I cannot say thank you enough
For supporting me all seven days of the week
And not giving up where others would
No matter how hopeless or bleak

I am here physically, but not really there
Trapped in the prison within my head
I know you understand for now
I am sure patience will turn to frustration instead

How much longer until you get tired of me
Not calling your phone enough to check in?
How many tearful episodes will you
Be able to face with a grin?

We co-exist but this sweet utopia
Can only last a limited number of days
Despite how calm and supportive you are
Eventually you will tire of my selfish ways

I was a fool in pain.

Selfish,
childish,
wrapped up in my feelings,
and oblivious to yours.

Desperately wanting to extinguish
the fire in my heart,
which I knew would never burn for two...
Heartbreak changed me.

I wanted my pain to end
and yours to begin.
Threw all emotions and history aside,
and willfully,
disregarded your emotions
to deliver the bitter end.

I was a fool in pain.

I see you now,
your accomplishments,
the people in your life
and the love which fills it...
While I
desperately search for someone to set a spark
in my hearth where your fire once burned.
Countless attempts,
countless heartbreaks.

Punishment for the ugly end I wrote in our story.

You were right.
It did not have to end the way it did.

Though the juvenile pain has now subsided,
I forever bear your scorch marks on my chest.
Though we are no longer in each other's stories,
I forever carry you in this tear-jerking memory.

I miss you,
I think of you still.

I was a fool.

Why
does the pettiness
of my silence
affect you
so badly

why
do you expect
by default
an adjustment
to your actions

why
are you quick
to call me out
on my shortcomings
but blind to yours

why
can you hear
only the sound
of your voice
and deaf to
the sound of mine

why
do you believe
that this control
is craved and
makes you
a saviour

why
can't you see
that your insecurities
are laughing
so loudly
at your ego