I sometimes think about beeing someone else
How would that be?
But I'll always be stuck in this body
I just hate me

I can't look at myself
I feel so ashemed
Scares all over
I'm the one who is blamed

My mouth is empty
And yet I chew and chew
Biting my lips until they bleed
Canines scratching at the inner walls
Along with my lower teeth
I can't remember the last time I ate
Everything's bland, no matter how delicious
And the food has lost its taste
I have grown hungry and tired of my own mistakes
I crave for the past to be buried
And for the future to unravel
Instead of digesting in self-hate
Yet here I am, wasting my life away

n.j.

Staring in the mirror at my puffy face
Just like them you're going at the same pace
A razor in my pocket hoping you'll help me through
And if I do it I'm not sure I'll tell you

Cause whats the point if you'll only get mad
Yell and tease to someone who's sad
Break my heart cause I wanted to talk
I'm not perfect but I'm not gonna walk
You turn away cause you cant stand my face
I wonder everyday how I lost this race
I'll end up alone and it hurts more to know
That nobody wants you very long they'll go

it's eating me away
clawing at my walls and corridors i built up to keep my feelings safe
i'll be their last meal for the night
and when dawn comes i'll be remains,
blood and bones ready to ignite

n.j.

My throat is swelling up,
My thoughts seem to be stuck.
You're over me now, I know.
I didn't think that was it, though.
I should've seen it coming.
This heartbreak that I'm feeling.
But I completely deserve this.
Because I acted so selfish.

Sitting behind a computer screen
Trying not to succumb to the temptations of self-loathing
Media has become the cause of my downfall
And the primary causation of self infliction
For months and years I thought and believed
That I was fine, that I was okay
But the slightest contemplation of death
Still brought me relief
I find my fingers running through the keys and letters
Scrolling past every page and article
The demons feed on the lack of confidence
The low self-esteem
And I, the degraded human being
I still set a goal for non-existence
A perfection too impossible to achieve
Yet I know that I’ll always be another face in the crowd
Another flame that’s about to die out
Another girl with too many scars,
Another girl bound to fall apart

n.j.

i don't need anyone or anything
i'm a self-sustaining music machine
infinite energy, wax and wane
some times i feel vain
while i contemplate pain and imagine security
in the arms of another, spurious and distant
i hold my stance and raise my arms

a pitiable defense against the rigours of a lonely life
but they're all i've got and so i take a stab
because the only constant in strife is that nothing short of ****** will stop me
and even though i may feel blue, it's only cos i wanted company
i feel at odds with the inner me
and ashamed that i have to explain myself
and apologize for the tremor i felt

my hands shake with the weight of a thousand cuts, hidden
beneath a thick veneer of smiles and "how are you?"s
she was the only one to reach through and hold the trembling nucleus
to say "it's okay, I know that you can do this"
but i worry her and i can only think about how much i worry them
i some times worry myself, now i think again

but this is the way i am built and i will make it all the same
life is a series of moments and kindly strangers met on a late-night train

i want to be like you. it's easier to like myself now.
but it breaks my heart that i can't explain it properly, anyhow.

nick

She's a beautiful disaster
Pale skin blue eyes
Dark messy hair
She wants to be someone else
You can see it in her sad eyes
The way her smile curves a little at the edges
The way she talks
Not what she says
But the tone she uses
She wants to be someone else
Someone prettier
Someone calmer
Someone someone other than me
    
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