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K Alexys Oct 2015
Was that a dog?
Was it a pair of feet?
Was it real?
Or was it me?

The actors in the show aren't acting,
They're real.
There's no producer no casting,
And I feel,

I feel every thing that happens,
And it's like I'm going through it.
Even when the show ends,
replay and it's like new again.


What was i just doing?

I can't stay still my mind keeps on moving.

am I dead?
Am i alive?
is this my after life?
Can people see me?
Am i here?
i fear nothing but fear.


I cant be alone,
these two will **** each other.
it's hard to have so many personalities
one cant escape another.

papers
clothes
trash
everywhere

my thoughts
my feelings
buried somewhere under there

my voice
is overcome
by more voices
than one

mine is the weakest

schizophrenia is so hard to love.

maybe thats why no one does.

maybe thats why im not wanted.

depressed for a week \
happy for a day
suicidal for 3 years
i just want to go away

i cant control my thoughts
i cant control my actions
i cant help whats wrong

matter of fact who can then?

feels like no one.

medicine and hospitals
i know thats where ill end up
wont be the first time you know.

second,
third,
i really dont even care
i hate it so much on the outside what does it matter if i get locked up there?

mood swings
heavy
so heavy the metal bends

bipolar girl gets worse
she's all ****** up in the head.

i want to **** myself
obviously not enough to have done it
ive tried so many times but every time just wasnt working

pills
syrup
poison
cuts
suffocation
hanging
and i still wont give up

why me why cant i

fly free

like i was supposed to

why must i go through

life being;

so sick and poisoned

im a sweet girl

because of my sickness youd never know it.

it gets worse over time and my mind just keeps on showing.

im forgetting how to spell
where i left my keys
i'm forgetting how i fell
where i left my ID

did i do that
did it happen?
was it a dream?
did i imagine?

whats happening?
what is life?

none of this is real
its all a lie.

i cant help it
twisted mind
i wish i was normal
sickness of mine.
Mila Berlioz Sep 2015
They're eating me alive
It's eating me
It's driving me crazy
It's 5:30 in the morning
I haven't slept
It's killing me
I don't think I might be able to overcome it
But I'm not brave enough
To pull the trigger
Mysterious Aries Sep 2015
SCHIZOPHRENIA
A long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/

Thank You Dearest Readers

Thank You Dearest Readers! I’ve created a poetry story but you make them alive
I’ve nearly give up along but you encourage this poetry story to survive
Every read, every vote and every comment counts
Driving my head into full speed, dancing non-stop in a beat of a beautiful sound

Thank You Dearest Readers! For all the love and care
Your simple words of saying “stay strong”  I feel them really I swear
Yet this is only a poetry story but to me most emotions are true
I’ve been to the darkest clouds but somehow you clear my gray and blue

Thank You Dearest Readers! For all the ideas and corrections
Pointing out your views truly help me travel to a right direction
You really deserve my respect and admiration
Adding some flavor to what I’ve baked, a sweet cake with dedication

Thank You Dearest Readers! How I love to shout out your names
To all of you who helped in one way or another and played my sport your game
My Dearest Readers, Thanks for a beautiful journey
This is “MY SCHIZOPHRENIA”  and this is MY STORY…..

Until Then…
Love n' Care...

Mysterious Aries

THE END
My Schizophrenia Poetry Story #18
Thank You Guys... Especially for those who read "MY SCHIZOPHRENIA" from the start, until this very last piece...
Mysterious Aries Sep 2015
“I could have done better” said the Schizophrenian Guy
"Seems no one valued the gorgeousness that dropped into my skin by the sky
No one care about the talent that destiny gave into my heart
Such a foolish judgment, to then I befriend the dark"

“I could have ended it well” his voice in a bit louder rhyme
"If only I’ve waited for the right and appropriate time
I could have written the greatest inspirational poem and story
But I let those evil, snatched that glory"

