I wonder,
"Where's everyone when I need them?"

Then I realized,
a mirror will never,
ever,
know of its
beauty.

But.

Only the beauty
of those who stand
in front of it.

I am not the girl who sits by the phone waiting for you to call

I am not the girl who will tell you that she misses you

I am not the girl who will whisper to you how she really feels

I am not the girl that will ask you to come over tonight

I am not the girl you will drape your long arms around

I am not the girl hanging onto your every word

I am the girl you are frustrated with because I am not that girl.

I thought I knew love in first grade when a certain little second grader caught my attention and I caught his. I thought I knew love in fifth grade when I had a guy to call mine and play one on one basketball with. I thought I knew love in sixth grade when I developed a crush on my dorky best friend. I thought I knew it when, in eighth grade, I fell for a guy, then despite his rejection, became friends with him. Several times in ninth grade I thought I had it figured out, each time the same person, each time a different story. I thought I knew love when we went to homecoming together, when I spent months just staying his friend for his sake, when I was rejected once again by this friend of mine.

I thought I knew love, what it was. But love is none of those, not for me, anyways. Love was when, after all this, after I decided maybe love wasn't real, my heart showed me a friend of mine. Not attractive to society's standards, but who am I to judge when he has a heart of gold and the kind of personality that makes me want to be myself? Love is when you find someone you don't want to change yourself for. Instead you want to be your truest, most beautiful self, and, without ever realizing, they help you accomplish that.

That. That is love.

My thoughts twist
When I'm about to speak
And my head changes what I want to say
It's like I'm scared
Of my thoughts
But I'm not
I want to say something
But I'm hiding in a shell
A shell of fear
A barrier
Between my head and heart
That with 3 words could be gone
I want to speak
But I can't
And it's killing me

I thought tonight would be the night, the night I've been waiting for. Tonight I would have told you- nay- confessed to you the genuine, heartfelt love I have for you.*

Tonight nothing happened, again. I saw your face, the same face that quivers my insides and makes my heart beat in slow motion, and I knew I could tell you absolutely nothing about my fiery desires for you.

So you still know nothing and suspect everything.
I still mumble the same mantra to myself about how I'm doing the right thing, waiting for the right time. But it's flat out b u l l s h i t and I know it. I'm scared to love, scared to lose, scared to ***** it up.

They say time heals all wounds but the wounds that love inflicts has no healing. Time can merely stitch up your cuts and tell you not to stress them, lest they burst apart and leave you bleeding out again.
Only love can heal love, and you and I are *TOO SCARED TO JUMP!

Nothing's changed.
'cept that smile. Now, leave's a weird taste,
of one part pity, two parts haste.
Sorry for subjugating you to this foolishness.
Guess saying "no" was for the best.