Jingle, jingle, Mr. Kringle
Please drop by my house.
Don’t miss it like you did last year
Don’t be that seasonal louse
That brought cheesy kinds of toys
From the local dollar store
We shopped there all the time
So we had seen them before.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful
But Action Tommy is not the same
As GI Joe. Between the two there’s
More difference than the name.
And Lego blocks fit together
To build some amazing things
Those copycat toys from Taiwan
Do not build much of anything.

Jingle, Jingle, Mr. Kringle
If you are real, please heed.
None of those toys and junk
Is really what we need.
It would be better if you could
Bring a job for my poor Dad.
Make it better than minimum, like
The one he most recently had.

And maybe a raise for Mom
Who works a full time job too.
Would a dollar an hour be such
An earth-shaking thing to see to?
So, just in general, Kringle dude,
If it wouldn’t make you awful mad
Could you twitch your nose and
Make this Christmas not be sad?

Suddenly and without any warning
At some ungodly hour of the morning
Parents who are already sleep deprived
Are woken because Santa has arrived.

Christmas Eve they had been up half the night
Making sure that for Santa all was right
Now before they even open their eyes
Kids are shouting and screaming, full of noise.

Their beds covered now with so many toys
With hyperactive kids full of surprise
Laughing and smiling out of sheer delight
Not caring it's the middle of the night

Presents ripped open without a care
Wrapping paper, boxes, strewn everywhere
Each new gift a cause for celebration
Kids faces lit up in pure elation

Though to see kids happy, so excited
Parents are absolutely delighted
For no better present could they receive
Than to see kids dreams come true, I believe.

(Sing along to the tune 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer).

This is a futuristic Christmas,
Sing along in an ode,
Global warming's reached the North Pole,
That's the end of ice and snow.

The Arctic's now a surf beach,
All your gifts out of reach,
There's some really naughty bad elves,
They're keeping all the gifts for themselves!

Where did good ole Santa go?
He's been on the **!
Santa came in bad girls' lane,
And he never was seen again!

Now Santa's got survivor baggage,
Mrs. Santa tossed away his clothes,
She divorced dear old Santa,
For hoing all the hoes!

Now there's a big beach party,
No Christmases ever again!
The bad girls are giving it to Santa,
No Christmases ever again!

This is a futuristic Christmas,
Global warming's reached the North Pole,
Sing along with Santa,
A futuristic Christmas in an ode!!!

(Let's Party...** ** **, Samta knows where all the bad girls go!!)

Mrs. Claus was at the door
Making sure that Santa knew
He had to see the doctor
He must be there by two

Santa gruffed and grumbled
Said there's too much to be done
"You know I hate the doctor"
"The doctor's just no fun"

Mrs. Claus held fast and said
"You do this every year"
"and you always have a new excuse"
"when the appointment time is near"

Santa, said he'd do it
Although, it was done under duress
He could run an elven workshop
But the doctor, was more stress

He made it to the office
At two, precisely on the nose
The first thing the nurse said was
"Santa, take off all your clothes"

"You know we have to weigh you"
"It's in the contract that you signed"
"A little extra weight shift"
"Could get the sleigh all misaligned"

The scale said way past jolly
He was twenty pounds past plump
He was just below horrendous
Santa Claus was one fat lump

The doctor read the clipboard
And made a tsk tsk tsking sound
He said "Santa, you're much bigger"
"You're almost 5 full feet around"

"I have with me a letter"
"That the vet asked me to read"
"It says unless you drop some blubber"
"Four more reindeer you will need"

"Now, every story book out there"
"Names eight reindeer in line"
"And since you hired Rudolph"
"A lot have you with nine"

"But the vet now says you need thirteen"
"To get up in the sky"
"You've got to change your diet"
"Santa, please lay off the pie"

"I'm not saying all at once"
"But, you've got to drop some weight"
"Or, you'll be dropping gifts by plane"
"And you'll still be over weight"

