Just don't look at me like that.
Don't let it change the fact. Friends first-
and now always.

It's not funny how the words i wanted to say
dried up, with your eyes screaming.
"Stop it, there's no winning"

Why do we bottle it up in our mind? Ladies and Gentlemen.
Exhibit A: Rejection-painful, but not unkind.

Haven't had it.
Kindly rejected the one thing
Every male-being seems to want from me
In turn, they turn
And I am rejected, all but
Writing about that one thing
I've never had
And that one boy
that couldn't wait.

Shuffled like bureaucratic paperwork
From desk to desk
Status "UKNOWN"

Second hand clothes
Second hand love
Second hand child

Words like knives
Razor sharp
Cut to the bone

Dreams of mother
And father
Lost

Cry to sleep
Every night
Years on end

Washing own clothes
Age of 6
Ran away

Signs of affection
Bruises and welts
Didn't want the scars to go away

No voice raised
To defend
Only child

Every year
New school
New kid, no friends

Every year
Sent away
Status "UKNOWN"

Pain endured
Pain hidden
Pain denied

Broken trusts
Broken heart
Broken child

No T-ball
No boy scouts
No father

Lost chances
Lost dreams
Lost hope

Labeled
"The bad child"
Angry child


No one to tell
No one to trust
No one to love

Now a young man
Who could not feel
Loved

Women knocked
On locked door
That I would not open

Who could love
Such a worthless person
So ugly, stupid and weak

Pain of loneliness
Was a darkness
That brought hatred of the light

Cigarettes, ***** and drugs
Helped to hide the pain
But not the suffering

Emotions turned off
Like the flick of a switch
Feeling nothing anymore

Ran hard and fast
On the razor's edge
Of life

Angry at the world
Justice is just a word
To lie about the truth

Fought the demons
Like boxing fog
Never landing a blow

Took many years
To break the chains
To find the light

Sometimes the pain
Burns deep
Tempered steel

Gave up the blame
And the hate
Too heavy to carry

I see the destination now
Though the path is hidden
Status, no longer unknown

They said
"You'll like it there"
"You'll make new friends"
"It's better this way"
Or they said nothing at all
Put me on a plane
Or drove me over
And all I knew
I was living somewhere else
With someone else
New school
No friends
Again
And I
Never really knew why
That kept repeating
People left
Said it was for the best
That I would be happier
But I never was
A child's trust
Crushed beneath heels of selfishness
They never knew
Never cared?
What was best
For me
Just a burden
To pass along
And I
I never really knew why

Silence wraps itself around my heart
like a tourniquet holding me
helpless in a passive embrace
let me go

Or build me a royal palace
with a single word
then roughly break it down
with the next

Who would suspect to have
such fatal power
a blessing or damnation
buzzing on a fingertip

Your clichéd rollercoaster
driven by mere thought
is scarier than fear itself
don't leave me here

I am not yours
let me hold you
I am yours