There are days when the sky is a vibrant blue and the sun expels its warmth
upon my shoulders,
then there are days when the sky is filled
with nothing but a melancholy grey,
and I embody nothing but the rain.

On those days,
I may have to drink an extra cup of coffee to pull myself out of bed and face the slight suffocation the real world places upon me.

On those days,
I may not have much of an appetite and will push away any thought of food, even though I know I should eat.

On those days,
my eyes may become heavy, filled with just as much water as the storm clouds lingering up above me.

Some days I wake up
feeling as radiant as the sun,
and some days I wake up feeling as
dreary as the rain.

But at least I always make sure to
wake up and be something.

Is it really self care if I take another day off,
get ****** in my underwear and wait for the night to roll around,
**** a bottle then walk the town,

I am etched with ink,
stretched from yoga
and a dangerous habit of thinking.

I am balancing,
edging my way
along this
lifeline
which someone has placed high
above all of my years,
so that I am trying
(as hard as I might)
not to look down,
and
t
   u
      m
        b
          l
            e
into the past.

This is what I am now;
silver hoops and
wet wavy hair.
Naked.
Tan lines and stripy scars.
More bright thoughts than dark.
With a star, a chain and some string.
Broken wrist,
quelque fois je suis triste.
Big big family,
small small dreams.

We all need acknowledgement
Consideration
We need air and food and sleep and
a sign that we are on someone's mind

You must fake care
We all must
Because a functioning relationship and a
a very low ******* tolerance cannot
Coexist

I have the neediest of needs
Unfulfilled
But your head could not be farther
up your own ******* and you can't see
I'd like them met by you
Oops

Preserve the past in me
Like a mummy I’ll bring my riches
to another world


My sabatoge is your secret weapon.

-Sindi Kafazi

you were young once
bright eyed
you put the raspberries on each finger and then ate them off
one by one
then, older
you took a bus home from school
kept to yourself
playing 80’s and 90’s hits you would later work out with
as “Shout” Turned to “Oblivion”
you would fall to the floor
and pant
get up
walk to the kitchen
look for something, anything
One
Small
Raspberry

Depression is
Laying in.................................bed
                                ceiling
Looking at the
Knowing you have stuff to do

                                                             ­                                             but I can't
                                                           ­                               I have no response
                                                        ­                                            to the signals
                                                         ­                                              of my brain

When the only thing that gets you out
Is the fact you                   have
                                                               to
                                                                ­               ***
And you are no longer comfortable
                      the blanket of solitude
Underneath

Depression is
Saying you          WILL
While you know you             WON'T
Because even though you have                     HOPE
You can predict when the drknss

                                                               ­                                        will strike
                                                          ­                                  it always strikes
                                                         ­                            when I don't expect it
                                                              ­                                    and when I do

Depression is
                                             not
                           laundry              doing
                                      ­       the

Not taking care of myself
Not taking care of my friends
Not taking care of my loved ones
Not taking care of my cat
Not taking care of my birds
Not taking care of my hopes
Not taking care of my dreams

Because if  
                                       ONE
thing my brother taught me with his de     ath

is that nohting  mtetars

because when  you    are     de      ad
y ou   are  GON E
and two generations  might remember      y     o      u

b  u  t after that you are forgotten with the flow of

                                    t               m
                                            i                e