This plague is disastrous...
No casualties quite yet,
But my skin does bubble,
And my soul itches constantly.

I'm sure you're somewhere,
Doing something with someone,
Letting me drop so far
Into your unvisited archives.

Back with the forceps,
And your grand confusion,
Of who or what you thought
You needed to be.

The cough has calmed,
Dreams grow a little strange,
I think of you only once in a while,
But you still are my plague.

when i fall,
i don't just fall in love.
clumsily, i stumble
down and then i land

awkwardly and graceless,
stuttering utterly at the foot
of a handsome man,

blundering an apology
out of breath, ineptly
embarrassed about
my shaky hands,

clambering
to dust myself off,
all the while, i try,
desperately, to stand

wishing i could disappear,
i rise as quickly as i can
waving off any helping hand

so he doesn't see
how incredibly stupid
i must be

It's hard for me to speak,
my heart is racing
and my stomach has
decided to disagree with me.
Then the tears fall endlessly.
I don't want to do anything.

An elderly gentlemen sits in front of me on the train
In fine, red braces and a tweed hat the colour of marshland after rain.
He is concerned.
He left his coat at Derby station and is going to collect it.

A normal man of average age is more self-assured than this OAP.
A normal man with a boring job and nothing to see
Not even red braces

It's like when people get old,
Right before they're about to die,
They realise they don't know anything. They have nothing to be confident of.
They have lived fascinating, breath-taking, heart-stopping, totally forgettable lives.

We've reached Derby now and red looks back at me,
Mouth slightly open and with a long strand of loose hair poking from under his hat.
I smile.
I'm young. I'm only just beginning to know everything.

He is anxious and I am stupid and ignorant.
I hope he finds his coat.

How does everytime
You write
I feel fright
Your words
Always circling in my mind

I hate
That my heart is at stake
But again,
I couldn't repent

My invested feelings for years
Built up fears
Not reaching you
Crushes me within

Are we the same?
Do you also feel that?
In my life you came
So you made me pain