There are days that I forget myself
Who I was, or what am I supposed to do..
Its as if I'm in an autopilot
Just doing what I do
Yet when the night comes
The tears falls too..

What's wrong with me?..

It’s human nature to search for meaning
In the most meaningless of things.

Then what would you call it
I am here,
and sometimes I stumble,
I am adfrift here;
those parts of me that dread the evening,
when the warm dawn fades along
the crest of hours,
I am waiting on Jehovah,
I am making changes in my minds sky
but I ask Jehovah for his breath of wind,
I need him to rearrange the world behind my eyes.
There are all of these days, these shelves
of moments, I will gratefully wait
through the taunting minutes that spit seconds
in my face, I will make the change
I will pray with all of my rivers,
with the branches of every tree, with the heart
that holds a secret from the darkest of dark,
with the world that God is rebuilding, which was given
out of his love, I will pray through that head
where everlasting light resides atop..
That Jehovah God, keep me there waiting in the reflection
of his loving heart. Please keep loving me, Jehovah.

Giving up is easy
excuses are easier
hard is to stay
and make them work is harder

Our archives were
Hardworker
who invested as
Co-worker
and results weren't flying along colours
and so discarded

Appreciation lies in their patience
Compassionate was their love
Beautiful was their compatibility
Love was theirs
and lovers were they

Options were lame
they wanted long answer type questions
luck wasn't in their list
but she was his destiny

All that never goes
that is preserved prestigious
in our small boxes of memories
that we would never allow to flee
these boxes are ours
and our heart soul all inherited
from him......

Send me a true love
and I will pay it
because I never get it.

I kept walking for forty years;
I had my joys and my tears.

I was a daughter, mother and wife;
I was told that this is life.

I have no regrets.
I have met my targets set.

Then why this question sounds New?
When she asked me “Who are you”?

I fumbled; I stumbled.
But the question is still unanswered.

I am sad, I am nervous;
I was walking with No Purpose.

Maybe it's ok to let it go;
No one else will ever know.

Or, maybe it’s time to walk again;
To finally find “Who I Am”.

I didn't know I was lost until I met you
I'm still lost.
But before, I was lost in the world;
A sea of blue.
Now I'm lost in something new.
Something true.

It's 7:17am
and I haven't slept
I've been playing chess
and watching videos about people
probably perceived as less fortunate
one man had a condition from birth
that left him without cheek bones
and his parents rejected him
after 36 hours in the hospital
when he was growing up he worried
"I thought I'd never be intimate with anyone."
he explained and went on to mention
that he hated being stared at
he recalled his first love
her name was Beth
she wore skinny jeans and liked the same music
and eventually left
I felt the pain he felt at reading his adoption notes
how his parents were horrified by his appearance
and felt no maternal or paternal connection to him
when he was just a little bundle of love
I almost shed a tear myself
when he told of the time he wrote to his parents
then in his 20's he felt it was time
they replied with a letter
that said they did not want to hear from him
and that any future attempts to make contact
will be ignored entirely