Your diamond pattern repeats infinitely, or, perhaps,
Just as far as I can see.
Every day you’re quite the same to me-
Only slightly hindering visibility
With metal woven consistency

And weather takes its toll,
Storms and rust and wind pressed gusts weakened your steel hold.
You were able to contain me for the years when I was small,
But time has made me tall
I can see the other side,
Not a blade of grass or leaf concealed, not a pebble can hide.

Illusion for peace of mind pretends to be a
Silver knight
Who protects against the wrong ones and holds in tightly the right
You may stand your ground, and
By each diamond trait in which you are bound
is a place for my heel to lift me up and around
and to leave your sacred space without a sound.

All my dreams have given up on me,
But I won't, I'll never give up on them.
Karma doesn't seem to want me to succeed,
But I'll keep fighting till I finally break free.
I'll keep singing, you can't stop me from screaming,
I won't shut up till you let me speak my mind.
I'm not in control of my life and I want it back,
Stop judging my character by the things I lack.

This Christmas we want a cure for Cancer,
Cancer, that grave callous dancer,
We've all been touched by Cancer's Grim Reaper,
This a malady that has no barriers,
This Christmas we want health and happiness,
Young Einsteins, it's your issue to address,
A cure for Cancer would surely bless,
That's what we want to say,
F.U. Cancer, begone by Christmas Day.

septemeber 2014 i told my dad i didnt want to be alive anymore
in our kitchen, we sat on the floor, he held me and through his tears he told me he never wants to lose me
i think about this all the time
october 2014 my 2 year old brother saw my cuts and scars
he brings me bandaids all the time
novemeber 2014 my mom walked in on my 6th suicide attempt
we stayed up all night driving around, talking about how much i wanted to end my life
she asks me every day how i'm feeling now
december 2014 my step dad found sleeping pills i had been purchasing and saving for 6 weeks
he didnt cry when his only son was born but he couldnt even breathe when he found my pills and confronted me about it
janurary 2015 my step mom drove my to the er when she found my almost dead in the shower
she didnt sleep for 3 days while she and my mom stayed at the hospital with me
feburary 2015 my mom found my journal of suicide notes
there was over 100 notes
march 2015 my grandparents began noticing how bad i was getting
my grandmother stayed at our house during march break with me
april 2015 i saw my favourite band who has helped me through a lot of tough times
i got their lyrics on my body forever to remind me that i'm not my illness
may 2015 my bestfriend and i made a promise to each other to remain self harm free
we promised to help eachother get through our illnesses
june 2015 she was in the hospital for trying to **** herself
i knew i had to stay strong for the both of us
july 2015 i started to work on myself
i started to notice the beauty in things again
i forgot how much i loved the rain
how much i loved flowers
how much i cared about nature and the planet
i forgot how much i loved life
august 2015 i started to plan for the future
i started thinking about 10 years down the road
september 2015 i'm not where i want to be yet, but im so proud of how far i've come
im proud of myself

how im struck with such a sadness
to hear you say my name once again;
formerly so lively and colourful, gently murmured
now uttered as though you would with a black and white passerby
and it appears we're under a blue moon
because i can't seem to recognize you

I'm sorry,
i can't love you.
i'm sorry,
you never said something sooner.
i'm sorry,
but this isn't going to work.
i'm sorry,
but we are not for each other.
i'm sorry,
i don't long to talk to you.
i'm sorry,
i find your swearing so unattractive.
i'm sorry,
i hope you find someone else.
i'm sorry,
but what i have to give is not for you.
i'm sorry,
i don't want to share it with you.
i'm sorry,
but i'll help you along the way.
i'm sorry,
for you & your sad life.