this is my poem for the day
this is me laying next to you
wishing you were
inside me
instead.

slightly ******
i lay here
im wrapped in my Mothers afgan
composed of left over yarn
the colors range
this was her very first one.

i feel paws on my skin
a purr at my arm.

i cant wait to spend another evening
napping with you
and our kittens

Dreamer, dreamer,
you always wake up as if you haven't slept,
and all it is that you've kept...
the fatigue of your trials,
the soreness of your miles,
the torment of the lifestyles.

Your sleep is all dreams,
stemming out from your river of life like streams.
You dream of everything that you can't do,
and what the world deems impossible.
Incomprehensible,
to everyone but you.

Dreamer, dreamer,
is there anyone to watch over you in your slumber?
They could give you a number,
of the hours of your rest.
It's long enough to slip into dreaming,
but lately it's seeming,
not enough to give you energy.

Dreamer, dreamer,
if you ever sleep enough, if you ever don't dream,
you'll notice the fatigue doesn't go away,
but you hope it will anyway.

You're scared to find out,
so you keep on restricting your time in bed,
even though it's slowing down your head.
I don't have a doubt,
you're tired beyond dreaming.

Dreamer, dreamer,
there are things to take for your rest.
You try your best,
oh dreamer, you do,
but there are some things you just can't do.

Dreamer, dreamer,
how do you do it?

Day 33, a review:

Without it, I sit,
And if I'm bored, then I sleep.
With it, I am up:
I look with wide open eyes,
Eyes that see the world
And all I could be doing.
I step with purpose,
Standing tall and confident.
I wake, take the pill,
Eat my food, drink my coffee,
And drive off to work
With an automatic smile,
And I sing along
To the songs I know by heart.
Without it, I sit,
And if I must stand, I lean;
Dragging tired feet,
Holding a troubled tummy,
And wishing I'd wake.
In the end, on these days off,
I find energy:
I discover the reserves
Of serotonin,
Dopamine and endorphins
That my body saved,
Keeping stored for "the future."
My brain slowly learns,
And the fuel to keep going
Isn't out of reach.
So on these days off,
I won't despair or decay.
I used to collapse,
Before I knew my full strength
And what it felt like
To set my mind and finish.
So help me today,
God, let this Adderall work
To give energy
And to strengthen my body
For this scary four-mile hike.  

~didn't get my refill before leaving for vacation~

Exhaustion,
Is what rings through my senses as I am about to pass out,
Quater past three, it has been me who wrote through the night until now, serene and clear was it's beginning which now only became a dark memory, recurring in my sleepy mind begging for slumber,
However, such are the thoughts of one who was too weak,
Knowledge was ****** into me, yet the chains of destiny remain bounding, almost tying me up to some sort, I cannot escape.
Oh how I cannot escape this dreamlike tale of misry and restlessnes,
Oh how I couldn't protect my heart in love from dying back then.
It all came to the point of no return until they were replaced.
But why not me ? What was it which I had left to do to go as well ?
Perhaps it was decided that it should have been so all along,
I shouldn't complain, even though humans live wretchedly,
Living and finding a new light to hang onto,
Is what I find very beautiful

~ Murasame

Welcome to the meat shop
Where arms and legs dangle from the top,
Where discarded fats ooze from the lid
Of a metal bin and a giant squid
Is sneaking out through the crack near the back door.

And the floor is ***** and slippery like butter
Oyster juice stained the buttons on the cash register.
Aunty comes with her butcher knife.
She’s about to chop the life
Out of that carp. She misses! And swears.

Her finger, clean cut, and bounces off the floor.
My lord!
Blood sputters from her knuckle.
The entire scene gives me a chuckle.
And I wake up from my dream hungry.