i have begun to hate this new life we've started to live
because your never here
and when you are your always asleep
don't get me wrong, i understand why it's like this
but i hate it
because your never really here
when you are awake your exhausted and your in a sleepy haze
and i can't talk to you anymore
there's no time to
and your my safety blanket
you are my human
you keep me sane
sitting and talking and thinking with you is what keeps me steady
and yes, i might be acting selfish right now
but i just want it go back to the way it was

is it my best interest to help you?
or your best interest to take me for granted?

When you told me about your plans for next year
I just smiled and listened without any worry
Just the through made you oh so happy
This is something you have been thinking about for a while because I remember the story you told me
As you talk about the loads of paper work
you still smile through it all
Because now you know one of your biggest wishes is so close you can see it
You’re my best friend and I want to always see you at your best and with a genuine smile placed on your face
But you’ll be in another country with a time zone
12 hours ahead of where we are now so I get sad
I will probably be lost without you and that thought makes me anxious and scared
Our friendship will be able to endure something like this right?
What if you find someone who gets you in a way I probably never have?
Call me selfish but I don’t want you to leave
I am trying so hard to look on the bright side and it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a while
I know my words will never be able to do justice
But please promise me that you will not replace me

If today is the day I die
The next to last thing I would do is stare at the night sky while I’m high
Smoke one last cigarette
Take pleasure in the fact that I finally quit

Will any particular person be on my mind?
All the people in my life are the same kind
Good people, all of them
But not one person worth living for I can name

In the end, my realization would be this -
I would end my life as I have lived,
Even my last act would be selfish