if there's one thing
about my deranged mind
i'll never understand
it's the fact that you treat me so well
and you tell me everything
any normal girl
would love to hear
but the way you make me feel
will still never compare
to the feeling i got
from just a simple look
from him

You force yourself to stay within the lines you didn't draw
I'd ask you why you're doing this but cannot be so raw
Instead I'll go along with all the choices that you make
And put the pressure somewhere else until it is too late
So when the ticks and talks become a voice you do not hear
Remember then that spoken time has said, the end is near
Asylum is for everyone but not for all the same
I think you understand it too, you see the patterns change
Directly interfering with the process undergone
Will neither make it easier nor any bit less long
I wonder who I'm talking to or what I even say
I've stepped away from every sense of sense I ever made

I find
feathers so beautiful
I guess
it's because they are so light
That sense of lightness
Makes them so pretty
That sense of lightness...
**I envy

Through the thunder nothing is heard
A shadow of a voice imprinted on the mind
The wind howls and masks their screams
Can one's own thoughts be trusted?
Not in search of, but finding oddities
Things that seem senseless
They fill the crevices left in dreams
There is no help for the silent
Mind tricks and sleight of hand
Say the words and life is lightened
One load at a time

I remember how he sounded
while laughing loudly, lips curled, cat-like,
at a joke inside of him that no one knew
how to hear
and he smelled free
and he looked like spring wind
and he felt like a powerful gladness
that surged into all his surroundings

I remember how he sounded
heart beating tired rhythms, breathing in,
breathing out in a calm that no one knew
how to hear
and he smelled safe
and he looked like the night sky
and he felt like the soft thump
echoing through his chest into my almost sleeping ears

I remember how he sounded
eyes burning with salt but invisibly,
like a dark dawn's cries for sunlight that no one knew
how to hear
and he smelled like the paint from his smile
and he looked like a blind man speaking of color
and he felt like someone I still knew well
but I wasn't quite sure who

i cannot
and will not
sit here and speak to you
in metaphors and similes
like he did to me
because i know that you will not even come close to understanding
but neither am i gonna sit here
and zip up my mouth and lock it up
just to throw away the key and keep quiet.
but again,
i also cannot
and will not
speak to you in simplicity because
it is NOWHERE near that simple.
i am speaking nonsense
and you probably think that i'm just
jumbling letters together to create words
and having them just roll off of my tongue
but i swear to you that i'm not
i'm trying to make sense
i swear
but my thoughts aren't quite coming together
so maybe i'll just talk until they do
this is quite ironic actually
because i may be rambling,
but my feet are really, really cold.