the sun is creeping towards
the horizon under the trees
and a sliver of moon is
all that remains of night

my chest
is tight
with heavy
dull twinges

and though i always
long for things to break
up my monotonous routine
a funeral on a thursday
morning in spring was not
exactly what i had in mind

yesterday was recycling
to the curb and while i
ripped apart boxes a
staple stabbed my finger

the sight of blood only
increased the palpitations
under my skin and i've been
trying to forget it for twelve hours

trying to forget
what's coming
ignore the sense of
gloom pooling around
my ankles and the anxiety
wound round my wrists

i just have to make it
through the morning
into the afternoon and
then i can tell the racing
thoughts in my head to
stop what they're doing

and they will
obey me

would it be too much
just to ask for a hug?

Bright Eyes
I know you stare at me while I sleep
Try making me close my eyes by kissing
my eyelids when i awake,
Bright Golden eyes,
Telling me more  when you steal glances at me,
Bright Golden eyes,
To my heart you bring pure surrender
Bright Golden eyes,
Though your lips remind me everytime,
That you love me all the time,
Bright Golden eyes,
Tell me more,
Bright Golden eyes,
Tommorow the sun will rise and I will come back,
I miss you and I love you
Bright dark blue eyes mine
Bright golden eyes yours
Till tomorrow. I love you

Healthy heart hurts, hesitantly.
Her hollow home hears him. Horrific.
How her heart Hi-jinxed her happiness,
He hoaxed her, heckled her.
How homely.

How hopeless...

Loneliness eats me
Like an orange.
Fingernails carving away my skin,
To **** out that juicy pulp of hope
From the outside in.

He called me delicious, but that was lifetimes ago,
Words turning so sweet
They rotted.

I never should have believed him - “I’m
Not just a fruit to be eaten” - that's
I should have told him,
Before these cravings were cultivated. The ones that crawl in
Through the chasms of solitude
Like worms into the pores of my skin.

Because now all I want
Is to be squeezed out
By stronger hands
That make me feel delicious and
Turn my desires
Into the most mouthwatering of juices again.

to the one, i loved the most
to the one who loved me the most
to the one who cherished me the most
to the one who never gave up on me
to the one who made me smile on my darkest days
to the one who made me realize how beautiful i am inside out
please come back to me, love, i don't want to lose you forever

I wasn't there when you died.
Though its clear now that it was your time
You were 14 and had dementia, half deaf, and half blind.
Not to mention the arthritis.
Still doesn't hurt any less

I still feel your soft black and white fur
The feeling when you blessed us with a kiss
Your chocolate brown eyes

When you were a puppy
I remember you losing your teeth
Except you didn't have a tooth fairy

I remember you climbing onto the widow seat
I still have that picture.
No idea how you even got up there.

One week before Fudge died,
It was a normal friday for me
I went to work, had a great day.
I came home and wondered where you were.
My mom had put you down and taken Fudge to the vet hospital
December 9th, 2016
I didn't realize that morning was the last time I would see you.

December
2 pm
We drive up to the building
It seems solemn now
We came to see you for the final time

December 15th
2:05 pm
We gather our courage to get out of the car
I open the door
Its heavy

December 15th, 2016
2:10 pm
We're ushered into the room where you are
You try to get up to reassure us
We know you're in pain

Thursday, December 15th, 2016
2:11-2:16
I'm holding you now
I have your favorite stuffed animal

Thursday, December Fifteenth, 2016
At 2:20 pm
The vet tells us to tell him that you are a good boy
"You're the best dog I could have ever had, Fudge. I'll love you forever."

On Thursday, December Fifteenth, Twenty sixteen.
At 2:24 P.M.
You died in my arms.
The happiness and relief you had in your eyes.
You were in so much pain.
I love you. Forever