I don't want to be weak
Don't want to be unfair
Don't want to be confusing
To you or to me
I miss you
I want you in my life
Does it have to be this way
Is there a kinder more compassionate way
To stay open to eachother
To keep loving
To keep being there
Being brave enough to stay
And allow an unfolding
A deepening
To keep learning and growing
Relationships can take many forms
It doesn't have to be black and white
I don't believe it has to be all or nothing
I don't want that

I wish I could make contact
I don't want this
Trying to stay strong
To not crack and reach for you
To stay true to what we said
To dig into my motives
Question my intentions
For reaching out
Simply I miss you
I hate no contact - it makes me want it all the more
I don't want it to be like this
Can you hear me
Can you feel me

You fear you've lost,
Your love at last.
That your full heart,
has come to pass.
The time well spent,
Was not in vain.
The memories made,
Will now sustain.
Hearts will heal,
Mend and restore.
In God, at last,
Do not ignore.

Planes fly over my head,
Whooshing sound I hear,
I look up to the sky of stars,
Find myself lost in my mind wars.
I picture myself in the moon,
With my stained heart so gloom.
And then I fade away into the dark,
Fly away with the wind and the lark.

my chest hurts just thinking about you
my feelings clawing out of my chest
like an animal caught in a cage
i feel bound by the idea of you
glued to the image of us two
my body can’t forget your touch
my skin relives each moment
every neuron sending dopamine straight through my tired brain
serotonin seeping through the cracks in my depression
oxytocin making me high just for a moment
before the anxiety kicks back in
cortisol replacing common sense

the smell of your cologne
something old and outdated
yet so perfect with your chemistry

i miss it
our chemistry
the aching pull towards your body
even when all we did was scream and cry
i needed to feel you against me
i need to feel you against me
one more time

i need to know if it was real
i need to know if we could heal
could this slipshod marriage of hope be renewed

i said i wanted nothing serious
you said the same thing too
we were fools
but love’s a fools game
and baby we were the best at it
until we started breaking the rules

the thing about hindsight is
it’s not 20/20
it’s more like 50/50
half reality half make believe
i see rose colored street signs
rose colored tears
everything stained with pink
from our single shared year

everything that’s rosey
turns black and blue
but god how i’d be so willing
to be covered black and blue
if i was doing it with you
how i’d pay to cut myself open
just to let you back in
the deepest of heartache
was from our own sin

maybe it was both of us
who sunk this old ship
but i am the one
who is still waiting adrift

yes i’d go black and blue every day
if i knew at the end of the night
id be coming back home to you

I was warned
I did not listen
I was told
To keep my distance
Not to trust him
I ignored it
And now I know
I am alone

I miss my place,
I miss my people.
Want to hug them so tight,
Before the tears reach my cheeks.
Want to sleep on her lap,
Cry on his shoulder,
And  annoy him,
My mom,my dad, and my bro,
I'm missing you and love you so.