Found

I met you and I thought I had found it,
The thing I had been looking for since
I was a little girl.
Someone who knew me better than I knew
Myself, someone who would love me
And keep loving me
Despite all the dark and twisted corners of
My mind.


Lost

But then you left. And I lost it.
I lost the person I thought I needed
And couldn’t live without and
I cried. I wept and screamed and pleaded
With every deity and universe that
You’d come back and find me.
But it was futile, we were both
Lost.

As much as I want to feel loved,
I don’t think I am lovable.
I fall too fast and always, always end up
Laying on the concrete with
Blood in my hair.
I have flaws, everyone does, but I’m always
Afraid that you won’t love me, not the way
I need you to. I’m terrified, like a cat in a
Thunderstorm, that someone will
Put up with me for a while
Then leave.
And I’ll be left to wash the rust out of my
Hair and wipe the black and grey from under
My eyes.

And every night my love,
I watch you from my window,
Sitting on your rooftop,
And staring at the moon,
Like there's a piece of your heart,
Hidden in it's shadow.

I see it all love,
The way you look at the moon,
Like it's the only place for you,
Away from this chaotic world,
Where you can put your guard down
And throw away your mask.

I watch it every night love,
Your face.
Your face honey, draped in the
curtain of moonlight,
Oh, it mesmerises me,
And the beauty of your eyes,
With the moon's reflection in it,
My love,it leaves me spellbound.

I see it all love,
The way your eyes glimmer sometimes,
And the curve that forms on your face
talking to the moon.
And sometimes,I even see the shinning pearls cascading down your cheeks,
As the cigarette touches your lips.

It's like watching the moon
And talking to it gives you peace,
While looking at your face,
gives me serenity.
I wish someday I could watch the
moon with you and you would watch
the dawn with me,
I wish someday I could rewrite the stars,
And make you mine.
-Neha

I am the moon,
a secondary character
in someone else’s story.
That “someone” is the Earth,
a being I revolve around
who only revolves around another.
That “another” is the sun,
a being who everyone marvels at,
the source of all light and life.

I wish I could be your sun.
The object of your attention,
of your affection,
the source of everything you
can’t possibly live without.
Because you are my world.
I would happily keep spinning
circles around you
if it meant you would finally
lift your head to the sky
and see me.

I’ve never understood what
you see in him.
All he ever does is burn.
His light hurts your eyes,
and you can’t even look;
his secrets hidden below the
warm façade of his surface.
The heat he gives off
singes your skin making it
hot to the touch and
while red has always been
a dazzling color on you,
I hate that it’s a mark left by him.
And when you pull back
to keep from getting scarred,
his absence leaves a hole
that pulls you right back in
for more, like his gravity’s pull
never let you go.

And in the background, I stand,
waiting for you to run to me,
the master of manipulating
your tears—like the tides—into a smile
that shines so bright I think
it might outdo his very existence.
And when you’re done using me
to make yourself feel better
for always getting too close just
to get scorched by his unhealthy rays,
engaging in this toxic dance of
back and forth,
you continue to squint in his direction
hoping he’ll happen to notice you
instead of tilting your head to notice me
among all the stars I have to offer you.

I wish I could be your sun
because maybe then you could
realize that he was never
good enough for you.
And he will always keep shining
to lure in the ones who are captivated
by his very being,
only to hurt them in favor of
shining for another.

Then again, if being the sun
leads to heartbreak and scars
just know that I will always be
Your Moon.

a letter to my accidental unrequited love

do you know i sometimes kiss you with eyes open?
to make sure yours are closed
at night, i don’t sleep until your breath turns long
and your heart rate slows
i brush your hair back with my hand,
eyes open
only when yours shut can i close mine
but sometimes i stay up looking at you
because i’m already living a dream

i have a heart disorder that causes a great load of pain
at night when it flares up,
and i try everything in my power to keep it together,
you ask me if i’m okay
i always say yes
because i can longer distinguish if it’s my heart or if it’s you

i’m falling for someone who is incapable of falling for me
who’s not truly over their past love
who can’t give their all
i’m falling for someone who will never love me back
someone stop me
pull me back in
the storm is coming in and i’m slipping in puddles
someone stop me from loving the person
who gets me wet
who’s tears i wipe
who’s heart i hold
she can’t do the same for me
but here i am

she tells me she’s falling for me
i think she’d try to catch me in a trust fall
she’d put her arms out, tell me she’s ready
but once our bodies touch,
her arms would go limp
because she wasn’t lying to me
she was lying to herself the whole time

i won’t leave because i hold on that one day her thoughts will react the way she
begs them to
that she will be here with me
for once, completely here

until then
i get unrequited love

she tells me she can’t balance it all
she lists the people taking up her time
a depressed mom
a best friend falling through her fingers
a job with too many hurt souls
a school with expectations almost as high as her own
me
i ask her if she can take something away in the list
give it a little less at least
i know the answer is the person who writes too many poems about her
i’m the only one who can’t promise forever
so why am i here still?

remember the day i lost who i was?
i convinced myself you were going to breakup with me
you told me you never saw a reason to break up
but, you never gave yourself a reason to stay

In a dream I had once,
you smiled at me like I was your world.
Never
have I been
more disappointed
to wake up.

I loved you in the timeless hours
of a dark city.
In the morning, who you were
had been replaced;
the people that we were together
no longer there.
All the memories erased, so you
could love somebody new.

But the shadow of you still lingers
incompletely;
wandering through my slideshow memories
like the glimpse of your eyes fleeting
round the carousel.
A flash under the cinema lights,
over before it began.

Now I'm on someone else's mind
but I'm still under you
in mine.

I live my life on an island,
and my world is small.
I stand for hours on my shore,
waiting for the plates of the earth
to shift beneath me;
to carry me across the oceans
to continents that I will never reach
on my own.