in my sweaty palm, melting is medical-pink candy coating. the pieces click, clack, roll around, and the generic sugar tastes sweeter than ever, sweet like a fever, sweet like smiles under the concrete bridge.
tastes like sweet'n'low piled high in one- dollar coffee drained in two seconds, like buttercream frosting smeared across your arm. tastes of the indoors, of doors shut, of stale snicker-doodles. it is sugar that tastes like promises gone far.
when i swallow (that is three, four, twenty more) i can taste it in the pit of my stomach: sweet, sweet candy coating masking the poison, the anodyne, the analgesic— candy coating to cover all the little scars.
and the pain unfurls on the ink page like a shuddering scream, a flower so small you can see it only on the tip of a finger held to the sky as if to view a drop of dew. and in the end it grows to such proportions that it begins to stab into the side and just a bit under, and pulls from the very depths of one's chest what once may have been living. and it begins to ache there, see; for this pain here now can only be that which suffocates and feeds on need, on greed, on every smallest insecurity. it binds at the slightest touch of the wind, on the faintest of breaths, and feels love for the first time in the beating of another heart. and it is at this point that the pain which had bloomed so sluggishly, so tenderly, can stand on its own and plunge into its own depths.
and so it is like this that one may wish, perhaps, to end a life of such suffering.
my first paragraph poem, written when i grieved the fact that i loved and continue to love
there's a lot to feel looking over this sight. you're so high up and so far down that here, the sky is a formality and the concrete might be invisible to your eyes. like this, something seems to hover in the air. what it might be and what it would be— i wonder perhaps if i should care. as i peer over the edge of the world's bed sheet, i can see it, yes, the depth i would fall: six feet under ground, sublimating like alcohol.
you know, i've never actually drunk champagne before.