I don't know if I can't cry
because I don't miss you anymore
or because I'm so used to the pain
that it numbs my heart

my love for you is as leaky as a faucet,
destined to never stop-
one drop at a time
till I lose my mind

I felt it then
like I feel it now

There was a dead end sign
at that moment I peered into our future

We tried to give space
Then that choice was taken away
One more chance to prove we can survive
locked down together

So we took my family land
We tilled that soil
Built distractions
Illusions and dreams

The peppers and tomatoes
that I now harvest
I prepare them alone
The nightshades
the itch
now taint my tears
and pink-stain my cheeks
where they have streamed

I can still remember
the way it felt
to know the person
meant to protect you
chose not to.

I am afraid
I may never love you
the same way I used to
before I was old enough
to know what
lying really meant.

I still think of home
as a space
I was too scared
to breathe in.

sometimes
I think about
stepping out in front
of a car
and the only thing
that stops me
Is the questions
I know you would ask.

My closet
was the safest place
I felt I had left
to hide in.

It bothers me
you can’t hear
the venom
in my voice
I can’t hold back
from spitting up my throat.

I still wish
you taught me
how to love myself
Instead of
how to fear everyone else.

I still have nightmares
I am convinced I haven’t
woken up from yet.

I am a funeral
you still celebrate
every time I come home.

Some days
I hate you
for the way
you made me
love what hurt me.

There is a part of me
that still believes
I am unlovable.

Reminisce.
@niamornimo

I kept wondering why
In such a long time i
Held the memory in
The back of my mind

Pictures to scenes
Perfectly clear while
He took away
My innocence
Bit by bit

I told myself
Time heals but its a decade
Past but instead
Of forgetting becomes
More real
More pronounced.

As i listen to romantic()
Memories floods my mind
Like a broken dam,
Twisting my heart with pain
I guess the many similar
kinds of tenderness
Were also different kinds of sadness.

We've all been forgotten.
The pretty face outshone
The peach blossom
I don't know where the beauty went;
The peach flowers still smile
In spring breeze.