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Jesica Dittemore Feb 2015
Banging my head against the wall
Going through the blood withdrawal
Crying out, screaming out.
My time is ******* running out.
All I hear is the call,
Please let me take the fall.
This terror and pain
It's always crashing through my brain
Not having the will to go on
Can I make it to see the dawn?
Tears falling, crashing
Splashing on this page
Metal in my wrist
Steel through my heart
Take me lock me up
Keep me in the dark
This terror and pain
it's always crashing through my brain
Not having the will to go on
Can I make it to see the dawn?
45 pills and 53 cuts
Blood on the carpet
Don't wake for your touch
When my blood pain'ts the sunrise
Will the tears form in your eyes?
This terror and pain
It's always crashing through my brain
Not having the will to go on
Can I make it to see the dawn?
This was originally a song I wrote for my ex boyfriend, because he wanted something to describe how he felt when suffering depression. I've changed it for the sake of poetry.
Tiffany Corrigan Jan 2015
in the fields of your mattress you make me feel like a princess
I am yours
or at least you have a piece of me forever
my bones are your toys and fires start when you touch me
it wasn't fair to you when you made me your sun and I made you another planet
but you looked at me knowing I might hurt your eyes
and I stared back not warning you that my light might burn out soon
in the fields of my mattress you are crying and I am still and you asked me why I didn't love you anymore  
in 2 years you have asked me this two times and I have contemplated killing myself thousands of times
I could never love myself as much as you loved me and I will never see what you saw in me so I will pull away until we agree on what I am and it will be easier for me to finally burn out without worrying about killing all the life inside of you
b g Jan 2015
It's midnight.
Outside, people are singing a birthday song for one of my neighbours.
Inside, I have been taking an ice cold shower for over an hour because it's just as painful as cutting open my skin when I turn the water scalding hot every fifteen minutes, but it doesn't leave any scars.
My phone died. The shrink was trying to talk me out of it and into my own bed, promised he wouldn't leave, wouldn't leave me alone, not him, not this time. He said he would help me through it. I believed him. Still do. I guess I'll find out if that's stupid. Later. When he leaves.
Skin was just talking. She's good at that. She's always been good at that. The way her words wrap around everything bad in my head and suffocate it makes me want to curl up and sleep everything off.
Lumberjack just... just was. I don't know how he knew. He just did. Sometimes I wish I could talk to him.
But there's a reason I pray cold showers will mimic the rain and wash everything away. There's a reason for every faint line on my legs, my arms, my stomach.
I say: Crying is for the weak.
Shrink says: Crying is for those who deal. It's for people who've been strong.
I deal in my own way. It's the only way that seems to work. The only way I can think of. Nothing soothes better than red drops and raindrops.
I should crawl into bed. I should never come out again. I should die here, on the bathroom floor, surrounded by tiles and soap and cold water. I should die somewhere else, somewhere safe, somewhere private. I should seek out an empty spot and slit my wrists. How do you slit your second wrist, anyway? I read that most people pass out before they can make the most damaging cut.
No. I should crawl into bed. There's no reason for thirteen. There's no reason for blood, or death, or my mother crying. There's no reason for flowers or funerals or picking out your best suit.

It's 1AM. I'm still in the shower.
Your skin is covered with scars you wish you didn't make…
promises you throw into the lake.
And your brain is full of self-pity,
and your thoughts are getting gritty.

Why would you take a perfectly good body.
Just to throw it away on razor blades.
Your body is growing weaker with each etch into your skin.
But it can’t make you feel again.
Emily Joyce Jan 2015
Its almost like drowning,
All I can hear are the voices in my head screaming
"Do it, do it" as I stare at the knife in my hand
and I want to so ******* badly.
I don't know how strong my will is anymore,
or how much longer I'll be able to fight it.
Abigail Shaw Dec 2014
When I look at you,
I remember who you used to be,
I remember it in the fold of your clothes
and the dirt under your fingernails,
You worked in the garden like you were the flower,
Wearing that mask you should have worn forever.

Now when I look at you,
I do not see a woman,
I do not see palms open with apology as I should,
I see,
The hate that you harbour for me,
You planted your flowers in my throat and now I can't ******* breathe,
Yes I can see,
You settled,
But don't act like I caged you,
Little bird, you walked right on in; I just,
Turned the key,
I muzzled your snarling mouth because I was wary,
Of being bitten,
The only reason I painted you purple was because you lied when you said,
You were a blank canvas,
So don't play the wild horse if you're going to fear the one who breaks you,
You are no bucking bronco,
No, you fought fire with fire and now you're all burnt up,
You played the rose, but without all of your petals you're just thorns,
And you've made me draw blood on more than one of your edges,

But that's okay,
Because I always thought your black eyes looked better than your blue,
And I know the lion always bows to the ring master's whip,
So next time you think about starting to spit,
Your insipid lies, I'd watch your lip,
Because we are a storm,

You can't have your thunder,
Without my lightning,
Or you are nothing at all.
A poem about domestic violence from the POV of the abuser, highlighting the justifications some use to perpetuate their abuse.
Makenzie Marie Dec 2014
Ana is in my brain again
and I'm sorry
to say I'm giving in.
Mia is whispering to me
so sweetly;
Fueling my dreams
to just be skinny.
And today I don't feel strong enough
to decide that I am enough.
Because I feel like too much.
     There's too much of me,
     And I am not enough,
      because I'm not skinny.
Mia is in my head again
allowing me to guiltily binge;
Reminding me
I can purge just as easily.
Urging me, "better hurry."
Run the water
hide the sound....
I feel pretty lost,
And this is what I've found
to cope
with the constant nagging
inside of me.
Ana is in my thoughts today
Reminding me how much I've gained.
And all I've lost- previously.
Encouraging me,
Dissapointedly,
To get down to 115.
I know that I am losing my mind
But maybe along with that,
I'll lose a few pounds.
WickedHope Dec 2014
He just wanted to help
An arm is grabbed
Her heart skips a beat
No, not good, not good...
She can't move
Can't breathe
Inhale, exh-
Inhale, exh-
Can't breathe
She is red, airbrushed porcelain
Can't meet his eyes
Says please don't touch me
He laughs
Please don't touch me
Her body is shaking
Her mind is racing
P-please
He lets go
And she's still alone
This is what happens to me.
I just want someone to hold me and for me not to freak out.
- - -
*He* helped me adjust to him. Then he left...
Andrew, I miss you. ( twoam )
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