at two and a half years old,
newly adopted, her first home
my cat wouldn't eat
unless I sat with her.
she would lay next to me,
let me hold her in my arms
but didn't trust her world to eat alone
to be in such a vulnerable state
back turned, unguarded.
after all
her history demonstrated, time and time again
that her food would be stolen
she'd have to fight for it
that someone could hurt her
because they did, they had.
two years later
she'll lay next to me
let me hold her in my arms
and eat
even when I'm not there
but some days
she still asks

How DARE you do this to me? You know how hard it is for me to
Open my mind to others, to trust anyone. I trusted you.
Why don't you understand the enormity of that?

Deep inside, I know you meant no harm. Or did you?
All the paranoia is rushing back and I'm sinking deeper in my own
Righteous insanity as I spiral in panic and fury. This is the
End of everything

You don't get it! I tried to explain it but you don't see how you're
Obliterating everything I've worked so hard for! Why don't you
Understand that you're ruining my life?

Doing this, telling them, betraying my trust in this
Overzealously evil way, nothing will ever be the same.

This is only proving to me what you've been trying so
Hard to erase from my mind: that
I can't trust ANYONE, or maybe I just can't trust adults,
Since I told plenty of friends and they didn't care

Truthfully, I'm getting a bit tired of all this. What's next?
Obviously, my whole center of gravity is about to shift.

Maybe everything will be ok? No, this is the beginning of the
End

Betrayal lurking,
In hope of novelty,
Like news carried by the wind,
Blaming indifference,
Breaking the convention
Imposed by society,
Following rules
Indifferent to the heart.

We seek the reason
That "corrupts" emotion.
To be human is to seek reason,
Hiding from sensation.

To succeed and fail,
To run and fall,
To rise and lower,
To cross,
To decide,
To fix and depart.

Here lies the break
In reconciliation,
In the absence of trust.
Love forgives,
But for how long?
Here’s the issue:
The discontent,
The restlessness,
The blessed novelty.

Would we have arrived here,
Without this search?
I don't think so.
What is normal?
What is predefined?
And by whom?

Betrayal is normalized,
A disruption of trust
From an abnormal union,
But natural to the essence,
Like rivers that flow into the sea,
Waves that break through cliffs,
Eagles that migrate and spread,
Devastating tsunamis,
Storms that ravage.

Ah, commitment, pact,
Agreement, alliances,
Necessary for balance,
But inattentive to temptations
And the shocks of passions,
Stronger and older
Than human wisdom.

Are you a bad person?
Or are you just hurting, and
You lash out at every single person
Who actually cares?

Do you think it makes me feel good,
Or sympathetic, when you
Spit in my face and disregard
Every beautiful moment we had?

Do you think it’s better this way,
To have so many people apathetic to you
From repeated insults, and screaming
And broken trust?
Is that better than having people love you?

In the chaos, i quieten my heart, and listen for echoes of peace.

In the turbulence, I hold fastly
To the promises of God.

that you were
the light
the dark of the truth
the hidden of the known
the fire in the blades
of dew
glimmering
in dawn's alighting
that hope would herald you
as rings in my oaken smile
as rings in my oaken tongue
that I speak you from wisdom
that I drink you from death
for death knew not
your purchase
and I knew not
your loss
for your light was my mote
of surrender to peace
for within, I have been burgeoning
the passions I cultivate due your return
where you wallow in the pools
of my tear full palm's embrace
seeking forgiveness's I cannot part to you
though I love you, your sin is true
but I favor you as my greatest lover
for my sin would be to abandon you
what prices have never been paid to conquer love
that I would submit myself to forfeit by folly
I would surrender myself to pandemonium
before forbidding myself the task
and into the frays of madness
into the braying maw of sin itself, I've gone
to conquer your heart with gladness
that surely,
through God's grace,
our Love is Won...