Today wasted on rage
Tomorrow too distant
Yesterday a blast and matters not.
And you?
Didn't notice me standing by your side
Even when you kicked me around.
Pathetic.
(me more than you).
Shame Is the sister of tolerance
Which is the brother of victim
And the mother of choice less
Right now,  in this precarious moment,
I've discovered how bitter true  
it is...
that we all
pay dearly
for the sins of our father.

The words come back and conversation
Flows under excited pressure
Just like the red rose when I register
Its been a while so the better in me knows
And tries to send a message to me
But my psychic energy grows
More intensely on a memory's
Lows, I always get the best of me
Tolls, Happiness isn't free
I wish I could just be fine with settling
Stop hoping that my two halves will quit wrestling
Over who drives while the other is directing
From the back seat, this is where I belong
A siren is my life's theme song
Hand in hand I'm dragged along
To some place I'd rather not be
Put on a face so they won't see
Anything that's felt inside of me
Learning to survive by blending in
Once released, spin cycle repeats
Pumping poison bought off the street
A death rehearsed I'll never know
When rehearsal ends, begin the show
I'm drifting off into sleep...
But this time it's too deep.

You take me to places only nightmares
are allowed entry to; the juggler in our midst
has now taken your hand and my head
and we are lost somewhere between wonderland
and purgatory. Bound to you with strings,
I am no longer an instrument of love,
I do not make music, nor do I burn
with impassioned colours. I only hum
the songs you've forgotten, and I refuse to.
We were born in a wrong time and we've got
to get out of this place, before the maze
in your thoughts swallows me
whole.

Midnight and I'm aching
Stylus to screen and I'm shaking
Nothing left to write
But I'm scribbling
Note after note
And I'm slipping
Memories twisting my vision
Reality's fake but I'm living
Love letters, bitemarks and
I'm drifting
To maybes and would'ves
Beginnings
Drowning out chapters
Without you
Lost in the thought
And I doubt you
Wanting only to believe that you were real
Not a dream in a moment of twilight
Zoned in on pleasure and starlight
Cursed by the gods of moonlight
That every kiss and word
Trailed tongue
And covered whisper
That every moment fading
You missed her
By her, of course me,
Though I wasn't your only
And yet that cross on my tongue
Delivered you, Holy
Cause blinded by beat, knowing
I still didn't,
Won't care
All that ever mattered was
You and me
There
Here
In this moment
That no longer is
No more pages
Or chapters, stained lips
Done......Fin
Fiending
For even the slightest taste of you
Obsessing and suppressing
Urges to write to you
To beg you to listen
To the want that you feel
To need of my skin
Silk strap of my hair
To ****** you to piercing
My eyes with your own
Allowing me entrance
Through chamber of stone....
Rambling, I'm Ranting
Got an itch for your ******
Breathless, I'm panting
Cause alone I'm undone
Trembling and chanting
"You must move on"
Shower's steaming
Pandora and starfucked songs
Nothing is said and she's giving up
Crying now
aching for a simple touch
Naked now
Drowning
Yet in water you're near
Eyes closed and you're holding me
Disappear
Only when sight
And the droplets hit the tile
Only in ghosts of a stand still while
Only for seconds of traveling souls
How the **** do I end this
Poems and prose
What more to say
You already know
Laying it down
Ever so

S
L
O
W

Sleepless........

©MV

hello, i am a
writer, i am happy.
look at me smile.
look at me,
look at me—

no it’s not, you
dumb **** shut up,
you’re worthless,
you’re worthless,
you think you can be happy—

i am sad sometimes.
all the time—
half the time—
my lifetime—
where is the lie?

i am.
i am.
okay, i’ll be fine,
it’s fine,
okay, okay?
okay. yes, yes,
yesyesyes

look at me, i am
worthless stupid
******* amazing
shut up and look,
look at me don’t,

i don’t care i
don’t care i don’t
love you yes i do
i don’t care of course
it’s all i think about

stop stop stop,
don’t look at me,
i am too great,
too great, look,
look, i am on top,
the world is mine—

only in my head
only in my head
only in my head
shut up, shut up,
be quiet, i am tired!

leave me alone.
i don’t want to be alone.
help me be alone,
go away,
please.

please.
please.
please.

[…I don’t know what you mean.]

“I’m sorry, it’s nothing.”

*where is the lie?

I want to tell you I miss you, but my words are caught in my throat and I'm not obligated to breath for lies that are attached to memories that are now vague to my own sense of comfort.

For I love the raw nature of your soul,
And I will unearth all the secrets it claims to hold.

To provoke you,
To adore you.
To curse you,
To worship you.
To ease you,
To tease you
But never will I write to please you.