Don't carve me out, I am not a diamond
Because I still got a mask to hold on to.
I can't let this facade loose, so I can face on the world

Nights after nights
These juices keep seeping inside me,
Getting me blinded by those artificial lights

Holding it high, grabbing it by the fragile neck
Pouring it all at once, shots by shots
As I keep dawning myself till I can't hold on no more
Darkness started to invade, putting me to have a good night's rest.

try to breathe in.
try to breathe out.
his hands are on my sternum.
my mind blacks out the image.
i’m wringing my hands together.
no...i’m pulling my hair.
his breath is on my neck —my ear.
i’m pressing my palms into my eyes.
i’m not sure oxygen is making it to my lungs.
he’s making animalistic sounds.
he’s thrown my body into shock.
it’s like watching in slow motion.
—wait. no.
it’s another girl.
and another.
and another.
it’s me.
it’s her.
god, i hope it’s not you.

Can you be patient with me?
I’m still under construction.
I’m still trying to project what I
Feel better.
I’m still trying to figure me out.
I’m still trying to understand.
I’m still trying to love you a little better.
And I’m still trying to get use to you.
Forgive me but I’m not you I don’t know how to
Love in ways that you do. I’m still trying to love myself and love you.
I’m still trying to be the best me possible for you..for us.
—I’m still trying

My internal pain is invisible,
my anguish cannot be seen.
I go through each day
making my way
but with little knowledge of where I've been.

Working, volunteering, trying,
to spark a bit of joy
but I still feel blue,
what am I to do?
My smile is a ploy.

Help.
I'm screaming on the inside
Hoping someone will notice and care.
For now, I feel like a burden
wallowing in my despair.

I'm tired of pretending to be normal
Of the appearance that I've made
Of seemingly being high functioning
When in truth I'm continuing to fade

I'm sorry I can't be happy,
I'm sorry I'm always this way,
hoping someone perhaps reaches out,
tells me it'll be okay

I've learned so much, alas,
Nothing seems to work.
"You're fine Laura, keep going"
Until my brain truly goes berserk

You stole my Heart
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I tried to take it back
Fumbling for the pieces
Smoothing the cracks
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
You stole my Heart
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I let it go
The beating grew still
But it began to glow
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
You stole my Heart
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And helped it to heal
After all my fighting
I've found something real

I've grown into the type of person that says "I will go on with or without you."
Into a person that loses people left and right, but knows that as long as I have myself everything will be alright.
So, why is it I still check everyday for your response?