What is this anger?
Where does it come from?
What is this hate?
A hate towards the people I love
A resentment for things they’re unaware of
I can’t control it
I can’t keep it in
I let my emotions get the better of me
How do I keep it in?
I feel all their problems quickly becoming mine but,
It’s not my fault
It’s not my fault
I didn’t mean for things to go so far,
For things to get so out of hand
I wasn’t gone for long
And I came back strong
But where did that leave them?
It’s not my fault
I did my best, and do my best
To rectify the mistakes
Mistakes of my own,
And of those I love
But nothing’s happening,
Nothing is changing
Nothing
Is it me? Am I their problem?
What can I do?
Why is it so hard!?
What is this anger?

I feel like I'm in that cycle again
Where you fill me so much of your love until I'm drunken by it
To make me fall deeply in love with you
And once I do, you step back, you hold back
The confusion game begins

I start to wonder, what have I done wrong?
Am I not enough for you? Or am I too much?
Is there someone else?

When you don't look at me the way you used to,
Who do you look at?
When you don't tell me you love me,
Who do you tell it to?
When you...

I've wondered and often so wondered
These doubts pushed me to hold back just the same
To go back to doing things on my own
To build a wall around me
Higher than me, higher than you

I'd be strong for awhile
But you always had your way of breaking through that wall
Again and again
And then the cycle of the game begins

My feet
are burned and bloodied
with the dirt
from which i clawed
my way out of.
Every word
to tumble from my lips
might choke
on the teeth
lining my throat,
but i will still
spit them out.
My arms
may be scarred
with the cuts
of all the thorns
i had to dig through,
and my heart
might be back
in the grave you buried me in,
but I will still
stand in front of you
more alive than
you will ever be.

It was my birthday, the year
   of a curse I never asked for..

         ****** from the temple
of solitude.

Now I just breath
                      dissatisfaction,
that every 365 days I'm meant
                to celebrate the
incarceration of life..

Its overrated..

Blowing out memories,
       smouldering resentment
Inhaled when I've lived another
                   moment to the finish line..

Why is it taking so long..

Happy Birthday Day to me,
          I'm another year older
                       of my lame existence ...

I'm the candle burning out,
my breath smouldering as I
                   hold my chest..

Oh' well least I don't have to wait
another year..

My only regret...
                          I didn't get a slice of cake..

You see everybody but me,
Why is that,
Biologically programmed to love me yet you don't show any,
Worst part is, you don't have a clue when you do what you do,
One of the only people in this world that can cut me deep with your words,
I know it's pretty absurd,
I get it,
You thought I'd be more,
But why you really mad at me for,
You're the one that painted my path,
Didn't kick me in the *** when I needed it,
You were supposed to gift me with encouragement, love and inspiration,
Instead,
I was given self doubt and scars that ran deep,
Never wanting to come across as weak,
Quite possibly the reason I can't sleep,
The reason I stay quiet and rather not weep,
Maybe I'm crazy to say it,
But you ruined me,
My ability to truly be free,
Because I'm trapped in this mind of mine,
I hope it pains you to know that you hindered my ability to grow,
No,
This isn't a show,
Yes,
I can't blame you for everything ,
But you sure didn't help,
Had to do all of this for myself,
Slowly building my self wealth,
Maybe,
Just maybe it's a good thing,
You know the whole, you believing in everybody except me,
Because when I finally get to where I want to be,
I'll have no one to thank but me.

I do it because
it feels good
but I don’t
want to
I use words
to get away
with the ******
of myself
Sometimes
suicide is
the only
answer
In my mind
it will never
end because
it never began
I can’t lie
because
I believe all the
******* I say
If only you
were lucky enough-
I would really
go away
We can hate
anyone who
treats us poorly
but not ourselves
We can ****
ourselves slowly
with alcohol
but not ******
I watch a fight
on a screen
and there’s people
in the audience
The closest man
to the fight
only stops them
sometimes
How does
someone win
with blood
on their hands?
Why even
teach our
children
not to fight?
Why even teach our children not to fight?