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AE Dec 2019
Sometimes all it takes
Is to realize that you’re awake.
The change that you dream of,
Is in your hands and not miles away.

The grass may seem greener from where you stand,
But to the fellow across the pond,
You have it all right in your hands,
And you’re a fool in paradise,
Wishing for something you already have.

When the light seems far away
Don’t turn around, keep walking straight
You’ll notice that no matter how far you get,
Your first step is what takes you miles away,
To the place where it all will change,
And it will feel like yesterday,
That you were running and now you’re making waves.

There is always another side,
The light at the end of the tunnel,
You just have to open your eyes,
To see that you’ve already reached it.
Traci Nov 2019
You and me, we dance this dance,
All broken glass and circumstance,
Waltzing on sore bleeding feet,
Lost in you, there's no retreat.
The music drowns out my pleas to you,
Spinning in circles, nothing new.
At arms length, never heart to heart,
Though you've had mine from the start.
Painted smiles and pretty hair,
But pain is what lies under there.
I hope and pray I'll walk away,
For this dance to end someday,
But you and I both know I'll stay,
That I'll continue to dance and sway,
Because love doesn't disappear,
And I'd rather hurt and keep you near.
sarah Nov 2019
she’s not afraid to dance
without permission. she smiles when she’s
not supposed to, hugs her friends like it’s
the last time, drops petals behind her when
she walks. every day is an adventure.

he is like the first breath
of spring after a minnesota winter. when
he laughs, snow melts away and butterflies
come out to play. knowing him feels golden;
when i count my blessings i mention his name.

i slowly watched them fall
into each other as i, mere background noise,
fell to the cold, hard ground. i break when
others say they’re perfect for each other,
because of course, they’re right.

as she paints his world
shades of lavender and yellow, i fade from his
memory like a shadow after dark. i’d like to
say the same for him of mine, but the mere thought
of him with her keeps me up at night.
RatQueen Feb 2018
A heart so plagued and finally pacified
Some time has passed and I still can't look you in the eye
I search for hints of you in everyone I meet
but the conclusion that I'm left with is you can't be beat

Something about you can't seem to be topped
rationality screams desperately for me to stop
but for once the good seems to outweigh the bad
It's not typical for a girl like me to not be sad

and I find myself drowning in the undertow
I soothe my shakes and tremors thanks to Marlboro
I've been burned so much before that I come to expect it
my self-worth is crumpled where I left it

A hurt so hollow, rejection swallowed to my gut
Fading footprints I find and follow left right back and front
You may leave, but you always make your way back
In ways you don't even know that you have

Sleep disturbed, the darkest nightmares haunting me
I wake up gasping but you're still right here next to me
perhaps all of it is just irrational
but my track record is nothing short of laughable

So I refuse to let down my guard, stubbornly
read between the lines, and coax my heart, lovingly
I may not say it near as much as I should
but if I could open up all the way I would

A conversation had about intention
Will you be something lasting or a lesson?
I can't seem to find it in me to ask that question
for what its worth, I consider it a blessing
uncertainty in a new lover.
RatQueen Mar 2018
You're always asking me if I'm okay
And I always keep my answers vague
two thumbs way up, I hide my face
eyes cemented shut, just another day

stumble down the stairway
eating out gourmet
don't need a lifejacket in a sea of cabernet,
(You okay?, Hey Rach?)
been a few days since I've had a taste
indentations in the blankets traced

so I sit around, I don't mind the wait
daydream until I leave this place
Always chasing sensations and feelings
sedation isn't quite the same as healing
so I head to the gas station freewheeling
fading and melting into silent sightseeing

You're so special, a wild flame meeting petrol
you don't love me, you love everyone
I'm accidental, not fundamental
so I watch it burn until it's overdone

You're explosive, and I'm corrosive
we probably shouldn't do this
but when has anything interesting
happened from doing what we should've

