.
                                  A week in my mind,
                       My body carelessly toured
                                                      My home
           And the world through a screen.

      I have been acting a moth on a wall
                      Repelling any movements,
                                    An itch on my nose
           Or a flutter of my devilish wings.

                   I drifted through the rooms,
          Making a few grunts in response,
       Words typed into measured boxes,
                           And my eyes cast down.

                                       But on my wings,
              Were two massive hidden eyes
                             Dressed as black spots,
          Almost as if they were torn holes.

                                           So things I saw,
                                                I overheard,
                                                   I observed
                                         And I scoffed at-

                            Two little glowing suns
                Blinding, lay in a pile of meat.
                                           Two little birds
                               That never got wings.

                                    A digital document
   Defining accomplishments of my life,
                                                   One big lie
                              I can't seem to correct.

                         One platform lined with
A millions dreams and secrets spilled.
                                       That shuts down
      Comes up but the dreams are tired.

           One big assembly of happy feets
                          A roar of laughter at me.
      An hour of lesson will be forgotten,
                                     I was a case study.

           One small group of broken souls
                              And delusional hearts
                                  To keep up my past,
                                               I abondoned.

                                             One thin book
                                Parted in the middle,
                                               Upside down
                                I can't seem to finish.

                                             Two sore legs
                                      And heavy thighs,
                                        Chipped off nails
                               In an attempt to shed.

                          Given up ideas on paper
                          Stacked inside a drawer.
                                           Dried off paint,
                                  Major white spaces.

                                             A swollen sky,
                                       A blistering land,
                                             Wilted plants.
                       Rain since morning today.

                                           An unmed bed,
                         Pile of shirts in the chair,
                   Wires tangled on two tables.
                                     A corner left to sit.

                                         One dear friend,
                                  Some unsaid words.

(I am a mess)
No point made (?)

I, who cannot count the slap that I recieved
From the people whom I decieved
I, the person who cannot be contented
Will now address this experience as something splendid


I am a cheater in the eyes of the judgementals
As for they see me as falling leaves and petals
Someone who will never be happy
And a person who only deserve pity


You called me heartless
But I told you I loved you when I confessed
You thought everything was fake
But it is the toxic which I can't even take


I know this is a sin as for I am unfaithful
The girl whom you called an angel
Is a person who has the tail of a devil
But this is only the start of secrets which I'm about to reveal

These demons are constantly present,
They collect under my skin and inside my bones,
Slithering around my insides,
Constricting my lungs,
Turning my heart into a cold wasteland.
They are forever haunting me,
These past regrets and current mistakes that I make daily.
They will not be silenced,
Though I try to forget,
They will not let me,
They push around my thoughts,
Controlling every one.
They push my happy memories away,
And force the painful ones to rise.
What can I do to escape my tormentors?
How long until they become one with my soul?
I need a way to fight this depression,
I refuse to give into their dark solicitations.
There is an inner light somewhere,
Strong enough to overcome these menaces,
I just have to find it somehow.
I know i could be peaceful once more,
If i could just defeat these voices,
These awful demons,
Residing within.

Do you spend nights wondering about the all things you could've been?
I barely know you and yet I did all the things I did
I settle in these thoughts, thinking I shouldn't have meddled in
But you gave me a call saying you regret letting me in
It's funny, you're not the only one with a past
You see a smile on my face, and all the green in my grass
Halos and wings is what you think I have
But what you see is an act, everything is a mask
Don't you ever tell me you're too broken for me
I got pieces of broken mirrors I'm never willing to see
I couldn't tell you this the other day, I know you wouldn't believe
But you're perfect for me, there's not a thing you need
But no matter what I tell you, I swear you never listen
All you say is I wouldn't get it
"You don't know me, just forget it"
I know you're brokenhearted with a lot of regrets
I know you've been trying to fix what came to be a mess
Trying to sew together of whatever is left
We're both just two emotional kids trying to feel something again
I wrote you a text but I never got the courage to hit send
It's hard to tell you that I've been through it too
I know when you're trying to be together but ending up breaking as two
You begin believing in someone so much you don't know what to do
To a point you're looking at a mirror, asking yourself, are you really you?
Your insecurities trying to find security
Start giving them a love you never really had like it's a piece of charity
I don't want to hear another promise, I just want you to have some clarity

A shofar blown in an empty synagogue

— a pursed squeeze of ethereal meaningless

is the sound of my abject failure to pull her back onto the boat

A choking cough in the dawn adhan reminds me of those gasps

the sinking and the stillness
and the defeat of my best intentions

regrets climbing atop
most things when I pray

blocking the sun as they stretch and writhe

but cold prayers are better than none and those moments pressed flat

fill my empty flask with the warmest of things

Guilt is such a powerful word
A word no one wants to discuss.
They just want to keep it in
Hoping it would go away

But no,
guilt is not like that.
It takes control of your body,
Gnawing on your thoughts.

Why did I not help her?
Why did I survive but not the person next to me?
Why did he get caught but not me?
Why did I not confess that it was my fault?
Why? Why? Why?

And yet, everyone around you
Fails to see the aura of guilt that glows beside you.
Every time they smile at you,
You feel the knot in your stomach grow bigger.

Guilt is like a monster,
It keeps devouring you.
You wish with all your heart that you can undo your wrongdoings.
Guilt just continues and tortures you.

  Until, one day it takes away your life,
And all that is left is your corpse,
A corpse that is stained with guilt and regrets.

Salty air and dark night,
The moon illuminates the sea.
The tides clash with the rock,
and 67 ft above, there's me.

Right step, left step, right step, left...
Is there no one to stop me?
I think about the times my heart wept,
and said, "no, I wanna take this flee."

I stand at the edge and fall forward,
For a moment I feel free, I fly.
The air around me felt nice, oh god..
"I take it back, I don't wanna die--"
-splash-