I’ll just paint a smile on my face, I’ll keep myself busy
I’ll play make believe that I’m okay,
I’m breaking under the weight, of being not okay!
I feel myself fading away.

I feel like I’ve been gone for a long time now,
My body is present, but I seem to be lost inside.
I used to love feeling everything I ever could.
But now I feel like I’m fading away.

It hurts me to say that I am not okay.
Letting everyone down hurts me more than they know.
It’s been tearing me apart,
The fact that I will never be all that they want me to be.

I know that I can’t keep living this way,
I know what will come if I do not make a change.
I’m buried under the weight of all the shame I’ve brought upon myself
And I know there’s no one to blame but me.

I fear I’ve faded away.

A heartbeat- loud enough to drown out the sounds.
Gypsy rings- the ones that turn your finger green.
A fire- crackling past the perfectly pitched logs.
A silver chain- tangled and twisted like a drunken memory.
Chipped nail polish- fragmented in the shapes of places you have never been.
The lifeline on your left hand- too short for you to get anywhere that you want to go.
A faded tattoo- the one that you regret like your eleventh drink last night.
The red string around your wrist- the one that looks like trickles of blood when it is wet.
The laminated bookmark- the one you ever so eloquently placed in my heart and walked away.

I lie through my teeth
A smile on my face
A quip on my lips
And a plan rushing through my brain

I cast my bait
I stop and wait
So you believe the fake I am
I pull you close and hug you
Only to stab you in the back

I warn you not to cross me
And you think it’s merely an act
Little do you know that
It is too well planned for that

I let you through my walls
So in the end you’re shocked
When I do exactly as I promised
And I walk away still locked

So you take your leave
Quickly and cautiously
Lest I hurt you
Or pretend to be your friend
Try to make you trust me
Just to betray you in the end

At last you finally say
With a grimace upon your face
When someone says they loved me once
‘Oh the game she had you play’

I’m better off without her
That creature who’s insane
The cheat
Liar
Manipulator

One without any compassion
One who will never know love
Loyalty or friendship
Something she works with hand in glove
But is beyond her understanding
Frozen like her heart
She will never have it
They will always be kept apart

Little do you know
That my nights and all my days
Are filled with the memories
Of the people I have crazed

It wouldn’t have hurt this monster (wouldn’t it?)
To lock herself away
Away from the few
Who did not condemn her
(openly at least)
To use their words against them
(far too much experience with that)
To keep her soul awake
Running from the demons
That she’s always had to face

The cruel whispers and the voices
That goad her into thinking
That all she’s ever good for
Is her lying and her tricking

And as I perch on the windowsill
Begging for death’s embrace
I stop myself knowing
That the only absolution
My only reprieve
Will come if I am living
Haunted and tortured for all my days

Don't wait until it's too late
To tell someone
How much you love,
How much you miss,
How much you care.
Because when they're gone,
No matter how loud you shout and cry,
They won't hear you anymore.

I didn't call anyone
I never did asked for help
Now I'm looking in the mirror
I barley recognize myself

they say you gotta live with the consequences of your actions
but they never tell you how to live with a beating heart that's no longer living
they said time heal all wounds
but they didn't tell about the scars that rings torturous reminder

they say take it one day at a time
they never say time doesn't exist without you
they say there's plenty of fish in the ocean
but they didn't tell you the ocean couldn't drown this sorrow

now I'm paying the price
of loving someone a little much and a little too late

Do you miss me ?
Maybe, he said.

Do you miss us?
-yes.

Do we miss what we had?
-yes.

Will you give me another chance?
-No.

There are some
Who age too fast
To keep up
With the trend

There are some
Who say age
is nothing
But numbers

There are some
Who need numbers
To help them
Feel their worth

There are some
Whose numbers
Don't add up
Till the end

There are some
Then there are others...

There are some
Who like to wander
With thoughts
Loose in their minds

There are some
Who spend their lives
Thinking 'bout feelings
Of all kinds

There are some
Who believe that
It's too late to
Trust your heart

There are some
Who'll stand in your way
When they know
You'll make it safe

There are some
Then there are others...

There will always be
The one

There are some
Then there are others...
And there will always be
The one.