I have looped around this garden for days
Returning to thorny bushes that scrape my skin
Returning to soft sweet scented flowers
Untouchable but tempting
My legs grow tired
I am weak
And yet I walk this circle constantly
Unending
Never stopping
Ruthless cycles
I have become a slave to selfishness
Reaching for the softness, the beauty of the flowers
To touch their petals with careful hands
Hold them to my lips and feel all that I can
Unreachable but seeable and so I see
I walk to see
And see again
And as I start the next turn my heart only longs
To see more
I pass by the thorns
I am trailing blood
Just please let me touch
Let me come back to the flowers
So the walk does not stop
The loop is unending
I **** myself slowly
My weapon, is want

I spend all my days
Wanting and forgetting you
Leaving and breathing you

The absenent taste
Burns bitter
Like ashes
All around me
My teeth grin
With pain

My own absence
Ignores me
Then wakes
Me alive
Just to come
Back down

Why must I
Ever come down

When you are
My bed
Hurried dry dying
To become a
Strawberry stain
Rearranged

She makes me feel out of body
Somewhere else but somewhere lovely
So many times I wish I stayed
But everytime I walk away
Don’t know why I act these ways
Just another ruined day
But every time I look and see
Somebody else is taunting me
It’s not me my intentions are pure
But it’s my ego and I can’t ignore
Everything I’ve been raised to be
Has brought me to this mistake
Selfish, controlling, psychotic
I just don’t know if I can’t handle it myself
I need someone here to help me out
But everyone’s been pushed away
Day is gloomy, dark, not gay
Just do not know what to say

my heart is so tired
I'm losing my voice
and bleeding out

kindness is a target for evil
disheartening doesn't begin to define this ache in my chest
maybe this is how it felt when they drove the nails into Jesus's hands

the only things that keep me breathing
are full of toxins
unfortunately, there are no warning signs of toxins that provide the fix I seek.

my manifesto is to mean what I say
do what I promise
more importantly it is to love.
I've learned that love is the ultimate sacrifice.

this world needs those of us who feel deeply and communicate effectively.  
a "friend" doesn't cut ties over something petty
a lover doesn't leave you because something is alleged to be true.

as a feeler, this will make sense to you.
if you are not comprehending this or not feeling a tug in your chest, go home, lay down and think about times in your life when you felt overlooked. really go back to that moment and feel it.

when you feel it, now know that other person is feeling that because of your actions.

love & art 1991,

henk holveck

Silence
Blackness
Speechless
We all die alone
Some people will be used to it
No one to turn to for comfort
Just means less time crying about losing someone
Better that no one knows you to soare them heartache
I prefer it this way
At least I'll be the only one present
The only person who ever gave a ****
Don't let them fool you
They only care about themselves