Santa tried a little laugh,
Not a full out ** ** **
Truth be told, he'd lose his breath
He knew the weight would have to go

He got down off the table
Put on his hat, and Santa Suit
He looked as red as ever
When he tried to reach his boot

The doctor said "Good God Man"
"You can't go up like that"
Santa said "I'm fine doc"
"The kids want a Santa that is fat"

"There's a difference between jolly"
"Like the elf you're supposed to be"
"But Santa, count your chins man,"
"I lose count at twenty three"

"The elves are under orders"
"Not to load the magic sleigh"
"Until you commit to weight loss"
"And you promise right away"

"I know that you are Santa"
"And for this I may get coal"
"But, your wife, Santa...she scares me"
"She said she'd put me in a hole"

"Santa, lose some poundage"
"Give it just a little try"
"It's not right...thirteen reindeer"
"Flying through the Christmas sky"

"I know it's confidential"
"what has happened here today"
"But, Santa...I will tell her"
"If you don't...and right away"

Santa, said he'd try to
He said "just tell me what to do"
"Truth be told there doctor"
"The woman scares me too!!!"

Happy Holidays

and happy make her holler days

Spreading the holiday cheer

By being naughty this year

That's what Santa feared the most.

IT'S OUT....FINALLY AFTER TWO HARD YEARS OF WORK

http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Ponies-Roger-Turner/dp/151532155X/ref=sr15?s=books&ie;=UTF8&qid;=1442559980&sr;=1-5&keywords;=The%20Christmas%20Ponies

YOU CAN NOW BUY 'THE CHRISTMAS PONIES' ON AMAZON.COM
JUST COPY THE ABOVE LINK AND AWAY YOU GO.

PRICE IS $15.95 US.

REMEMBER...IT GOT IT'S START HERE ON HELLOPOETRY.COM

THANKS TO ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT.


IF YOU ENJOYED THE POEM, YOU'LL ENJOY THE BOOK.

THANKS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS

ROGER

The winding drive along the sea
I took so many times
to steal away from anarchy
to pacify my mind

The city sirens come undone
before the ocean spray
then down the hill to U.S. 1
and thus begins the day

The Pier receding to the South
Will Rogers to the North
Topanga is the turn we seek
as we are going forth

The starkness of the hills and pines
the rivulet below
as Westward the Pacific shines
beneath the morning glow

The twists and turns I still recall
though roads are better now
no unpaved sections left at all
nor farmland for a cow

No Austin Mini Union Jack
the landmarks too have changed
and I so lost since coming back
I almost feel deranged

The Health Food Store with hitching post
the horses canter past
the countryside I love the most
and visit now at last

But on Mulholland Highway there
surprises lie in wait
there’s razor wire on the fence
and horses at the gate

As giant dishes aiming deep
into a mountain wall
so Orwell’s promise do we keep
applying it to all

But I remember still the day
the hillside turned to fire
the way to turn had burned away
the sky was black with ire

And in a wide spot in the road
in reverence did we stand
a fox, a hare, my dog and I
all watched the burning land

Can nothing make us feel as small
as fire pure and cruel?
to know it as a cunning foe -
to know we’re naught but fuel

But through the smoke a fire truck
led us down on Kanan Dume
toward the cleaner seaward air
away from certain doom

And all at once the trial was o'er
for we had reached the sea
as once Carrillo had before
and now my dog and me

We pass the house of river stone
Moonshadow’s Restaurant
and even Tidepool Gallery
for years my favorite haunt

And back to Santa Monica
on PCH we drive
admiring still the beauty
yet more thankful we’re alive

The winding drive along the sea
I took so many times
to steal away from anarchy
to pacify my mind

Alarm bells ring
are you listening?
the policemen come and
catch someone *******.
It's Saturday night
the beer was alright
walking through the
West End wonderland.

In the doorway,
there's a stranger sleeping,
toes are peeping out from his old shoes,
a card that says he's homeless and he's hungry
he's just another person to abuse.

...chorus.