“My fate could be not like this my friend” in a smooth voice now
"Imprison my head in a box, letting seeds of darkness to grow
Blind and crippled are playing life with a courage
If only I’ve learned from them and did not act so stupid"

“I can’t change my fate now my dear co-poet” he said while eyeing at me
"Parking my pen too early when I did not get the applause  that I love to see
The last poetry that I’ve written was all about self harming and suicide
I wanted to change that with love and peace but now how can I"

“How I love to ask you to say goodbye for me to my dear ones
But that was foolish I know they won’t give you a slight chance
I’m done my friend it’s time, the light is calling” to then he stop talking
He started to walk away, left me with so much thinking

“What a journey!” I’ve said to my self
An encounter with schizophrenian ghost, really did rock my head’s bookshelf
Looking at my scar hidden in order not to be trace
Dreaming I can make an inspirational poetry someday…  but surely with a twist…


Written: September 17, 2014

Mysterious Aries
My Schizophrenia Poetry Story #17
Mysterious Aries Sep 2015
Now at ICU, I've followed my body
I did won battling my lunacy
But the prize was so high
My poor body gave up, my soul flied

My  friend, my brother, my mother and my Jane
Weeping so much but still hoping, wishing and praying
Fight my friend, stay my son, wake up my love
Their emotions are so true, no one will ever doubt

What am I doing? I must do something
Now that I know that life still has a lot of meaning
So I shifted and laid my soul in my body
They are the reason why I must not give up that easy

I try to move my hand, did they see that?
Try to smile, hopefully someone look at
I must force some nerves, to truly wake up
Praying hard that I can blink my eyes and finally be back

"Oh God!" they've all shouted "doc, doc he is crying"
I counted one, two.... they will be surprised I know
Three... I'm so hopeful, and force my body to sit up
"I'm so sorry we've lost him" said the doctor as I look at my body, now a smiling crying corpse...


written: September 8, 2014 @ 4:55 pm

Mysterious Aries
My Schizophrenia Poetry Story #16
You will fully understand this stuff if you read all my poetry story about Schizophrenia from the start... Thank You...
Fritz O'Skennick Sep 2015
So suddenly the storm breaks…

With such disdain, the voices rage
as crimson tears fall,
so pure against the stark scream
of a broken mind,
finding belonging
in a tide of shattered dreams,
choking on the ashes of promise,
an end that feels so near
but never comes…

Emphatic whispers in the silence
as hate bubbles below the surface,
obsessing trivialities
that call for revenge
on those that trespass against us,
hollow apologies that
appease the guilty hearts,
too little, too late,
crying in the solitude,
for empty words are never enough…

Chaos bleeds from the scars of emotion,
unseen to the eye,
oblivious to the dying soul,
cutting so deep inside,
evolved by compulsions
that become absolute,
a mistake to be made over and over
and so fingertips gently caress
the revolver’s cold metal surface,
drawing it toward me…

Life is a privilege to those
with the courage to stay and live it,
but that is not me…
I am so alone,
each day I disguise my thoughts
behind a pompous smile
as my mind crumbles a little more,
blurring the boundary of reality,
breaking my will to fight
before an inquisition of pain…

The way out is obvious, even to me…
It is the beginning of the end,
such grave thoughts
in the midnight of my soul,
my body covered
in an abundance of fading scars
like a map that draws a path
that swiftly leads me here…
to this moment… this place… this hour…

pushing the barrel up under my chin,
I close my eyes
and………………………
To see a video of me performing this piece, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O81tlUiLB9E&feature;=relmfu
Mysterious Aries Sep 2015
Finally i'm free, finally i am
Away from that cage,  far from that hell stage

Been two months since I'd stopped chatting with them
They've never ceased stalking me, talking to me
But I fought them with gallantry
The courage of not making a noise
The bravery in silence

Finally i'm free, finally i am
Away from that cage, far from that hell stage

Might be the last visit of my loved ones that affected me so much
Gave me a true strength to overpower and block
They've danced, sang, even performed a magic tricks
But all are in vain, the coin was finally flipped
Until totally no voice from them, no sightings at all

