It's hard for me to speak,
my heart is racing
and my stomach has
decided to disagree with me.
Then the tears fall endlessly.
I don't want to do anything.

An elderly gentlemen sits in front of me on the train
In fine, red braces and a tweed hat the colour of marshland after rain.
He is concerned.
He left his coat at Derby station and is going to collect it.

A normal man of average age is more self-assured than this OAP.
A normal man with a boring job and nothing to see
Not even red braces

It's like when people get old,
Right before they're about to die,
They realise they don't know anything. They have nothing to be confident of.
They have lived fascinating, breath-taking, heart-stopping, totally forgettable lives.

We've reached Derby now and red looks back at me,
Mouth slightly open and with a long strand of loose hair poking from under his hat.
I smile.
I'm young. I'm only just beginning to know everything.

He is anxious and I am stupid and ignorant.
I hope he finds his coat.

How does everytime
You write
I feel fright
Your words
Always circling in my mind

I hate
That my heart is at stake
But again,
I couldn't repent

My invested feelings for years
Built up fears
Not reaching you
Crushes me within

Are we the same?
Do you also feel that?
In my life you came
So you made me pain

I'm having fun playing dead while I'm keeping my head straight.
Is that hilarious or what? What's funny, is I'd rise for the right hurt.
You've detached yourself, though. Your words sound like grey sleep
within the walls I repaint, day after day when I wake, with the color
you turn away yet still absorb, like there's no short supply. My brain
works for crackers and runs on want that's begun drying.

i love you
don't you know?
more then she could ever love you

and i know its just a short thing
you and her
but it still hurts to think
of you and her
together
while I'm sitting here alone
thinking of you in her arms
while I'm all alone
without you
and it hurts
and it hurts
and it hurts
and its hurts

i should have said no
should have said no
no
no
no
no
it hurts thinking of
you and her together
while I'm alone

god I'm so stupid
and I've made mistakes
but I've been here for you
I'd never heard her name before
yet you say shes one of your closest friends

and i know its just a short thing
you and her
but it still hurts to think
of you and her
together
while I'm sitting here alone
thinking of you in her arms
while I'm all alone
without you
and it hurts
and it hurts
and it hurts
and its hurts

i should have said no
should have said no
no
no
no
no
it hurts thinking of
you and her together
while I'm alone

but i can't tell you no
i love you too much to tell you know
so I'll be quiet
because when you're happy
I'm happy too