oh, whimsical mind,
full of magic and zest!

you're on another journey
one whole new conquest;

though you're fast on your feet,
quick to open a new treasure chest,

now is the time to settle down,
and let me ******* rest.

Sitting in this dark room
Running from my own darkness
Drowning out this fear and pain
With cold liquor and burning nicotine

Anxiety is spiraling through my veins
And the alcohol tames it for a minute
But then again I'm drinking alone
And that itself is dangerous

My clean arms are taunting me
Begging me to stain them red
With my own hands
To coat them with my own demons

I've been clean awhile now
And I've been doing well
But some days I'm not so sure
Because the knife is always a few feet away

How do you **** something inside yourself?
How do you escape your own feelings?
I know it's unhealthy
But these substances make it easier to deal

Sometimes I say to myself
I just wanna run
Til my sadness gone
Til the leaves are ready to fall
And I run on a carpet of leaves
I walk several steps to take
A wonderful my tame snake

I sit here, alone in my room
Contemplating the world,
And is my life gonna end soon?

Cause I know-
I know,
That there's something missing.
Something just out of reach,
Something that I can't keep.

They say,
"Out of sight,
Out of mind"
But I don't think that applies here!

Cause I know-
I know,
That there's something out there.
Just waiting for me,
Waiting to make me happy.

...
And I know
It's a stretch.
I'm a mess,
Inside.

I just need some hope.
Or else I might choke,
Underneath this constant pressure.
This tidal wave,
Pushing and pulling me under.

And I know-
I know,
This isn't the end.
And I'm sure that there's somethin'
Just 'round the bend.

But can I make it,
To the other side?
If I can't seem to get
Out of this life

...
Yeah I know-
I know,
That everyone's out there.
But it's hard to remember
That they still care.

...
I know that I'm di-fi-cult...
I know I can make people
Feel like they're useless!
I know all these things,
Cause in my head it rings...

DING DING DING!!!!
Game Start!
DING DING DING!!!!
Out hard.
DING DING DING!!!!
Don't try.
DING DING DING!!!!
You Died.

...
Do I put in another quarter?
Or do I just sit back in horror?
How many quarters is this gonna take?
I could play this game
For the rest of the ****...
Day.

...
Maybe it's better if I just,
Go away?
Maybe then I can,
Own to my mistakes?
Is that what it's
Gonna take?

I'm

Fake.

Oh the things I let you do
made a god of you
giving and you take
not awake to the ways
I made me weak
knelt willingly
as you kissed me
a parody of grace
a sinner afraid
ashamed of her crimes
the worst of mine being
first a thirst for freedom
this independence
quench it
second imperfections
unchecked boxes and missed directions
submit for corrections
third pleas for gentle words
shut up that never works
with women like you
thus you loved
me not brave enough
or knowing how to love
myself until the day I could
I stood and ran
you will not see me again

Astringent to eyes,
A fierce kiss to the soft lips,
Chopping the onion.