Finally i'm free, finally i am
Away from that cage, far from that hell stage

It has been twenty minutes since we left the sanitarium
Finally i am away, finally i am far
"His situation is fifty-fifty" said the nurse that accompanied the body
As i looked at him to my curiosity
Oh God! It was my body in an ambulance...


written: September 1, 2014 @ 9:16 PH standard time

Mysterious Aries
My Schizophrenia Poetry Story No. 15
If it's your first time to read my Poetry Story... You'll fully understand this if you read it from the start.... My Schizophrenia 1... Thank you...
Mysterious Aries Sep 2015
"Stay safe, Stay strong" my old friend giving me some words
"Have Faith" they've said "Give your trust unto the Lord"

"It's easy for you to say" I've said
"You see and hear nothing  that will rock your head"

"You are right, They are wrong" voices of my friend from outer space
Supporting my conviction asking me to shout for them to leave our place

"I'm still here waiting my love" said a lady whose name was Jane
Indeed I remembered her, my heart keep calling her name

"Love her? She was nothing compared to us!" those beautiful nymph again
Showing their naked body seems so real that let me forget something

"No one could ever help you' No one could ever heal" my mother voice to feel
"It's only you my son can cure yourself, can give your wound a heal"

"We've won again we've won!" all of them again cheering
While looking at the shadows of my old friend, my love and my mom leaving

"Sir here's my handkerchief" a voice from a nurse unfrozen myself freezing
To then I've realized that my eyes turned into a dark cloud
and now it's really raining...


written: August 27, 2014 @ 8:35 PH standard time

Mysterious Aries
My Schizophrenia Poem #14
Mysterious Aries Aug 2015
High breed they've said
They just don't know how often we've prayed
Our knee was so severely wounded
Pleading Him to erase this delusions' that we've been bounded

Lunatic! They've always called us
Pushing ourselves to wished to be among with the  dust
The crazies' they've said making fun of us
Now we don't know whom do we trust

We tried to live in a masks
But to no avail still our head been crashed
Now' we live in a cage like an animal
Away from home' near to suicidal

High breed they've said again
Instead of helping they don't want us to  begin
We are like a child being bullied
Their thumping words trained us to be stupid

Though some giving us good words' for our hearts be encourage
But don't make any difference now' we are very deeply engaged
Lunatic' crazy' high breed' why just broke our hearts?
If you can please! just tear our body and soul apart...


written: August 19, 2014 - 7:30 am

mysterious aries
My Schizophrenia Poem #13
Mysterious Aries Aug 2015
Thankfully my brother didn't surrender his life
I really don't know what to say to his daughter and wife
That event brought me here
My mother love me, but can't now keep me near

I was often silenced at first
Almost rejecting everything that will keep my pulse
Food, water, medication if only i can reject air
To make an end to this head that was so unclear

I saw a lot of me here
I know how hard for them too
Some are losing hope
Others not giving up trying to cope

To then i remember the pages that i've wrote
Most are poetry that are giving hope
I miss that passion and that feeling
Giving me a reason to fast track my healing

Now I have a reason to be alive and not to be dead
All I want now is to keep my body this head
I will be free soon and fly like a balloon
And I will write a poetry about the shining moon

"Come let's make love" those nymphs voices again
"Join us praise satan our god" that demon shows begin
"No let's go to heaven and sing" what an angelical voice
"Hey let's play" clowns giving me a wonderful toy

"No, No, Never..." I told them "for now i'm such a big boy"
"Come let's write a story" a dead poet say
I followed him so quickly
And we began to write ...... an unknown poetry......

written: august 5, 2014 at 11:00 pm PH time

Mysterious Aries
My Schizophrenia Poem #12
You can appreciate the beauty of this work if you read My Schizophrenia Poem from the start... Well, hopefully you'll appreciate...
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