Skip through the lushest meadow
hope and pray I don't get stung
I tiptoe, I tiptoe
I'm afraid of bees and bugs
RatQueen Apr 2019
I feel our arms they're intertwining
inosculation through the years
I want your heart to beat erosion
armored from my salt and tears
They say its all apart of process
we all have to pay our dues
I was scraping off the mosses
and broke off some bits of you

here it comes
I hide it all
for another day
scratch and scrawl
crumpled paper *****
just thrown and tossed away
I'm so small
but I have time
so much more to gain
I may fall
but know my call
the one and only protégé

tear the heart off of my sleeve
tissue deep under your nail
you snatched it up, scratched it
threw it down, and watched it flail
desperate chambers
pumping restless but alas to no avail
my breast is empty, yet its tempting
my innards set to sail

here it comes
I hide it all
for another day
scratch and scrawl
crumpled paper *****
just thrown and tossed away
I'm so small
but I have time
so much more to gain
I may fall
but know my call
the one and only protégé

are you hollow are you gasping?
are you just like me?
a beached whale thrashing
rolling 'round in debris
no you are different
a tiny treasure I adore
perfect pearl shining big and bright
washed right next to me ashore
how rare it is to find such a tool amongst the trash
but was this jewel made of parasite or lonely grain of sand?

here it comes
I hide it all
another day
scratch and scrawl
crumpled paper *****
just thrown away
I'm so small
but I still have time
so much to gain
know my call
the one and only protégé
Ksh Nov 2019
My depression doesn't come in the form of
rain clouds crowding over the sun and pouring
torrential rain on the sidewalks.

My depression doesn't come in the form of
thin white lines on smooth, brown surfaces --
when I say an arm, would you know if I meant
my limb or a part of a chair?
Would it even make a difference?

My depression doesn't come in the form of
empty bottles and missing wallets;
of nights spent in a drunken haze,
of sleeping in park benches and vomiting onto the pavement.

No. It comes in the little things --
Like the untouched, dry paintbrushes on my desk,
Like the growing collection of half-finished water bottles at the side of my bed,
and the tapestry that fell that I refuse to pick up.

It comes in little packages, like
the sparsity of my fridge, or the overflowing trash bins.
When was the last time my pots and pans have been taken out of the cupboard?
The last time that I prepared something that wasn't
microwaveable-ready, or straight out of a packet?

It's received with little fanfare, like
the state of my hair, unwashed for days;
the sunken spot in the middle of the mattress;
the awkward silence around friends.
Is the conversation drifting, or is it you?

It's crying in the bus for no apparent reason,
it's calling parents just to feel a tug of affection,
it's over-compensating with love and openness that feel entirely alien to be on the receiving end of.

It's smiles, it's frowns,
it's shouting, and silence,
It's day, and night,
and young, and old,
and in, and out;
The point is, the point is --
my depression does not look like yours.

I don't know what it's supposed to look like,
and at this point I'm too afraid to ask
the dark mass at the foot of my bed,
to manifest into something I can understand
lest it decides to finally swallow me whole.
Isaac Nov 2019
they look at it like x marks the spot
in a cradle of apprehension they are caught
in a chrysalis of fear and self-fulfilling prophecies
disturbed sleep descends like cold blankets on colder memories

they fiddle with the dirt with their calloused toes
an imprint of hope on the sands with their soles
the fleeting winds chide them with gales in the night of day
once a broken mind, a broken heart you’ll stay

turned head twisted neck on the floor broken back
from the burdens of many, their condolences in a sack
tugged along for many years to come,
a mission long lost, aimless as the sun
travelled paths leave marks like many stains
of fights long lost and won, of broken limbs and pain
weathered faces carved into fallen pebbles chipped off a boulder
made for something big, something more, just resting on your shoulders
maybe it’s just my horrible sense of direction
Saudia R Oct 2019
Will the fog clear today

Like clockwork
11am
and my eyes open

the same blurry thought makes its way to the surface

will it be today

will the dull dissipate
the confusion clear

this edge of uncertainty
uncertain about possibilities
that might not be possible

this worry

I cannot explain it but my father says I
worry too much

Too much or too little

Too much
too much
too much

dense whispers
in the light of the shadow

but what exactly to see

11am
Will the fog clear today
Jules Oct 2019
I enjoy the thrill of the unknown
The uncertainty is killing me
But I'm living for it
What can I say?
I'm a thrill seeker
What's next?
What's left?
What's yet to come?
Will we ever know or just let it all go?
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