyes first met.
I cannot go back to the place I have been longing for.

wars have been thought,
battles have been fought.

agonising whines,
in heartrending times.

a bewildering trench,
led by a fair *****.

no compass,
no torch, i am indeed luckless.

my heart has been a target,
of a far-reaching bullet.

the ***** who has the key
to my heart, is dear to me

only can she open up
the heart that has been under lock.

Eyes as stars in my sky,
music in your oh so contagious laughter that makes my heart punch through my chest.
When I look at you I see a painting of a master, brush strokes that cannot match the wildness of your hair.
My heart belonged to you before you spoke a word;
and my soul called out, feeling as though this was the one.

In your sky, I am no star, but a street lamp, ordinary and forgettable.
Your music is another radio station, playing the hits of another life, where I am but brief static.
You look at me and see a blank page, plain, simple, painfully bare with no idea even needing me.
To you I am nothing, but a face in a sea of people.
My soul lied to me, greedy for love and comfort, it has left me broken over wanting you.
My heart cracks every time I see you and you look through me, a ghost of the present.

I remember once, long ago
When you were my entire world
You sent me a text at 2.a.m
The time of the lonely, loving and lustful

I thought it was because,
you were thinking about me.

But it’s taken years
For me to realize
You were never lonely, loving or lustful
Not for me anyway

But because I was an afterthought
I will always be your afterthought

Token me with a crumb of affection I wonder if God’s teaching me a lesson. Burn me an lay me to dust. Will I ever revel myself. Even in good health I break out in cold sweats. Find my self with short breaths. Addicted to you like a crack head on ****. With little to any satisfaction left. Will you reject me. That hurts me to the core. Will you try to use me like a common *****  will I become a bore. You don’t even see my efforts. My heart turns me colder. My mouth become even bolder. Mind set on prize clothed in the weirdest design. With one plan to make you mine.

Yes, I'm hurting.

Yes, It hurts.

You took my sadness and carved a knife.
You took my sorrow and made a blade.
Pushing it into my chest,
I watched you as you plunged it in.
Breaking bones along the way.

As you twisted it deeper;
You smiled.
That beautiful smile,
How could I hate you?
You're everything.

You took my happiness and created life.
You took my laughter and designed a future.
All while the knife was still there,
And you looked at me.
With those beautiful eyes.
How could I hate you?
You're everything.

I bled red love for you,
Yet, this wound still stings.
I bled purple jealousy too.
Yet, you do these things.
I bled yellow hope for you.
Yet, the pain grows.
I bled pink passion too.
Yet, my feelings you dispose.

As you pull the knife out,
Satisfied with your workmanship,
The blade is covered in blood.

You laugh, amused even,
It's your favorite color.

I bleed orange for you.
Just to please you one last time.

Of the two lamps in the room,
my glassy eyes can only tolerate the dimmed glow
of the lower light from the right,
my face basking in the slowly rotating,
barely blowing air from the fan above me.
My face feels flushed,
but not from the semi-sticky early summer heat,
but from the fact that
every time I come back to this room,
I'm reminded of why I left.

The lawyer in me could generate a list,
pros longer than any construction of cons,
yet your name will always reverberate
in the unforgotten corners of my subconscious.

You never loved me like I did you,
and even my romanticized version of you never
saw me the way I
still feel the ghost of you.

I can still feel the crisp fall air from your balcony
and recall the albums and conversations that
complete the track list
of my unrequited love story.

Sometimes it was real,
sometimes it's real,
sometimes it's a dream,
sometimes it's a memory.

And this is the essence of you and me;
it's more questions than answers,
smoke and mirrors and
smoking to make things clearer.

I've never been the same
since you,
but I also don't know how I can ever
get over someone I never really had.

You were mine in microcosms
that were macro extraterrestrial galactic;

was it real?
were we real or
was it all [science] fiction?

Found

I met you and I thought I had found it,
The thing I had been looking for since
I was a little girl.
Someone who knew me better than I knew
Myself, someone who would love me
And keep loving me
Despite all the dark and twisted corners of
My mind.


Lost

But then you left. And I lost it.
I lost the person I thought I needed
And couldn’t live without and
I cried. I wept and screamed and pleaded
With every deity and universe that
You’d come back and find me.
But it was futile, we were both
Lost.