You said you hope you don't smell weird,
your hands were covered in copper
you were in the art room working with metals
I said it was okay
i said "i don't care"
and i kissed you anyways.
as lame as it sounds
i kissed you outside the art room
in a school where everyone hears everything
and everyone's eyes are wide open
i kissed you anyways.
you smelled like fancy men's bath soap
the good kind.
my first kiss was stupid
Hands covered in copper,
down by the staircase
near period 5th.
You held my waist
all thoughts wilted away
hands covered in copper
we kissed the bad memories away.
i had my first kiss the other day
The world is keeping secrets from me
maybe that the reason I bleed and fall
maybe I'm just growing closer to learning it all.
Maybe that's the reason I plead
for some sort of secret sweet release;
so I can learn the secrets
that the world keeps from me.
tilted vases &
tall titled book cases
the world is crumbling
and i'm just mumbling
to myself under thick blankets
i guess ill just sleep for a while ...
I feel as If I’m eternally melting
everything around me that I touch melts too..
I lay down in bed and cover myself in sheets
I melt into my mattress and sink further.
everything around me, everything I touch
My tears pour from my burning eyes
everywhere I look I see lava
everywhere I glance, they vanish:
The people I love
The people I live for.
the tears dance and roll down my red cheeks
the land on my skin and melt into it
even my tears melt away
as well as every strength left inside me
It melts away .
even you melt away too.
for I can’t do anything to stop it
hi it’s been a while since I’ve written anything- I forgot how good of a way of venting it was
Whenever I cut I feel okay at first-
I feel calm and mellowed down-
and then the wave of guilt hits me.
Its almost like eating a Warhead candy
and forgetting how repulsively sour they are.
Or like forgetting to stir your Greek yogurt-
then it leaves a foul taste at the back of your throat.
Instead of a terrible sour flavor,
or a nasty taste at the back of my throat-
I get the urge to ***** after I cut.
I don't know whether its guilt... or what.
But I hate it
i don't know, i don't know, i don't know what to do.
I feel like im going to ***** every last thing inside of me out onto the floor and it'll turn to acid and eat me up from the outside with it.
I feel like im going to ***** up my heart and that'll be the end of me!
Or i feel as if ill throw up my heart and it'll keep pumping blood out and it'll pour out onto the floor and i'll never get to die.
Ill just sit there and suffer as i cough up blood.
i feel like screaming so loud that my neighbors may believe im being slaughtered by my abusive father, but somehow i don't even have the energy to sit up- how would i find the energy to shout?
I feel like taking the sharpest blade in the house so i can use all of my remaining strength to dip the tip into the skin underneath my throat, and to rip it across the fair surface.
i feel like screaming to the world that im sorry for everything and that im just so sorry. Everyone tells me that i apologize way too often but it's the only thing i can ever think to say. I'm a broken record and i keep skipping and jumping all over the place and the only thing that anyone is able to get out of me is the word "sorry" and it's frustrating. Its frustrating for me and everyone else.
sorry,, i typed this up in the middle of class and it makes absolutely no sense and its just a bunch of mashed up thoughts scattered around